Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 9A"Can a broken heart be mended?
25 total reviews
Comment from amahra
Nice chapter, Barbara. Just a suggestion below:
Cordero stood. "Dad, I'm not challenging your authority." When he heard the den door [slam,] he walked out the front door and [slammed] it.
The words 'slam' and 'slammed' are so close together. What about: "When he heard the bang of the den door, he walked out of the front door and slammed it." Or something of that nature.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Nice chapter, Barbara. Just a suggestion below:
Cordero stood. "Dad, I'm not challenging your authority." When he heard the den door [slam,] he walked out the front door and [slammed] it.
The words 'slam' and 'slammed' are so close together. What about: "When he heard the bang of the den door, he walked out of the front door and slammed it." Or something of that nature.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I'll think about what word to use. I don't like bang. I'll use the thesaurus and see what I can come up with, but you're right about the two being close together. Thank you.
Comment from judiverse
Beautiful wildflowers. Bendecido is a pretty name. Maybe a bit long for a horse's name. The ladies will be able to help take care of the foal and probably enjoy it. Alexandra seems to be getting used to the ranch life and starting to like it. Maybe it's partly because of Cord. There do seem to be dangers lurking out there, however. like the snakes. It's hard for someone like Jorge sit back and let others do the work. Cord is putting his foot down about Jorge going on the trip to move the cattle. Jorge isn't too happy about staying behind. I'll be interested to see how that works out. Great details about the ranch life. judi
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Beautiful wildflowers. Bendecido is a pretty name. Maybe a bit long for a horse's name. The ladies will be able to help take care of the foal and probably enjoy it. Alexandra seems to be getting used to the ranch life and starting to like it. Maybe it's partly because of Cord. There do seem to be dangers lurking out there, however. like the snakes. It's hard for someone like Jorge sit back and let others do the work. Cord is putting his foot down about Jorge going on the trip to move the cattle. Jorge isn't too happy about staying behind. I'll be interested to see how that works out. Great details about the ranch life. judi
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. This makes an interesting story. A thought on your football novel--I think readers would want to know how her cancer treatment went, so maybe an epilogue is in order. judi
Comment from Judy Lawless
I like the fact that you're teaching those who aren't familiar with ranching, a few things about it, while also building this love story, Barbara. It keeps it interesting.
A couple of minor spags: "Would you like to go for (a) ride? "
Who knows when (the) Jorge and Cord will return?"
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I like the fact that you're teaching those who aren't familiar with ranching, a few things about it, while also building this love story, Barbara. It keeps it interesting.
A couple of minor spags: "Would you like to go for (a) ride? "
Who knows when (the) Jorge and Cord will return?"
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Thank you for catching those. I have made the corrections. I changed both of those sentences as I posted and still didn't get them right. I think I have it now.
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You're most welcome, Barbara. I often find that happens while editing on the fly. :)
Comment from BethShelby
It seems like Rosa is very anxious to see Cord and Ali become romantically involved. Ali is very interested in Cord but she isn't read to commit herself. I enjoyed this episode of you story. I think it is neat that they know have a new cold and the Ali wants to have a part in taking care of it. The dialogue moves the story along nicely and sound very natural.
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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It seems like Rosa is very anxious to see Cord and Ali become romantically involved. Ali is very interested in Cord but she isn't read to commit herself. I enjoyed this episode of you story. I think it is neat that they know have a new cold and the Ali wants to have a part in taking care of it. The dialogue moves the story along nicely and sound very natural.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I think you'll discover much later that Rosa an Ali's mom had planned on Cord and Ali meeting. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed reading this chapter as it well written and creative. The adjectives used throughout help paint a clear picture and help the reader connect to your writing.
The dialogue reads naturally and flows smoothly.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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I enjoyed reading this chapter as it well written and creative. The adjectives used throughout help paint a clear picture and help the reader connect to your writing.
The dialogue reads naturally and flows smoothly.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.
