Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 9 B"Can a broken heart be mended?
30 total reviews
Comment from amahra
Another fine chapter, Barbara. Just one thing below:
When that was done, I went to [the] hospital to spend time with Dad. [it's, to 'the' hospital unless you're speaking British English. I wasn't sure. But since you're from Texas I assume you meant 'the hospital.]
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Another fine chapter, Barbara. Just one thing below:
When that was done, I went to [the] hospital to spend time with Dad. [it's, to 'the' hospital unless you're speaking British English. I wasn't sure. But since you're from Texas I assume you meant 'the hospital.]
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the catch. I have a bad habit of leaving out those small words. When I edit, I read it as the word is there.
Comment from Judy Lawless
I had to chuckle at the ending of this, Barbara. Even Samson seems to want to prevent that kiss from happening too soon! I enjoyed reading this chapter. Barbara.
I have one suggestion. These two paragraphs together each have a sentence starting with "as". Perhaps replace one with "while" ?
"I'd like that." As they started outside, Alexandra paused. "Let me get my jacket."
As Cordero waited, Jorge came up to him. "That little filly's a keeper."
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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I had to chuckle at the ending of this, Barbara. Even Samson seems to want to prevent that kiss from happening too soon! I enjoyed reading this chapter. Barbara.
I have one suggestion. These two paragraphs together each have a sentence starting with "as". Perhaps replace one with "while" ?
"I'd like that." As they started outside, Alexandra paused. "Let me get my jacket."
As Cordero waited, Jorge came up to him. "That little filly's a keeper."
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Thank you for pointing it out. I have made the correction.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Anne Johnston
I enjoyed this chapter very much. Reading between the lines, I think Cord and his father came to some agreement. Ali seems to be falling more and more in love with the ranch, and it looks like she is getting to really trust Cord. I found the font you used for this a bit hard to read. I like Times New Roman the easiest to read on screen.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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I enjoyed this chapter very much. Reading between the lines, I think Cord and his father came to some agreement. Ali seems to be falling more and more in love with the ranch, and it looks like she is getting to really trust Cord. I found the font you used for this a bit hard to read. I like Times New Roman the easiest to read on screen.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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I will go back to TNR, right now. Thank you for pointing it out.
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You are welcome. Don't change it just because I said so, whatever you like is ok
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I already did. LOL
Comment from Shirley McLain
I saved a six for you. Another great chapter to read. I'm glad Cord and his dad got things worked out. You did a wonderful job as always. Enjoy your week. Shirley
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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I saved a six for you. Another great chapter to read. I'm glad Cord and his dad got things worked out. You did a wonderful job as always. Enjoy your week. Shirley
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from John Ciarmello
A great chapter, Barbera. Things are getting heated up between Cordero and Ali. I'm happy about that. You have developed all your characters well, and I enjoy greeting them with each new chapter. I pictured Cordero to look like this photo, now you have to find one for Ali, lol.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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A great chapter, Barbera. Things are getting heated up between Cordero and Ali. I'm happy about that. You have developed all your characters well, and I enjoy greeting them with each new chapter. I pictured Cordero to look like this photo, now you have to find one for Ali, lol.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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LOL I will be looking for an Ali. I like my readers to vision my characters in their own minds. What I think is attractive is not what other's do. LOL Thank you .
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, I was missing your post. But here your are.
So they are clearly attracted to each other, this is good.
I did find a few things:
Later that evening Cordero found Rosa and Alexandra sitting (in) the living room talking
Jim b(r)ought out Dolly.
As they led the horses into the stable, Jewel(')s head butted Cordero
He shook his head. "That(')s low."
After time passed, Cordero offered his hand.: I might have said: After a time, Cordero offered his hand.
Just a suggestion.
Now I'm looking forward to what's next. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Hi Barbara, I was missing your post. But here your are.
So they are clearly attracted to each other, this is good.
I did find a few things:
Later that evening Cordero found Rosa and Alexandra sitting (in) the living room talking
Jim b(r)ought out Dolly.
As they led the horses into the stable, Jewel(')s head butted Cordero
He shook his head. "That(')s low."
After time passed, Cordero offered his hand.: I might have said: After a time, Cordero offered his hand.
Just a suggestion.
Now I'm looking forward to what's next. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the kind review and I made some corrections. I didn't post on Easter, sorry.
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Not to worry, you were busy with family, I gather. A belated happy to Easter. Ulla:)))
Comment from Frank Malley
It's unfortunate that fs doesn't supply us with line numbers and the opportunity to do marginal suggestions. Sometimes it's a lot of work and typing to comment usefully. I hope you can see what I intend. Here goes, I think in order:
engulfed his arm - poor word choice
Jewel's head needs comma
That's " "
Delete: How could I ignore that
Change to Shorter: that I would be gone...
She demanded to come...
When I asked her to hurry,.....
replace "That had to be frustrating" > How frustrating!
Being a rancher was too working class
It doesn't seem to bother you.
Character first, job second.
She took a deep breath. "When I'm ready, I don' t want to make that same mistake."
Wow. It's cold. Lemme get you something warmer.
"No, please! Sit down!"
"You made me realize there are good men out there......
(Cordero) "Ditto for the gals"
She took his hand. / "Samson! Really!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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It's unfortunate that fs doesn't supply us with line numbers and the opportunity to do marginal suggestions. Sometimes it's a lot of work and typing to comment usefully. I hope you can see what I intend. Here goes, I think in order:
engulfed his arm - poor word choice
Jewel's head needs comma
That's " "
Delete: How could I ignore that
Change to Shorter: that I would be gone...
She demanded to come...
When I asked her to hurry,.....
replace "That had to be frustrating" > How frustrating!
Being a rancher was too working class
It doesn't seem to bother you.
Character first, job second.
She took a deep breath. "When I'm ready, I don' t want to make that same mistake."
Wow. It's cold. Lemme get you something warmer.
"No, please! Sit down!"
"You made me realize there are good men out there......
(Cordero) "Ditto for the gals"
She took his hand. / "Samson! Really!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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I have made the know/knew correction. This is chapter 9. The physical descriptions are already established. The reason for posting on FS is to get the corrections made from the reviews from friends. You gave me a four rating, but other than the noted know/knew I don't see any other helpful suggestions.
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I'm sorry to have stung you. Physical descriptions should be developed by details as stories progress. I often struggle with the choice between 4 and 5, and I know I feel stung when I get a 4.I'll reread Chpt. 9B
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I will gladly accept 4 stars, if there it evidence that is what I deserved, but I didn't feel I deserved it by what you wrote. There weren't enough examples. As for descriptions. I don't like reading chapters heavy with descriptions. I actually skip over reading them. So I purposely don't us a lot of them. I feel what I think is a beautiful lady or handsome man may be different from my readers. I trust they have their own image.
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I've sent you a longer set of suggestions and a 5. Be well. Frank
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Thank you. Now I see the mistakes and I gladly made the corrections. I can't learn if I don't see them. I appreciate the help.
Comment from robyn corum
Barb,
And that is a fine-looking young cowboy, if I do say so. Whew. Sister!
hahaha
Nice chapter. I like the way things are moving between these two. They are saying all the right things, but their bodies and eyes are saying entirely different ones. hahaha They TOUCH at every opportunity. Which is in complete contrast to every word they utter about not getting involved. But I won't tell them that. Shhhh...
A single note - oh, wait - two notes:
1.) Who know it was hereditary?"
--> knew
2.) I was taught/encouraged to put foreign speech into italics? Something to consider, maybe
Thanks!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Barb,
And that is a fine-looking young cowboy, if I do say so. Whew. Sister!
hahaha
Nice chapter. I like the way things are moving between these two. They are saying all the right things, but their bodies and eyes are saying entirely different ones. hahaha They TOUCH at every opportunity. Which is in complete contrast to every word they utter about not getting involved. But I won't tell them that. Shhhh...
A single note - oh, wait - two notes:
1.) Who know it was hereditary?"
--> knew
2.) I was taught/encouraged to put foreign speech into italics? Something to consider, maybe
Thanks!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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I changed the first edit as I posted and still got it wrong. LOL. I will research the second. I've not heard it, but you're probably right.
Comment from lancellot
A very well written chapter. Maybe too much talking from the guys, but I know you like that from your men.
Cordero and Alexandra met 13 days ago
- I may have mentioned this before, but I think reminding readers of the short time involved may hurt the plausibility of the romance.
As he opened the glass patio door, their eyes met, and lips moved closer. Just before they touched, Samson shoved his way between them.
Cordero shook his head. "Really?"
Alexandra smiled and went to her room.
- This happens to much, and it is really enough to stop someone?
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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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A very well written chapter. Maybe too much talking from the guys, but I know you like that from your men.
Cordero and Alexandra met 13 days ago
- I may have mentioned this before, but I think reminding readers of the short time involved may hurt the plausibility of the romance.
As he opened the glass patio door, their eyes met, and lips moved closer. Just before they touched, Samson shoved his way between them.
Cordero shook his head. "Really?"
Alexandra smiled and went to her room.
- This happens to much, and it is really enough to stop someone?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Romance novels like it to happen normally within thirty days, but mine normally take a little longer. I also put it there for the purpose of FS, it is not in my manuscript. The reason for FS, so people who think they need to jump into bed won't rush it. As for the kiss, yet, it needs to happen, to show they are more interested in each other than they really feel they should be. Thank you for the kind review. Cord will get teased about it from Jim, later.
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Okay, I just mean, the almost kisses happen often and teasing. If you think that is normal for that age of people, then cool.
Comment from nomi338
Cord and Ali are becoming my new favorites. I love the two of them together. I like the slow pace they are taking in becoming a romantic duo. There is no reason for them to rush into anything. Taking the time to really get to know each other is a fine way to build a lasting relationship, and to recover from unpleasant past relationships.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Cord and Ali are becoming my new favorites. I love the two of them together. I like the slow pace they are taking in becoming a romantic duo. There is no reason for them to rush into anything. Taking the time to really get to know each other is a fine way to build a lasting relationship, and to recover from unpleasant past relationships.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate it.
