Best Left Alone
A Puente poem for Potlatch Poetry35 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I missed this one, and loads of other work on here. Life has been getting in the way of writing and reading.
This was excellent, you used this form perfectly. I like the name Puente, too. I also think some things must remain a mystery in life, our brains aren't built to cope with such unimaginable things like the universe and all that exists in it. Well done, my dear sister! I hope you're feeling a tiny bit better now, you're always in my thoughts. Love you lots. Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 24-May-2022
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I missed this one, and loads of other work on here. Life has been getting in the way of writing and reading.
This was excellent, you used this form perfectly. I like the name Puente, too. I also think some things must remain a mystery in life, our brains aren't built to cope with such unimaginable things like the universe and all that exists in it. Well done, my dear sister! I hope you're feeling a tiny bit better now, you're always in my thoughts. Love you lots. Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 24-May-2022
reply by the author on 24-May-2022
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Thank you, dearest sis. Have you been very busy lately? I hope you are okay. We need to catch up soon.
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Yes, I've had lots happening in the family. I'll tell you all about it when we chat. Love you lots, my dear sister. xxx
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🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. God already knows everything so we should be covered. You did a good job writing this poem and it was a joy to read.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. God already knows everything so we should be covered. You did a good job writing this poem and it was a joy to read.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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We don't need to know everything. Thank you, Barbara, for reviewing.
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
I enjoyed this poem. You have several very creative expressions, but my favorite is equator's jewels. Using 'puente' was an outstanding idea. I like especially the thought that is 'key.'
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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I enjoyed this poem. You have several very creative expressions, but my favorite is equator's jewels. Using 'puente' was an outstanding idea. I like especially the thought that is 'key.'
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you a lovely review.
Comment from Sally Law
Only God needs to know everything. I used to think this was important, but it's not. An enlightening poem of the value of contented wisdom.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the challenge,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Only God needs to know everything. I used to think this was important, but it's not. An enlightening poem of the value of contented wisdom.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the challenge,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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You are so right. Besides, it wouldn't be any fun if we knew everything. We need mystery in our life. Thanks, Sally.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi damommy,
This is a fantastic job. The more I read you, the more I realize you have a great talent for poetry.
Thanks for teaching this form, the Puente. I need to try it myself.
I like the rhyme scheme, aabbcc c d,d,e,e,f,f , and how the bridge rhymes with the last two lines of verse 1.
And I love the closing message,
"No benefit to knowing all
the puzzles of this spinning ball.
Some wonders should be left alone,
existing in the great unknown."
This is a very deep poem, not easily understood even after a few readings. The true message will eventually come over the next couple of days as I think about it.
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Hi damommy,
This is a fantastic job. The more I read you, the more I realize you have a great talent for poetry.
Thanks for teaching this form, the Puente. I need to try it myself.
I like the rhyme scheme, aabbcc c d,d,e,e,f,f , and how the bridge rhymes with the last two lines of verse 1.
And I love the closing message,
"No benefit to knowing all
the puzzles of this spinning ball.
Some wonders should be left alone,
existing in the great unknown."
This is a very deep poem, not easily understood even after a few readings. The true message will eventually come over the next couple of days as I think about it.
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I'm speechless. I appreciate the compliment, and I'm so happy you like my poem.
Comment from royowen
As always you've done a fabulous job with this, I haven't seen it before, and probably may not see it again, you're good at these Yvonne. Slickly rhymed and a great job, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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As always you've done a fabulous job with this, I haven't seen it before, and probably may not see it again, you're good at these Yvonne. Slickly rhymed and a great job, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you, Roy.
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A pleasure
Comment from Paul McFarland
This is a good one, Yvonne. This is a new form for me. It is amazing how many different poetic forms I have been introduced to on this site. I may try this form someday.
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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This is a good one, Yvonne. This is a new form for me. It is amazing how many different poetic forms I have been introduced to on this site. I may try this form someday.
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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You should try it. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Your Puente poem is what I call a thought provoking poem as you ponder our spinning ball and the secrets she still holds. Nicely done with this form Yvonne, cheers Valda
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Your Puente poem is what I call a thought provoking poem as you ponder our spinning ball and the secrets she still holds. Nicely done with this form Yvonne, cheers Valda
Comment Written 23-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you. It's an interesting form, I think.
Comment from SimianSavant
Technical observations:
t'would => 'twould (assuming this is a contraction for "it would")
if one by one were joined by strings => this is workable but for a slight improvements to clarity, maybe try: "if one by one they joined in strings" (active instead of passive tense, mainly to preserve the object pronoun without disrupting your meter)
Now on the content itself --
Nice rhymes and structure, and narrative thread. It's a great form, and thanks for introducing me to it. I believe with a few tweaks you could make this piece more emotionally compelling. Here are some thoughts on that.
Its vital mysteries remain
to keep the secrets they retain. <= this doesn't make sense logically. Mystery exists to retain itself recursively? The purpose of mystery is mystery? What if you wrote instead something like : "like golden goose's eggs unlain". I cheated here cause "unlain" isn't a word technically, but it gives the reader something to think about.
No benefit to knowing all
the puzzles of this spinning ball.
Is that true? How do we know there is no benefit? Maybe something like "in ages hence none could recall", or "the toll of time tears from us all". Lots of directions this could go!
Some wonders should be left alone => should be? Or must be? Is it a moral imperative, or a pragmatic resignation?
Thanks for the interesting read,
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Technical observations:
t'would => 'twould (assuming this is a contraction for "it would")
if one by one were joined by strings => this is workable but for a slight improvements to clarity, maybe try: "if one by one they joined in strings" (active instead of passive tense, mainly to preserve the object pronoun without disrupting your meter)
Now on the content itself --
Nice rhymes and structure, and narrative thread. It's a great form, and thanks for introducing me to it. I believe with a few tweaks you could make this piece more emotionally compelling. Here are some thoughts on that.
Its vital mysteries remain
to keep the secrets they retain. <= this doesn't make sense logically. Mystery exists to retain itself recursively? The purpose of mystery is mystery? What if you wrote instead something like : "like golden goose's eggs unlain". I cheated here cause "unlain" isn't a word technically, but it gives the reader something to think about.
No benefit to knowing all
the puzzles of this spinning ball.
Is that true? How do we know there is no benefit? Maybe something like "in ages hence none could recall", or "the toll of time tears from us all". Lots of directions this could go!
Some wonders should be left alone => should be? Or must be? Is it a moral imperative, or a pragmatic resignation?
Thanks for the interesting read,
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 23-May-2022
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'Best Left Alone' , is an exceptionally well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. With craft and skill this talented poet has told it as she sees it. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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'Best Left Alone' , is an exceptionally well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. With craft and skill this talented poet has told it as she sees it. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Thank you so much.
You're very welcome.
