Breakfast at Waffle House
A flash fiction contest entry.23 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This isn't going to end well, is it? Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. My husband is a huge fan of Waffle House, me not so much. I enjoyed reading and you told the story and set the scene nicely.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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This isn't going to end well, is it? Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. My husband is a huge fan of Waffle House, me not so much. I enjoyed reading and you told the story and set the scene nicely.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from dmt1967
This story pulled me into the story from the word go. It also made me hungry lol. I thought the picture looked good enough to eat. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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This story pulled me into the story from the word go. It also made me hungry lol. I thought the picture looked good enough to eat. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Ha! This started out as a humor piece but after some feedback from other writers it took a fark left turn. Thanks for the read!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting flash. We think it's all about loving the food, and then you have to mention the gun under his shirt and the wish for more people to come into the restaurant. You, my friend, have a grim imagination. Keep at it. You might have a story picked up for turning into a tv series.
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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This is an interesting flash. We think it's all about loving the food, and then you have to mention the gun under his shirt and the wish for more people to come into the restaurant. You, my friend, have a grim imagination. Keep at it. You might have a story picked up for turning into a tv series.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Thank you?I think.
:)
Comment from Ric Myworld
Your story gives me the idea that we share a few thoughts about real people, the characters of the world. The waffle house can introduce us to all types, and probably more than a few with a gun. LOL. This reminds me of my few part story about Tucker. Great job! Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Your story gives me the idea that we share a few thoughts about real people, the characters of the world. The waffle house can introduce us to all types, and probably more than a few with a gun. LOL. This reminds me of my few part story about Tucker. Great job! Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thanks for the read!
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
That is seriously good. One minute I'm smelling the breakfast cooking then I'm plunged into fear knowing what is about to happen. Very relevant after what happened in buffalo. Great work in so few words.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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That is seriously good. One minute I'm smelling the breakfast cooking then I'm plunged into fear knowing what is about to happen. Very relevant after what happened in buffalo. Great work in so few words.
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thanks for the generous review Malcolm! Much appreciated.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, C2. The image is perfect, too.
Your words are descriptive, there's smooth flow, and a good
pace to the reading. From the flash stories I've read, I believe
one needs to have some kind of twist at the end. I didn't
see this here, though you story was interesting. I like the
descriptions of the foods and the regulars who visit there.
When I read the title, I thought this would be about a shooting
that happened in a true to life business--a real Waffle House.
Best wishes, Jan
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Your contest entry read well, C2. The image is perfect, too.
Your words are descriptive, there's smooth flow, and a good
pace to the reading. From the flash stories I've read, I believe
one needs to have some kind of twist at the end. I didn't
see this here, though you story was interesting. I like the
descriptions of the foods and the regulars who visit there.
When I read the title, I thought this would be about a shooting
that happened in a true to life business--a real Waffle House.
Best wishes, Jan
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Point taken. Try re-reading the one I just edited and let me know what you think! Thanks for the feedback.
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Super duper, scary as all get out!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well done. Comfort food is right. Though with cost-saving features universally employed, their bacon has become far too thin and their coffee too pale. But those hash browns.... mmmm-mm.
Best wishes and good luck.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Well done. Comfort food is right. Though with cost-saving features universally employed, their bacon has become far too thin and their coffee too pale. But those hash browns.... mmmm-mm.
Best wishes and good luck.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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I agree on both counts. The bacon and the coffee!
Comment from jessizero
You did a great job with the flash fiction prompt. I like the Waffle House, too! You have captured its spirit here. Now I'm hungry! Thanks for sharing this poem. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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You did a great job with the flash fiction prompt. I like the Waffle House, too! You have captured its spirit here. Now I'm hungry! Thanks for sharing this poem. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Congrats! Good flash fiction. With so few words, best to keep it simple, to the point and specific. You did that. Good luck in the contest. I wonder why you choose to use the first person for the narrative, rather than the third person? Somehow, in this case, to me, first person makes it seem more like a brief essay than fiction. I also wonder if you were going to expand this into a bigger story, where would you go with it? It's pretty self-contained as it is. Maybe if there is something more, a hint of that would be good in the beginning.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Congrats! Good flash fiction. With so few words, best to keep it simple, to the point and specific. You did that. Good luck in the contest. I wonder why you choose to use the first person for the narrative, rather than the third person? Somehow, in this case, to me, first person makes it seem more like a brief essay than fiction. I also wonder if you were going to expand this into a bigger story, where would you go with it? It's pretty self-contained as it is. Maybe if there is something more, a hint of that would be good in the beginning.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Olivanne,
I think you are right about the point of view. I changed it to third-person and I think that works better. I like the idea of leaving a hint of something more to the story in the beginning or perhaps the end. I?ll play around with that!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Maybe do another word count check on this. I make it 149 words and it needs to be exactly 150 to qualify.
It's a nice little vignette.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Hi there,
Maybe do another word count check on this. I make it 149 words and it needs to be exactly 150 to qualify.
It's a nice little vignette.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Thanks for the catch. Somehow the maple in maple syrup dissappered!
