Lemondrop: The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Lemondrop: The Beginning"The adventure of a lifetime awaits a young frog.
9 total reviews
Comment from Fleedleflump
I started out thinking this was overwritten and took too long to say things, but then I decided that was intentional. It felt like a story being told aloud by a parent or presenter, and the wordiness made things more friendly. Flawlessly written, too - I didn't see any spag issues.
Very much enjoyed the read - a charming tale!
Mike
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I started out thinking this was overwritten and took too long to say things, but then I decided that was intentional. It felt like a story being told aloud by a parent or presenter, and the wordiness made things more friendly. Flawlessly written, too - I didn't see any spag issues.
Very much enjoyed the read - a charming tale!
Mike
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Thank you
Comment from JoannaN
It is a good idea to begin your story in a fairy tale style. There are plenty of direction you can go now from this point. The story is intriguing and well-written.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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It is a good idea to begin your story in a fairy tale style. There are plenty of direction you can go now from this point. The story is intriguing and well-written.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating.
Comment from irishauthorme
Neat story! The age-old tale of the frog, retold, and a good job of it!
Koostan was a great addition, you gave us a very good description of his appearance and character.
Good tension with granting the 'Wish,' and the law has references in past lore.
And hey, please tell me where I can find the sequel, I have to find out how the dilemma is solved!
Thanks, irish
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Neat story! The age-old tale of the frog, retold, and a good job of it!
Koostan was a great addition, you gave us a very good description of his appearance and character.
Good tension with granting the 'Wish,' and the law has references in past lore.
And hey, please tell me where I can find the sequel, I have to find out how the dilemma is solved!
Thanks, irish
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Next chapter will be after this contest.
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The next chapter is now submitted. It is called 'A Most Difficult Wish '. Thank you for reading.
Comment from Haylee Hemphill
Hello!
This is a wonderful chapter and part of your story. Very fun too. I love the name Mr.Greencroak.. Thank you for sharing this!
One Love
Haylee.
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Hello!
This is a wonderful chapter and part of your story. Very fun too. I love the name Mr.Greencroak.. Thank you for sharing this!
One Love
Haylee.
Comment Written 06-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like this adventure for living fiction and have read the taletelling as I find it is so moral to offer us lessons for living in adventure; yes, the dialogues are realistic; well said, well done; post god speed more; positively encouraging editing, negatively not wording, forgiving errors of theist-good authors-writers. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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I like this adventure for living fiction and have read the taletelling as I find it is so moral to offer us lessons for living in adventure; yes, the dialogues are realistic; well said, well done; post god speed more; positively encouraging editing, negatively not wording, forgiving errors of theist-good authors-writers. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 05-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating.
Comment from Edgar Allen Bro
Hmmm...
First and foremost.. Your use of punctuation is excellent. The narrator and character voices are clear and distinct, in my head, while reading. Well done!
It's an interesting story. My only critique has to do with the continuity. There are places when it breaks down. Most noticeably is how Mr. Greencoat.. starts off being framed as wise but as soon as Koostan is introduced into the story, he flips flops. Appearing naïve and emotional one minute then thoughtful and unimpressed the next.
Is being wise more than just being smart? Is it also come a certain way of behaving?
That said, I don't think a reader below a certain age would catch this. One could argue that the interaction with Koostan and the flip flopping makes him seem more relatable to a younger reader, one who themselves aspires to be wise.
This is a good story and you have an excellent writing voice! I've learned from reading your story. Thank You
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Hmmm...
First and foremost.. Your use of punctuation is excellent. The narrator and character voices are clear and distinct, in my head, while reading. Well done!
It's an interesting story. My only critique has to do with the continuity. There are places when it breaks down. Most noticeably is how Mr. Greencoat.. starts off being framed as wise but as soon as Koostan is introduced into the story, he flips flops. Appearing naïve and emotional one minute then thoughtful and unimpressed the next.
Is being wise more than just being smart? Is it also come a certain way of behaving?
That said, I don't think a reader below a certain age would catch this. One could argue that the interaction with Koostan and the flip flopping makes him seem more relatable to a younger reader, one who themselves aspires to be wise.
This is a good story and you have an excellent writing voice! I've learned from reading your story. Thank You
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is such a cute story. I enjoyed reading this and am looking forward to the next chapter so I can find out where you are going with this. It is a clever and creative story. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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This is such a cute story. I enjoyed reading this and am looking forward to the next chapter so I can find out where you are going with this. It is a clever and creative story. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating.
Comment from Commissioner Flanagan
The author presents a delightfully humorous story of magical propensities that would be proper for a cartoon. The author's talent in creativity and imagination is a rare acumen and a story that will fascinate youngsters.
The frog and the elf will entertain generations of kids with laughter
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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The author presents a delightfully humorous story of magical propensities that would be proper for a cartoon. The author's talent in creativity and imagination is a rare acumen and a story that will fascinate youngsters.
The frog and the elf will entertain generations of kids with laughter
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating. I have the rough draft finished on this book and I would love to see it as an animated movie. The story ends up teaching about things like prejudice, trust, friendship and bravery. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Comment from R. Marc Goodson
Excellent writing! In the beginning, I particularly liked your play with words: " I think it would be proper for me to begin telling the story right now, at the beginning, since the beginning is, after all, where it all began. And so, let us begin." Wish I'd written that at the outset of one of my stories:-) BTW, Maybe frogs do 'blush'...but what color would that be if they did?
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Excellent writing! In the beginning, I particularly liked your play with words: " I think it would be proper for me to begin telling the story right now, at the beginning, since the beginning is, after all, where it all began. And so, let us begin." Wish I'd written that at the outset of one of my stories:-) BTW, Maybe frogs do 'blush'...but what color would that be if they did?
Comment Written 03-May-2022
reply by the author on 03-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and generous rating.
