The Adventures of Justin Thyme
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Cold and Deep"Crime mystery fiction
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I love wordplay like this. It reminds me of old Camel cigarette commercial to find the real smoker. I love this investigation: "She was nervous and unsure. He glanced down at her hands. She wore no rings, but a small white band of skin was on her ring finger showed she had recently worn, perhaps a wedding ring but no longer." Strong setting: "There were no sounds or signs of life or activity beyond the occasional bird." Excellent...shall we hope for more?
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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I love wordplay like this. It reminds me of old Camel cigarette commercial to find the real smoker. I love this investigation: "She was nervous and unsure. He glanced down at her hands. She wore no rings, but a small white band of skin was on her ring finger showed she had recently worn, perhaps a wedding ring but no longer." Strong setting: "There were no sounds or signs of life or activity beyond the occasional bird." Excellent...shall we hope for more?
Comment Written 11-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you very much. I feel there should be another chapter, maybe two.
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good
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting start to a new book, Lance. You've developed the characters well with dialogue and descriptions. There were already a few twists in the plot to keep us guessing. Well done.
"but Justin(e) felt he had little choice."
reply by the author on 11-May-2022
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This is an interesting start to a new book, Lance. You've developed the characters well with dialogue and descriptions. There were already a few twists in the plot to keep us guessing. Well done.
"but Justin(e) felt he had little choice."
Comment Written 11-May-2022
reply by the author on 11-May-2022
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading this long one, and your eagle eyes.
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You?re most welcome, Lance. I started reading it on my phone, but it was too long for that. By the time I got back to it, the promotion had ended but I was hooked, so I had to finish it.:) I?m glad I did.
Comment from dmt1967
Justin Twenty Thyme waved goodbye, then walked away into (that) setting sun. (the)
This is a very good story. I liked the plot but found the beginning a bit slow. By the time I got to the middle and end, however, I was hooked. Thank you for sharing and take care.
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Justin Twenty Thyme waved goodbye, then walked away into (that) setting sun. (the)
This is a very good story. I liked the plot but found the beginning a bit slow. By the time I got to the middle and end, however, I was hooked. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 10-May-2022
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Lancellot a good day to you. I hope this finds you well. I really enjoyed this story. I don't know why I'm just seeing it for the first time now and it's already at chapter 5. I will definitely have to go back and read the previous chapters to get up to speed. Good work and have a good day
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Hello Lancellot a good day to you. I hope this finds you well. I really enjoyed this story. I don't know why I'm just seeing it for the first time now and it's already at chapter 5. I will definitely have to go back and read the previous chapters to get up to speed. Good work and have a good day
Comment Written 09-May-2022
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really liked this story line. I hope you plan on continuing it. This is really really good.
ustin sat down behind his wooden desk and looked around his sparse office. (you can omit 'down)
he fact that she owned property meant that she either inherited it, (you can omit 'that')
The dog immediately sat down. (you can omit 'down')
Next, he walked to the checkout counter, pulled over a stool, then sat down. (you can omit 'down')
"Idiot!" Screamed the stocky man as Charlie jumped, then kept going. (lower case 's' on screamed)
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I really liked this story line. I hope you plan on continuing it. This is really really good.
ustin sat down behind his wooden desk and looked around his sparse office. (you can omit 'down)
he fact that she owned property meant that she either inherited it, (you can omit 'that')
The dog immediately sat down. (you can omit 'down')
Next, he walked to the checkout counter, pulled over a stool, then sat down. (you can omit 'down')
"Idiot!" Screamed the stocky man as Charlie jumped, then kept going. (lower case 's' on screamed)
Comment Written 08-May-2022
Comment from BlueTiger
Great work on this story; your descriptions and characters pulled me into the story so that I felt that I was there. Lovely depictions of Old London. No spelling or grammar mistakes that I could find, and very enjoyable story.
Sincerely,
-BT
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Great work on this story; your descriptions and characters pulled me into the story so that I felt that I was there. Lovely depictions of Old London. No spelling or grammar mistakes that I could find, and very enjoyable story.
Sincerely,
-BT
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from leather
How I admire your use of dialogue--it seems so effortless. This was a longer reading than most, but it was by no means a chore. Rather, I was pulled in by the small, young looking man who overcame so many odds. Thank you for the wonderful read.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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How I admire your use of dialogue--it seems so effortless. This was a longer reading than most, but it was by no means a chore. Rather, I was pulled in by the small, young looking man who overcame so many odds. Thank you for the wonderful read.
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent story, that easily has the potential to be an outstanding one. It lacks nothing in the actual story, just a bit in the form, with a few grammatical issues, clumsy constructions and repetitions to eliminate. There are also a couple of points where the story line zig zags a bit, and these would benefit from a slight tightening up.
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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This is an excellent story, that easily has the potential to be an outstanding one. It lacks nothing in the actual story, just a bit in the form, with a few grammatical issues, clumsy constructions and repetitions to eliminate. There are also a couple of points where the story line zig zags a bit, and these would benefit from a slight tightening up.
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Shirley McLain
.I like this story and I definitely want to read more of it. You did a great job, as always holding my interest until the last word. Have a wonderful evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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.I like this story and I definitely want to read more of it. You did a great job, as always holding my interest until the last word. Have a wonderful evening. Shirley
Comment Written 07-May-2022
reply by the author on 08-May-2022
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Thank you very much.
