The Maelstrom
In chaos lies the truth we cannot speak40 total reviews
Comment from Raul1
The sentences flow with clarity. It's beautifully written. It is interesting and entertaining. I like your poem. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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The sentences flow with clarity. It's beautifully written. It is interesting and entertaining. I like your poem. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Raul - I really appreciate it :-)
Mike
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Mike,
firstly, a great visual to accompany and complement your words... as this is what it seems like at times.
I love your use of rich phrases and metaphors galore to hide within the pain.
Your rhyme and flow made for a easy read of smooth transitions... well done!
The cathodic journey our passion for expressing, not only one's thoughts but one's feelings and reality.
Gotta say Mike, I sat in this poem from my own POV and absorbed the truth within.
Thank you for sharing your fine mind at work.
With our thoughts we create...
a sweet release.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Hi Mike,
firstly, a great visual to accompany and complement your words... as this is what it seems like at times.
I love your use of rich phrases and metaphors galore to hide within the pain.
Your rhyme and flow made for a easy read of smooth transitions... well done!
The cathodic journey our passion for expressing, not only one's thoughts but one's feelings and reality.
Gotta say Mike, I sat in this poem from my own POV and absorbed the truth within.
Thank you for sharing your fine mind at work.
With our thoughts we create...
a sweet release.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, James :-). The thoughts had been batting around in my head, so it was definitely time to write this one - to open the steam vent, as it were. At its heart, I think poetry is about making connections - between head and heart, between chaos and representation, and of course between people.
One day, I'll write a piece about the word 'path' and how it always means a connection wherever it pops up. Poetry is pathos, perhaps!
Darn it, I'm at risk of disappearing up my own arse, so I'll shut up now!
Tha ks again fir the awesome review!
Mike
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My pleasure Mike... take care, I don't want to go that way.:)
Comment from Katie Mae Dead
This is a wonderfully crafted sinister piece of a sonnet you have here. My heart jumped a bit and I got choked up at the end.
Rhyme and meter spots on. Verbiage very impressive.
I like when commas and semi-colons are used in the middle of an iambic pentameter line
Your repeated use of the word refrain coupled with its ending was stark-raving shocker. I've never seen that in this kind of context.
Love the recapitulating ending. Perfect sonnet couplet.
Lastly I can relate. I'm a bit of a survivor myself.
My favorite is most definitely the Volta. I feel you're at you best here with steam and the ink-based vents.
Thanks for sharing.
Katiemae Dead
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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This is a wonderfully crafted sinister piece of a sonnet you have here. My heart jumped a bit and I got choked up at the end.
Rhyme and meter spots on. Verbiage very impressive.
I like when commas and semi-colons are used in the middle of an iambic pentameter line
Your repeated use of the word refrain coupled with its ending was stark-raving shocker. I've never seen that in this kind of context.
Love the recapitulating ending. Perfect sonnet couplet.
Lastly I can relate. I'm a bit of a survivor myself.
My favorite is most definitely the Volta. I feel you're at you best here with steam and the ink-based vents.
Thanks for sharing.
Katiemae Dead
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for this amazing response :-). I'm particularly glad you liked the refrain line, because I thought it might put some people off, but it just came out and felt so right, I knew I couldn't change it.
Your words have made my morning :-)
Mike
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This sounds like a cleverly worded puzzle.
A maze of sight and sound for us to try to figure out.
I am not sure I want to play this game. Yet it is infectious I have to agree.
Its tempo and style are hard to beat. It flows so smooth I can only slip on the ice for a while before I stop in defeat.
All I can say is thanks for the rollercoaster ride!
Jesse
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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This sounds like a cleverly worded puzzle.
A maze of sight and sound for us to try to figure out.
I am not sure I want to play this game. Yet it is infectious I have to agree.
Its tempo and style are hard to beat. It flows so smooth I can only slip on the ice for a while before I stop in defeat.
All I can say is thanks for the rollercoaster ride!
Jesse
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Jesse! There's nothing wrong with just enjoying the ride. Some poems aren't about the words themselves, just the sensations they evoke.
Mike
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Yes, Mike, this is true!
Jesse
Comment from lyenochka
A well formed sonnet-like poem of self-reflection. I liked that you start and end with the same line and the repetition is deeper in meaning after the poem had filled in some details.
I agree that personal suffering can flavor our writings. The readers who have had the same experiences will connect with what we write even more. But frankly I had no clue about " supermodel driving beauty's hearse."
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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A well formed sonnet-like poem of self-reflection. I liked that you start and end with the same line and the repetition is deeper in meaning after the poem had filled in some details.
I agree that personal suffering can flavor our writings. The readers who have had the same experiences will connect with what we write even more. But frankly I had no clue about " supermodel driving beauty's hearse."
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Lol, thanks so much, and for your frankness about that line, which make me chuckle. For me, it's about the outward face of beauty killing the underlying beauty - the feeling that we're putting on a front like the supermodel in an attempt to reflect something amazing we feel inside, but instead replace people's ideas of true beauty with the front itself.
Have we bought into our own cover?
Mike
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It's good that you always question about that "cover." I guess some people do buy into it. Thanks for the explanation - now it makes sense!
Comment from royowen
I love this, it speaks of events of life that have a deep after effect, and later in life one may not even remember them happening, I know I do, by a certain family member, they are mere ghosts and wraiths, but great fodder for the poetic heart. Well done, good write, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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I love this, it speaks of events of life that have a deep after effect, and later in life one may not even remember them happening, I know I do, by a certain family member, they are mere ghosts and wraiths, but great fodder for the poetic heart. Well done, good write, blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Roy :-). Indeed, the pain both haunts and inspires us. I'm glad you plugged in.
Mike
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Absolutely
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You are a closet Sonnet-lover, aren't you? You write them really well, supplementing unusual subjects with strong rhymes to create powerful wholes. This is one of your best I've read so far. Well-done. Kate xx
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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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You are a closet Sonnet-lover, aren't you? You write them really well, supplementing unusual subjects with strong rhymes to create powerful wholes. This is one of your best I've read so far. Well-done. Kate xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Kate - what a lovely compliment :-). I went through a phase of writing virtually nothing else, so I'm wary of getting sucked back in! Still, it's a form I love to return to.
Mike
Comment from Tina Crute
I am almost at a loss for words on this one. Anything I write to evaluate this, will be less than the full value due your words. I imagine more than a few people can relate to this. Your first line got me and I would have been happy with just that one wise statement, but you had to continue,lol and blow my mind. I. Can't. Even. explain the depth to which I get this but also respect the heck out of it as a masterpiece of a message.
Wow!
Tina
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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I am almost at a loss for words on this one. Anything I write to evaluate this, will be less than the full value due your words. I imagine more than a few people can relate to this. Your first line got me and I would have been happy with just that one wise statement, but you had to continue,lol and blow my mind. I. Can't. Even. explain the depth to which I get this but also respect the heck out of it as a masterpiece of a message.
Wow!
Tina
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Tha ks so much, Tina :-). You've genuinely made my night! What a lovely, bolstering review. I'm about to go to bed so I can get up early and trudge into London for work tomorrow morning, so it's good to be going to sleep on a high note.
Mike
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I forgot to save this to my shelf, so thanks for the reply. I am getting ready to show it to my husband. We have both dealt with abuse, mentally and emotionally and he will will love this! I will pray you have a great week!
Tina
Comment from Richard Montfort Cary
Mike,
This one knocks it out of the park. Sonnets are splendid constructions, and you have molded a fine one here. Brilliant line "...a supermodel driving beauty's hearse...." Whew!
Richard
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Mike,
This one knocks it out of the park. Sonnets are splendid constructions, and you have molded a fine one here. Brilliant line "...a supermodel driving beauty's hearse...." Whew!
Richard
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Richard :-). I think I felt the need to write one after your reworking of yours. This felt good coming out.
Mike
Comment from karenina
Oh, this is rich. Iambic pentameter is so crisp and flawless that I think the Bard of Avon is somewhere nodding.
Never heard of "tisane" before so thanks for that! (I love to do crosswords and it'll come in handy, I'm sure.)
Why do we purge ourselves onto the page? What is the driving force?
"But steam escapes when ink-based vents permit,
emancipating love from terror's grip,"
Yes, sir.
This is precisely why!
Karenina
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reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Oh, this is rich. Iambic pentameter is so crisp and flawless that I think the Bard of Avon is somewhere nodding.
Never heard of "tisane" before so thanks for that! (I love to do crosswords and it'll come in handy, I'm sure.)
Why do we purge ourselves onto the page? What is the driving force?
"But steam escapes when ink-based vents permit,
emancipating love from terror's grip,"
Yes, sir.
This is precisely why!
Karenina
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Aww, shucks! I used to read loads of David Gemmell, who taught me lots about writing heroic fantasy, but was also obsessed with food and drink, filling his stories with tisanes, black bread slathered with butter, and hearty rabbit stews.
Tisane was one of the words that stuck!
Tha ks so much for the lively review :-).
Mike
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Great word! My IQ went up a point!
Smile.....
