Fire
A woman's house is on fire.17 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
How tragic to have your house catch fire.
Fakes sympathy for her husband only to discover she not only murdered him with sleeping pills but committed arson to cover the crime.
Good twisted ending.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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How tragic to have your house catch fire.
Fakes sympathy for her husband only to discover she not only murdered him with sleeping pills but committed arson to cover the crime.
Good twisted ending.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Thank you for the review. After several edits and a reduction of words, I published it online on the 101 word website.
Comment from lancellot
Well written. You did well in building the surprise ending and by having the woman be an abused wife, it will make many readers feel better and justified in a having a woman kill her husband. Makes it deserved.
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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Well written. You did well in building the surprise ending and by having the woman be an abused wife, it will make many readers feel better and justified in a having a woman kill her husband. Makes it deserved.
Comment Written 09-May-2022
reply by the author on 09-May-2022
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Thank you
Comment from Annmuma
Wonderful entry for the contest! Just enough suspense, just enough 'karma' and just enough building to make a great story. I loved it from word one. Good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Wonderful entry for the contest! Just enough suspense, just enough 'karma' and just enough building to make a great story. I loved it from word one. Good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you for those kind words.
Comment from Eliz T.
Oh wow. That was definitely a surprise ending that did not dissapoint. I was wondering where it was going but you saved it for the very end. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Oh wow. That was definitely a surprise ending that did not dissapoint. I was wondering where it was going but you saved it for the very end. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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And thank you for those kind words.
Comment from phill doran
Hello TPA,
Very, very good. I also think you should get extra points from writing about a fire as 'flash' fiction.
A very action-packed opening, and a great turn of events to twist the story.
I might have gone for 'hint' rather than 'tint', but maybe that's a personal choice.
I wish you well with this piece and with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Hello TPA,
Very, very good. I also think you should get extra points from writing about a fire as 'flash' fiction.
A very action-packed opening, and a great turn of events to twist the story.
I might have gone for 'hint' rather than 'tint', but maybe that's a personal choice.
I wish you well with this piece and with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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You are so gracious with the stars and a kind review. THANK YOU.
Comment from karenina
You got me. Did not see that coming! A good Flash has a wallop of an ending and you provided that. I imagine a while lot of battered women lay awake at night and wonder if they'd dare...
Karenina
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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You got me. Did not see that coming! A good Flash has a wallop of an ending and you provided that. I imagine a while lot of battered women lay awake at night and wonder if they'd dare...
Karenina
Comment Written 08-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Your words were kind and much appreciated. I agree with your last statement.
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Having been there in my youth, I can say I thought a time or two...
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This reminds me of a film. It's sad all around. I feel bad for the woman and the man. The woman went through hell with the man. However, it would have been best to escape him. And again, he may have sought her, found her, and then killed her. It is a catch-22. Thank you.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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This reminds me of a film. It's sad all around. I feel bad for the woman and the man. The woman went through hell with the man. However, it would have been best to escape him. And again, he may have sought her, found her, and then killed her. It is a catch-22. Thank you.
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Enjoyed reading your review, thank you.
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
I love how you made the house on fire a metaphor for the abused woman's rage. You took the "burning bed" a few steps further. I had a problem with the woman standing alone watching her house burn and throwing the sleeping pills down the storm drain. She could never be alone watching her house burn once the fire fighters came because the fire fighters would stay until the fire was out. Maybe you can have her empty the pills into the toilet and flush just before she sets the fire and leaves the house. Because this is a flash fiction contest, I realize you are under some word count constraints, but it would be okay to work in a sentence about how the fire looked, smelled, sounded as it consumed the house. Another sentence or some more specific dialogue about how the woman was actually reacting to the fire. Did she run around screaming hysterically that her husband was inside as the tears gushed from her eyes? Did she stand dumbly, flatly protesting to the fire fighters that her husband was inside as a tear rolled down her cheek. Did she stand on the edges screaming about her husband being inside? I loved the "tint of a smile" description...perfect! Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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I love how you made the house on fire a metaphor for the abused woman's rage. You took the "burning bed" a few steps further. I had a problem with the woman standing alone watching her house burn and throwing the sleeping pills down the storm drain. She could never be alone watching her house burn once the fire fighters came because the fire fighters would stay until the fire was out. Maybe you can have her empty the pills into the toilet and flush just before she sets the fire and leaves the house. Because this is a flash fiction contest, I realize you are under some word count constraints, but it would be okay to work in a sentence about how the fire looked, smelled, sounded as it consumed the house. Another sentence or some more specific dialogue about how the woman was actually reacting to the fire. Did she run around screaming hysterically that her husband was inside as the tears gushed from her eyes? Did she stand dumbly, flatly protesting to the fire fighters that her husband was inside as a tear rolled down her cheek. Did she stand on the edges screaming about her husband being inside? I loved the "tint of a smile" description...perfect! Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Thank you for the review and your suggestions. I am pleased you enjoyed it.
Comment from pome lover
well, that is a new take on the abuse theme. very good!!! and in 150 words, too. You certainly got my attention with the fire and the surprise ending. It deserves a six, in my book.
Of course, I had to think of practical stuff, like I hope she had fire insurance, and having to find somewhere to live, not to mention replacing all her furniture and stuff. :) kidding.
Katharine
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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well, that is a new take on the abuse theme. very good!!! and in 150 words, too. You certainly got my attention with the fire and the surprise ending. It deserves a six, in my book.
Of course, I had to think of practical stuff, like I hope she had fire insurance, and having to find somewhere to live, not to mention replacing all her furniture and stuff. :) kidding.
Katharine
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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WOW! A delight you had graciously given upon me. I'm working on a short story where some of your suggestions are implicated,
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great. good for you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry has a scary scenario. I like the twist at the end.
However, the last lines seem to come after the fire fighters have left.
Maybe edit that instead of saying she watched her house her house
go up in flames. Also, did you mean a (hint) of a smile rather than
a tint?
Best wishes, Jan
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Your contest entry has a scary scenario. I like the twist at the end.
However, the last lines seem to come after the fire fighters have left.
Maybe edit that instead of saying she watched her house her house
go up in flames. Also, did you mean a (hint) of a smile rather than
a tint?
Best wishes, Jan
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 07-May-2022
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Thank you for your comments. tint-small smile.
