Morning Alarm
Sweet dreams... (true story flash 100 words)26 total reviews
Comment from Mama Baer
You did it once again! Fantastic! You had me going there...this wonderfully creative piece reminds me a little of the splendid one you posted sometime during lockdown about watching the lovers ignore all rules to meet up--those two dogs. :) I absolutely love your sense of humor, LisaMay!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
  |
You did it once again! Fantastic! You had me going there...this wonderfully creative piece reminds me a little of the splendid one you posted sometime during lockdown about watching the lovers ignore all rules to meet up--those two dogs. :) I absolutely love your sense of humor, LisaMay!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
I'm pleased you're on the same page with my humour... remembering those 2 dogs is rather flattering. You made my day with this high rating.
Comment from jessizero
LOL! This was a very amusing story! No, I didn't see the end coming with the twist that it was Lily! It was a good true story flash. Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
 |
LOL! This was a very amusing story! No, I didn't see the end coming with the twist that it was Lily! It was a good true story flash. Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thanks for your lovely review.
Comment from royowen
Hah hah, don't you just love it? Cats can get pretty freaked at the best of tomes, and hearing a cock crow could be scary.beautifully written Jenny, I can remember camping in the middle of nowhere, 80 kms north of Broken Hill, our dig freaked vat the sounds of the desert, beautifully written Jenny, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
Hah hah, don't you just love it? Cats can get pretty freaked at the best of tomes, and hearing a cock crow could be scary.beautifully written Jenny, I can remember camping in the middle of nowhere, 80 kms north of Broken Hill, our dig freaked vat the sounds of the desert, beautifully written Jenny, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thanks for reviewing. Lily flipped out - a rooster on the loose did her head in.
Your dog's a townie too... that location certainly is in the middle of nowhere.
Comment from juliaSjames
Since it's a true story and you've shared stories about your home life, I guessed your companion was a cat. But it's really great flash, starting off in sleepy contentment that changes to scrambled terror literally "in a flash"..
Poor Lily. I hope no human bodies were harmed in the production of this commercial for bird alarm wake up calls
Suggesting a couple of small edits for your consideration.
" came on and, in a panic, she erupted from under the bedcovers" - "came on. Her eyes flew open and she erupted from under the bedcovers"
"With fear in her eyes, she dashed out of the room." - " In a panic, she dashed out of the room."
Best of luck in the contest. Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
Since it's a true story and you've shared stories about your home life, I guessed your companion was a cat. But it's really great flash, starting off in sleepy contentment that changes to scrambled terror literally "in a flash"..
Poor Lily. I hope no human bodies were harmed in the production of this commercial for bird alarm wake up calls
Suggesting a couple of small edits for your consideration.
" came on and, in a panic, she erupted from under the bedcovers" - "came on. Her eyes flew open and she erupted from under the bedcovers"
"With fear in her eyes, she dashed out of the room." - " In a panic, she dashed out of the room."
Best of luck in the contest. Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Lily nearly shredded me in her mad dash to flee the monster rooster that was suddenly in bed with us.
As she was under the bedcovers, I couldn't see if her eyes flew open, but no doubt they did.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, she was probably frantically looking for it to bring it home for supper! What a laugh Lisa, your Lily is forever on the hunt, you made me smile here as you had me wondering where this was leading, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
Ha ha ha, she was probably frantically looking for it to bring it home for supper! What a laugh Lisa, your Lily is forever on the hunt, you made me smile here as you had me wondering where this was leading, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Lily was definitely wanting to get away from the rooster that suddenly appeared to be in bed with us.
Comment from Cecilia R
I like the subject area you chose for this one. I can imagine your cat cuddled up as they love to do. The first part sets the stage. I feel you could have elaborated more on the reaction in the last part. It seemed to drop off a little too quickly. To do this with the word count you would need to tighten up the first part a little.
Cecilia
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
I like the subject area you chose for this one. I can imagine your cat cuddled up as they love to do. The first part sets the stage. I feel you could have elaborated more on the reaction in the last part. It seemed to drop off a little too quickly. To do this with the word count you would need to tighten up the first part a little.
Cecilia
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thanks for your comments. I spent more time on setting the scene at the beginning to lull the reader into an imagined scenario, then the result was the impact.... short and sharp.
Comment from pome lover
Oh! funny. The best laid plans. Poor cat.
However you did have me wondering, there, at the beginning.
Come to think of it, a rooster's loud crowing would probably shoot me straight out of the bed, too. Or give me a heart attack. :)
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
Oh! funny. The best laid plans. Poor cat.
However you did have me wondering, there, at the beginning.
Come to think of it, a rooster's loud crowing would probably shoot me straight out of the bed, too. Or give me a heart attack. :)
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
The radio bird calls are usually native bird song, much less alarming than the boisterous cock crowing. It made me jump too.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I knew immediately that this had to be an animal that was snuggling with you, and I can tell you from experience that my cat jumps three feet off the bed and onto the floor on the rare occasions when I set my alarm. Cats like to wake up on their own terms:-)
Cute little flash story - put a smile on my face.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
I knew immediately that this had to be an animal that was snuggling with you, and I can tell you from experience that my cat jumps three feet off the bed and onto the floor on the rare occasions when I set my alarm. Cats like to wake up on their own terms:-)
Cute little flash story - put a smile on my face.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thanks for your response to my story. You know cats... anything not on their terms is either a shock or an inconvenience.
Comment from Marienkiefer
Hello,
I enjoyed this story.
-Clearly defined setting.
-Focus on just a couple of characters was a good idea.If radio-birdsong was also a character, that was also a nice idea.
-Story builds nicely with beginning, middle and end.
-Little surprise ending in the form of a sensual cat.
-In a hundred words.
Great work. A fun read. Very nice entry.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
Hello,
I enjoyed this story.
-Clearly defined setting.
-Focus on just a couple of characters was a good idea.If radio-birdsong was also a character, that was also a nice idea.
-Story builds nicely with beginning, middle and end.
-Little surprise ending in the form of a sensual cat.
-In a hundred words.
Great work. A fun read. Very nice entry.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thanks for your response to my story - your review is much appreciated.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Thank you for starting off my day with a smile. I like how you in your very unique and talented way are able to tell a story with a twist in the end. Here your bed companion was Lily and the sweet bird sound on your alarm clock was a rooster. Very clever.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
|
Thank you for starting off my day with a smile. I like how you in your very unique and talented way are able to tell a story with a twist in the end. Here your bed companion was Lily and the sweet bird sound on your alarm clock was a rooster. Very clever.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 25-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thanks for your response to my story - your review is much appreciated.
