Birthday Presence
A birthday gift/driving lesson refresher course.16 total reviews
Comment from royowen
The thought that it was incredible luck was on your side, fate had taken a holiday, I can remember my automatic station wagon had been left out of park and had finished up at rest in the neighbour's yard across the road, unscathed as it turned out, beautifully written Rachelle, well done, snap. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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The thought that it was incredible luck was on your side, fate had taken a holiday, I can remember my automatic station wagon had been left out of park and had finished up at rest in the neighbour's yard across the road, unscathed as it turned out, beautifully written Rachelle, well done, snap. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Exactly! I remember, after finding her at the end of this 'adventure' looking skyward and saying aloud, "I know this was you."
Thanks for the encouraging review, Roy. You're always very generous with your comments, and I always appreciate it.
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We have similar stories to tell. Heh heh.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Birthday Presence, makes it into m6 cache of crazy occurrences which significantly seal the idea that we are watched out for by those who will care for us forever. Neat tale.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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This poem, Birthday Presence, makes it into m6 cache of crazy occurrences which significantly seal the idea that we are watched out for by those who will care for us forever. Neat tale.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Yes!! Because there was NO other explanation for it. None.
Thank you for the review/affirmation of that!!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Congratulations on you well deserved contest win. You did a stunning job building suspense as you described the movement of your car as it traveled through the farmer's property. It was a miracle that the car made a U-turn. This is great storytelling.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Congratulations on you well deserved contest win. You did a stunning job building suspense as you described the movement of your car as it traveled through the farmer's property. It was a miracle that the car made a U-turn. This is great storytelling.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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It really was! And also it ending up on a slanted driveway and stopping a hair's breadth from the farmer's truck. There were so many ways that whole scenario could have ended in a catastrophe! Anyway, thanks for reading it and for your terrific review. I appreciate both very much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. Fathers have a way of sharing with their daughters even from Heaven. I do understand. I'm 68 years old and my father still shares with me. LOL
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. Fathers have a way of sharing with their daughters even from Heaven. I do understand. I'm 68 years old and my father still shares with me. LOL
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I find it very comforting. I love that he's never really "gone."
Thank you for this nice review.
Comment from Anne Johnston
This is a great story for this contest. I am sure you were very happy to find your car not damaged, and you learned a great lesson. It could have been so much worse.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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This is a great story for this contest. I am sure you were very happy to find your car not damaged, and you learned a great lesson. It could have been so much worse.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Anne, those were the exact words running through my head for WEEKS after that incident. Honestly, they were replaying themselves this weekend, too, after having written that story about it!!
Thank you for your review. I appreciate it very much.
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You are welcome
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a terrific write and an incredible story!
Your writing is colorful, vibrant, whimsical and engaging.
I can't imagine your expression when you saw your unscratched car.
I wonder if your dad visits in any other ways, besides automotive:)
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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This is a terrific write and an incredible story!
Your writing is colorful, vibrant, whimsical and engaging.
I can't imagine your expression when you saw your unscratched car.
I wonder if your dad visits in any other ways, besides automotive:)
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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It was SO filled with the terror of "what COULD have happened," that birthday "gift!" OY! Definitely a driving lesson for the ages! (and one I will not EVER have to "relearn"!!!)
Yes, every year, my father does bestow some kind of earthbound gift. Thankfully, this was the only one that was, as you coined, "automotive."
Thank you for the very encouraging review. I totally appreciate it.
Comment from Mama Baer
Hello, Rachelle! So very nice to meet you. Thank you for the lovely six stars for my "Vintage Secret" piece. I have not met you here yet and wanted to look up your work. I absolutely LOVE this piece! Wow. I lost my father two years ago, and I have noticed little ways he keeps appearing for me. For example, he, too, was an author, and last week, every time I sat at my computer to write, a beautiful big hummingbird stopped right outside my window for it seemed several minutes. I love that you can sense your father, too. I'm happy we are friends, and you would be welcome at my kitchen table anytime!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Hello, Rachelle! So very nice to meet you. Thank you for the lovely six stars for my "Vintage Secret" piece. I have not met you here yet and wanted to look up your work. I absolutely LOVE this piece! Wow. I lost my father two years ago, and I have noticed little ways he keeps appearing for me. For example, he, too, was an author, and last week, every time I sat at my computer to write, a beautiful big hummingbird stopped right outside my window for it seemed several minutes. I love that you can sense your father, too. I'm happy we are friends, and you would be welcome at my kitchen table anytime!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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I love the vision of dad-as-hummingbird there to visit as you write. I always find it so comforting (okay, well maybe not the day that prompted THIS story!) when my father visits. I'm a voice, flute, and piano teacher, and he was the one who drove me to my own private lessons from Kindergarten to twelfth grade. EVERY year (and I just had #30) at my students' Recitals, I can feel him there, and, for that reason, it is a day I look forward to and enjoy from beginning to end.
Thank you for this beautiful review, Mama Baer. I look forward to reading everything you write and our burgeoning friendship. xo
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the A Special Day writing prompt contest.
What an amazing story. You are a great writer. The way you described what was happening it was like being there. You were lucky the car stopped where it did.
Great character development of your dad and you.
Wonderful images agery and word choices.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Excellent entry for the A Special Day writing prompt contest.
What an amazing story. You are a great writer. The way you described what was happening it was like being there. You were lucky the car stopped where it did.
Great character development of your dad and you.
Wonderful images agery and word choices.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Wowie zowie!! Thank you for the extra star and this REALLY nice review! I totally appreciate all the thought and consideration that went into it. Thank you, Gypsy Blue Rose!!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Whether the lesson taught was the slap on the hand by a sister's ruler, or the aerated paddle having my buns get toasted, each experience should teach a particular lesson. Your father's advice, whether necessary or not, was a test, and you fell short, but only once.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Whether the lesson taught was the slap on the hand by a sister's ruler, or the aerated paddle having my buns get toasted, each experience should teach a particular lesson. Your father's advice, whether necessary or not, was a test, and you fell short, but only once.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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You are SOO totally right with that assessment!! The catastrophic possibilities were so endless that I knew FOR SURE I would never be given that generous a mulligan ever again!!
Comment from Michele Harber
That was definitely your father teaching you a lesson. My father leaves coins for me when he wants me to know he's there and, for my sister, he'll flick lights. My husband was also a blind date. My dad was still around, so I'll thank my late Grandma for him.
As usual, you used just the right amount of detail to tell your story. By coming full circle, and ending the retelling exactly where the actual story ended - with the return of the car - and adding just a concluding sentence, you allowed the story to make its most powerful impact, not dulled by unnecessary words.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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That was definitely your father teaching you a lesson. My father leaves coins for me when he wants me to know he's there and, for my sister, he'll flick lights. My husband was also a blind date. My dad was still around, so I'll thank my late Grandma for him.
As usual, you used just the right amount of detail to tell your story. By coming full circle, and ending the retelling exactly where the actual story ended - with the return of the car - and adding just a concluding sentence, you allowed the story to make its most powerful impact, not dulled by unnecessary words.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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My biggest goal, when I returned to this site, was to write something my book editor did not need to edit!!! So, of course, Miss Best Editor Who Ever Lived, [May I call you " Miss BEWEL" from here on in?] you cannot know how elated this review makes me! Thank you times a million zillion!
I have a writer-friend whose father leaves her paperclips. Is there a reason yours chose coins for you and flickering lights for your sister?
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Thanks for the compliment, but I didn't actually edit this. I can if you want. As well as the story was written overall, there were a few typos I noticed. (I can't accept the title of Best Editor Who Ever Lived on something I merely critiqued but didn't edit.)
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I forgot to mention, the coins were my uncle's (my father's brother-in-law's) way of showing his girls he was around, so my dad followed suit. He had a somewhat more contentious relationship with my sister, so I suspect the flickering lights are just to piss her off.
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Ah, the Jewish Way: don't let a little thing like death deter you from exhibiting your level of disappointment in your children!!
It's a very cool thing, though, that your father followed his brother-in-law's lead with you.
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No, no; you don't have to edit it. The title comes from what you DID edit, and, for that, you most absolutely deserve it.
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Thank you. I appreciate that. As I've mentioned, improving what's already there has always been a specialty of mine, because I tend to pick up on things that other people miss. If you ever direct a play, I'm your best assistant director (but definitely NOT director), for the same reason.
Thank you for the compliment, though. I did my absolute best for you, and I'm glad that it met the mark.
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It wasn't even disappointment. They butted heads when he was dealing with dementia, and she was taking care of him. I see this more as, "Nah nah nah nah nah. You had total control then, but now it's my turn!"
It is cool that he followed his brother-in-law's lead about the coins. Thet were always very close.
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Ohhh, yes; I can see that.
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And then some.
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😀
