The Appeal of Tangier
Thinking of a past vacation while fighting traffic.22 total reviews
Comment from R.B.Bunn
This was a well written piece. The imagery was so clear that it was very easy to imagine the scene. It was a fascinating scene that makes me want to try and go there someday. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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This was a well written piece. The imagery was so clear that it was very easy to imagine the scene. It was a fascinating scene that makes me want to try and go there someday. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
Three continents I've never been to, Africa, Antarctica and South America, this is an excellent post, full of descriptive text and a decidedly marvellously Romantic place, with great imagery, like Casablanca and now Tangiers, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Three continents I've never been to, Africa, Antarctica and South America, this is an excellent post, full of descriptive text and a decidedly marvellously Romantic place, with great imagery, like Casablanca and now Tangiers, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Thanks Roy!
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Most welcome
Comment from KJ
I had seen this challenge, looked at the words, and moved on. I really liked the way you used these words in your work which was clever, moving, and full of excellent imagery. Definitely a sophisticated take on this challenge and a worthy winner. Well done!
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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I had seen this challenge, looked at the words, and moved on. I really liked the way you used these words in your work which was clever, moving, and full of excellent imagery. Definitely a sophisticated take on this challenge and a worthy winner. Well done!
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Thank KJ?.I nearly passed on this one too but "spice" kept taking me to Tangier.
Comment from nomi338
You describe an exotic setting that inspired poetry based on scenes that were foreign to you until you experienced them. As I read, I thought: What would someone from the place of which you wrote, think and write if he were to visit your homeland and the places you inhabit at home?
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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You describe an exotic setting that inspired poetry based on scenes that were foreign to you until you experienced them. As I read, I thought: What would someone from the place of which you wrote, think and write if he were to visit your homeland and the places you inhabit at home?
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Thank you nomi338. I?m afraid the residents of Tangier would find my Farmer?s Market in Dallas pretty lame in comparison to theirs, but it?s an interesting idea to think about what would interest them!
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We are rarely ready for experiencing that which is foreign to us beforehand. I chose to go to the island of Okinawa based on a novel I read about it. My expectations were quite different from the reality I encountered once I got there.
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I lived in Osaka for two years (2017-2019) and loved it but man was it mind-blowingly different than what I expected!
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Absolutely.
Comment from Fleedleflump
Your language has a beautiful, natural rhythm that pulses along throughout this piece. Love the mixture of tongue-in-cheek observation and affectionate wistfulness.
I very much enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Your language has a beautiful, natural rhythm that pulses along throughout this piece. Love the mixture of tongue-in-cheek observation and affectionate wistfulness.
I very much enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment Written 13-May-2022
reply by the author on 13-May-2022
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Thanks Mike?it?s always tricky when forced to use certain words!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your poem is well thought out with descriptive
words. I enjoyed reading it. The required words
fit in smoothly to tell of this memory. I could
picture everything you mentioned as I read.
Congratulations on your win, Jan
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Your poem is well thought out with descriptive
words. I enjoyed reading it. The required words
fit in smoothly to tell of this memory. I could
picture everything you mentioned as I read.
Congratulations on your win, Jan
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thanks Jan!
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, The Appeal of Tangier, includes the required words and creates a remarkable scene of this exotic place which brings to mind Casablanca as remembered in that film with Bogart.
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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This poem, The Appeal of Tangier, includes the required words and creates a remarkable scene of this exotic place which brings to mind Casablanca as remembered in that film with Bogart.
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Your poem has brought us to the city of Tangler and to the farmer markets and yummy produce. You had many different sights in this poem that you experienced. What a historic place to visit.
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Your poem has brought us to the city of Tangler and to the farmer markets and yummy produce. You had many different sights in this poem that you experienced. What a historic place to visit.
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thanks.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
I thrill at your obvious opportunity to experience an adventure that many or most of us will never be afforded. Good for you. However...
1st stanza: I don't understand how you could be 'fighting traffic' amongst leashed rescue dogs? Traffic would conjure cars, trucks and trailers but leashed dogs would seem to be restricted to the sidewalk. And this image cannot possibly be describing a 'farmer's market,' can it?
6th sentence: It's hard for me to read the second stanza without at least an "I" to begin the first sentence.
8th sentence: I don't think 'Straits' should be capitalized in this instance.
11th sentence: I know 'Medina' as the second holiest city in Islam. Is that where you are saying these thoughts take place. If that is how this word is used here, I don't think the word 'the' is warranted.
13th sentence: I don't know what Bab Fass is and I couldn't even find it in the Wiki except for a name for a barrel. But, since you have it capitalized, I am certain that is not how it is being used here.
16th sentence: 'Burroughs' and 'El Muniria' names of something unfamiliar to me and I'm sure to other readers, with no explanation.
17th sentence: What does 'writing Naked Lunch' mean? Perhaps a sexual interlude over lunch, or after, or before?
A confusing read at best. More likely, very familiar to you and others who have had the opportunity to travel to and experience 'Algiers' but for us less fortunate, a mixture of unfamiliar terms and sights.
Sorry for the less than expected rating.
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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I thrill at your obvious opportunity to experience an adventure that many or most of us will never be afforded. Good for you. However...
1st stanza: I don't understand how you could be 'fighting traffic' amongst leashed rescue dogs? Traffic would conjure cars, trucks and trailers but leashed dogs would seem to be restricted to the sidewalk. And this image cannot possibly be describing a 'farmer's market,' can it?
6th sentence: It's hard for me to read the second stanza without at least an "I" to begin the first sentence.
8th sentence: I don't think 'Straits' should be capitalized in this instance.
11th sentence: I know 'Medina' as the second holiest city in Islam. Is that where you are saying these thoughts take place. If that is how this word is used here, I don't think the word 'the' is warranted.
13th sentence: I don't know what Bab Fass is and I couldn't even find it in the Wiki except for a name for a barrel. But, since you have it capitalized, I am certain that is not how it is being used here.
16th sentence: 'Burroughs' and 'El Muniria' names of something unfamiliar to me and I'm sure to other readers, with no explanation.
17th sentence: What does 'writing Naked Lunch' mean? Perhaps a sexual interlude over lunch, or after, or before?
A confusing read at best. More likely, very familiar to you and others who have had the opportunity to travel to and experience 'Algiers' but for us less fortunate, a mixture of unfamiliar terms and sights.
Sorry for the less than expected rating.
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Gary,
You obviously spend valuable time on your review so I thought I would do the same with my reply rather than simply blow off your comments. I assure you, I am not thin-skinned like many I have encountered on this site. A bad job needs constructive feedback to get better and I have certainly written my share that needed a better edit. I don?t think this particular poem is one of those examples. I think your criticisms here were mainly based on your lack of familiarity with urban life and Tangier and your lack of curiosity to investigate, not actual structural flaws.
1. Fighting traffic (your words) is very different thing from "weekend" traffic "through downtown" (my words). Those who have navigated weekend traffic or live in downtown areas are more than familiar with hipsters and their dogs converging on streets and city parks, crowding restaurant sidewalks, bars and food trucks which chokes cars trying to move along streets and through intersections. Giving up on the Farmer?s Market meant turning around before I got there. Perhaps I could have added "before I even arrive" to the end of the last line in the first stanza but I think it would interrupt the rhythm of the poem and is unnecessary. The description is accurate whether I am at or on the way to the market?at least on weekends in Dallas where I live.
2. The second stanza should be considered a contiuation of thought/action from the previous stanza and I think it works fine. "I consider giving up the Farmers Market?remember instead a summer...? Poems don?t require complete sentences?are in fact fragmentary by nature.
3. "the Straits" refers to the Straits of Gibraltar which separates the port of Tangier from Spain. This is the correct short reference for a proper noun in context.
4. I have used "the medina" correctly as "medina" is a word Moroccans use for the "old city" inside Tangier. Had I for some reason been referring to the city in Saudia Arabia I would have capitalized it.
5. Bab Fass is the proper name of the entrance gate to the market and is shown in the picture. I found it in the very first search result Google returned when I entered the key words "bab fass tangier."
6. William Burroughs was a famous American writer from the 50?s who lived in Tangier where he wrote his most recognized novel, Naked Lunch thus "writing Naked Lunch between binges..." I refer to El Muniria as a hotel which should remove any doubt that this is a proper name. Burroughs lived in room nine for over a year. He was a notorious alcoholic and drug addict.
Now that I?ve provided clarifications for your specific criticisms let me say this: giving a poem a low rating because you don?t understand a few of the references is like criticizing art because you don?t like the color the painter chose for his apples. You don?t have to like it, but the mere fact that you don?t understand it doesn?t make the choice a flawed one.
"Taking" someone to an exotic place they have never visited (and considering also the people who have been there) requires a writer to provide:
1. geographical context (the Straits, occasionally a view of the sea, "Berbers" from the Atlas mountains)
2. interesting and obscure historical references (like Burroughs or ancient Phoenician tombs)
3. unique cultural images (berbers?which actually should have been capitalized?on their tarps)
4. unfamiliar names (Bab Fass, El Muniria, Cafe Hafa)
5. specific words from the native the language that make readers want to pick up a dictionary (souks, medina, bartok)
To me, learning new things is what makes reading fun. Having to stop and educate myself on a word, place or concept I am not familiar with is a joy. Why would one even read if not to learn about something new?
I think there?s something deeper here you should at least consider. From the first sarcastic line of your review: "I thrill at your obvious opportunity to experience an adventure that many or most of us will never be afforded. Good for you..." it is apparent that this poem annoys you. Or more specifically, the idea that I have been to Tangier and you haven?t annoys you.
If you think the writing is smug?somehow looks down on the reader or rubs the reader?s face in the fact that I have been to Tangiers and they haven?t?that might be an honest and valid criticism if you could articulate specifically what it is in the language or style that evokes that reaction. However, you do not not make that assertion.
Therefore, your review can only fall into one of the three following catagories:
1. It?s dishonest because it lacks the courage to assert and demonstrte the argument for smuggness as the poem?s fatal flaw;
2. It?s flawed because you simply nitpicked at unfamiliar references rather than exert the slight effort required to clarify them and better understand the poem; or
3. It?s misguided because you fail to recognize that you allowed the poem to evoke a deep-seeded resentment or jealousy that has nothing to do with the writer or his words
My intention was to share with readers a glimpse of a place that fascinates me; never to make them feel loathe for not having been. And although it will probably make no difference to you, I would point out that any piece of writing about a real place must also also ring true for those who have been there who will read it.
I believe you should change your review. Each of your reasons for the low rating was really just laziness on your part, not a grammatical or syntactical error on mine. And you failed to articulate any other flaws.
Currently, the poem is ranked second in the contest to which it was submitted, is only one vote behind first place and has recieved 5 six-star reviews (three of them from people who have never been to Tangier and two from people who have). None of the reviews have expressed a similar reaction to yours.
In other words, I think its you, not the poem.
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Wow, tremendous response to my rather critical review. Your explanations on my critique have helped me considerably and they help explain why you are getting such a high score in the contest (7 or 8 I think, wasn't it?)
The unfamiliar names and words did make me research. I like that part of reviewing. But I honestly could not find the 'Bab Fass' you did. That's really the reason I didn't really complain about the others because I felt elucidated by reading your poem.
Oh please, seriously, don't think me sarcastic, I detest sarcasm. I really meant what I said. I am so tickled that you have had the opportunity to visit someplace like Algiers. I wish I could, but that wish does not make me envy you at all, I am just pleased for you. Seriously, I mean it.
I am so sorry you have placed my review in one of your three described categories. I guess the closest one would be #2. Perhaps I did 'nit-pick' because I couldn't understand some of the things, even after having looked them up. But I do feel any writing should be able to be read and enjoyed without having to have a dictionary at one's side.
But seriously, my review, though it may have sounded negative was not meant to be an attack on anything. It was mainly me being lost in a myriad of words and phrases that didn't click with my own experiences, that's all.
When I looked at other ratings, I knew right away that I must be missing something, but I had already rated. I will indeed re-visit the piece and hopefully be challenged to upgrade my rating. I see on the voting chart and on the poem page how well it is doing, and I think that is wonderful. I have to agree, there must be something in my technique or method that is not working.
I regard the reviewing process very highly. I think it is even more important than the writing itself. Every review of any of my work will help me improve and I want to get to the point where I can deliver helpful, warranted reviews. Replies such as this one will help steer me in the right direction.
Thanks for the reply. Incidentally, this is the best reply I have ever had to any of my reviews, negative or positive.
We just need to make our feelings and thoughts apparent to one another. My aim on FanStory is to improve my writing, reviewing helps me do that and good, thorough replies such as yours helps me as well.
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Oh, incidentally "fighting weekend traffic" are your words. They appear in the very first sentence of the submission. There I go getting nit-picky again, but it's true. And you Are right, I'm a country boy so I would have a lot to learn about urban life.
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I know which were my words. If you re-read my reply I am comparing your words ?fighting traffic? to my words ?weekend traffic through downtown? which I said are very different things. Your description omitted weekend and downtown which are what I think made my writing bring pedestrians into context.
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ok, I concede, I have changed the rating and I think it is time to move on.
Comment from Wendy G
You have used the required words in a clever and unforced way and in so doing have shared your rich memories of Tangier. I enjoyed your poem a lot with its vivid descriptions and send you best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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You have used the required words in a clever and unforced way and in so doing have shared your rich memories of Tangier. I enjoyed your poem a lot with its vivid descriptions and send you best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you Wendy!
