Gloom
A gloomy feeling as fog rolls in.3 total reviews
Comment from C2
This is such an excellent senryu poem. I found only one other poem that I thought surpassed it and just barely. The clammy cool of gloom diguised as a spilled vanilla shake is quite brilliant. It evoke all the senses: we see the thick white spill, smell the faintly overipe of vanilla, feel the cold sticky fog and may even hear from far off the haunting sound of the surf. Well done!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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This is such an excellent senryu poem. I found only one other poem that I thought surpassed it and just barely. The clammy cool of gloom diguised as a spilled vanilla shake is quite brilliant. It evoke all the senses: we see the thick white spill, smell the faintly overipe of vanilla, feel the cold sticky fog and may even hear from far off the haunting sound of the surf. Well done!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for the encouraging comments. Much appreciated.
Comment from Sally Law
A senryu is all about feeling. You've gone a step beyond with this marvelous poem. A winner in my eyes.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sally :))
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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A senryu is all about feeling. You've gone a step beyond with this marvelous poem. A winner in my eyes.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sally :))
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and your encouraging feedback.
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You are most welcome. Best wishes!
Comment from RodG
Your Senryu leaves me a bit confused. The fog, at first, appears to be "gloom chilling my bones." Not a pleasant image. But then you compare it to a "thick vanilla milk shake." I love milk shakes, but I'm left wondering how I should FEEL about the fog.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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Your Senryu leaves me a bit confused. The fog, at first, appears to be "gloom chilling my bones." Not a pleasant image. But then you compare it to a "thick vanilla milk shake." I love milk shakes, but I'm left wondering how I should FEEL about the fog.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2022
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The fog is as thick as a vanilla milk shake, the reason for the chill.
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Thick milk shakes only whet my appetite. They don?t chill me.
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Ever have a milk shake on a hot day?
