Sweeping the Walls
a rhymed poem56 total reviews
Comment from Christine Geyer
I enjoyed reading your poem.it was intriguing. I wanted to meet this person to understand how he was so carefree! Very easy to read and light but interesting too. Nice job
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I enjoyed reading your poem.it was intriguing. I wanted to meet this person to understand how he was so carefree! Very easy to read and light but interesting too. Nice job
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
Comment from jake cosmos aller
i like this short meditative poem about life and the meaning of life. I also like the underlying message. It is a powerful, moving poem using everyday language to convey its message.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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i like this short meditative poem about life and the meaning of life. I also like the underlying message. It is a powerful, moving poem using everyday language to convey its message.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Jake, for looking past the superficial words to discover the deeper meaning of this poem. Most people didn't see through it to the other side.
Best wishes,
Jesse
Comment from dragonpoet
Sounds like a genuinely carefree person or a trust fund kid who doesn't have to worry about anything. If only we could all always be this way.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Sounds like a genuinely carefree person or a trust fund kid who doesn't have to worry about anything. If only we could all always be this way.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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You have found it, Joan. A genuinely carefree person is one who looks past the need for money and fame and enjoys the everyday freedom of just being.
We can be this way if we want it bad enough.
I will keep writing and continue to embrace a healthy lifestyle.
Jesse
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Joan I am happy I got your meaning and that you will keep writing and try to stay healthy,
Joan
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Great!
Comment from Quoiky
Very nice piece of work. Easy to read and understand.
'Laughing out loud
Head in a cloud
Dreams of lying in the sun'
This sounds like a daydreamer like my son, or myself.
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Very nice piece of work. Easy to read and understand.
'Laughing out loud
Head in a cloud
Dreams of lying in the sun'
This sounds like a daydreamer like my son, or myself.
Nicely done.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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A daydreamer or one who looks past the life of so many to find the soul within oneself. We can all have it if we look within instead of outward.
Thanks for the kind words and descriptive overview.
We are all daydreamers at heart!
Best wishes,
Jesse
Comment from mermaids
You have a smooth flow of rhyming words that gives an almost musical feel to your poem. "Head in a cloud, dreams of lying in the sun" give a laid back feel to your poem. Sounds like this individual is enjoying life.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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You have a smooth flow of rhyming words that gives an almost musical feel to your poem. "Head in a cloud, dreams of lying in the sun" give a laid back feel to your poem. Sounds like this individual is enjoying life.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the references to music as I love music very much. A laid back feel is always a good sign of having a great experience. Definitely, we are enjoying life!
Have a wonderful rest of your week,
Jesse
Comment from estory
i liked how you used this wave like rhythm repeating throughout the piece to generate a feeling of riding the wave, its ups and downs. The down to Earth tone also works to make us empathize with the point of view. We can see ourselves there. estory
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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i liked how you used this wave like rhythm repeating throughout the piece to generate a feeling of riding the wave, its ups and downs. The down to Earth tone also works to make us empathize with the point of view. We can see ourselves there. estory
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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This is marvelous feedback! Empathizing with the point of view is exactly what I was hoping for. Riding a wave and its eternal rhythm is the feedback I can use.
Thank you so much, my friend!
Jesse
Comment from bob cullen
Love the style of this poem. Three lines to the verse with good and consistent rhyme. I would call it both original and innovative. And very readable.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Love the style of this poem. Three lines to the verse with good and consistent rhyme. I would call it both original and innovative. And very readable.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Bob, for the excellent analysis and feedback for helping me grow as a poet. Your kind comments are greatly appreciated.
Best wishes,
Jesse
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
This sounds like a definition of freedom--being content and even joyous in the life you are living. It is an enviable state and well captured in this piece.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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This sounds like a definition of freedom--being content and even joyous in the life you are living. It is an enviable state and well captured in this piece.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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I love your 'take' on this poem! A definition of true freedom is accepting the life you've been given and embracing it fully!
Your feedback, Nancy, is helpful and wonderful to hear.
Thank you so much!
Have a beautiful day!
Jesse
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:-)
Comment from kahpot
Going through life without care can be a good thing as long as we don't hurt anyone along the way, an excellent rhyming poem as all the stanzas combine to tell a story, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Going through life without care can be a good thing as long as we don't hurt anyone along the way, an excellent rhyming poem as all the stanzas combine to tell a story, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Good morning! It is hard to not hurt anyone along the way. We can try to avoid it, but it is inevitable that someone, somewhere will feel hurt about something we said or did. So, create your happiness and leave the worrying to someone else.
Thank you for the kind comments.
Have a great day, my friend!
Jesse
Comment from LJbutterfly
It sounds as though you gave the protagonist a lot of thought, because there are people just like him. You used specific words to tell us exactly who he is..."no worries, head in a cloud, carefree, and plays games. He'll probably live a long, happy life. Great work, here.
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It sounds as though you gave the protagonist a lot of thought, because there are people just like him. You used specific words to tell us exactly who he is..."no worries, head in a cloud, carefree, and plays games. He'll probably live a long, happy life. Great work, here.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
