Charlie, You're a Rascal
the things I do for you!10 total reviews
Comment from Marienkiefer
Hello,
-A very heartwarming story.
-Excellent dialogue.
-Easy flow in story.
-Nice little surprise at the end.
-Pleasure to read.
-Movement and sound well woven into the story.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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Hello,
-A very heartwarming story.
-Excellent dialogue.
-Easy flow in story.
-Nice little surprise at the end.
-Pleasure to read.
-Movement and sound well woven into the story.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2022
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thank you, Marien. I've never seen the name spelled with an "e" before. Is it a family name? But to your comments - Many thanks!
They are very much appreciated.
Katharine
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
What a delightful and fun story to read! I loved the whole thing, but your ending was genius! Excellent choice of What to be stuck and the hassle to get it unstuck.
Thanks for the entertaining twenty minutes as you had my attention the entire time. Awesome job!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2022
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What a delightful and fun story to read! I loved the whole thing, but your ending was genius! Excellent choice of What to be stuck and the hassle to get it unstuck.
Thanks for the entertaining twenty minutes as you had my attention the entire time. Awesome job!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2022
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well, Debbie, you have truly made my day! What a fabulous review!
Thank you so very much. Now that I know about you, I'm off to read your work.
Talk to you soon. :)
Katharine
Comment from Annmuma
I think you meant 'poker' in this sentence: he tried to teach her polka,
I loved the story and enjoyed reading. sounds so true and folksy and I could identify with the characters. Well done. ann
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2022
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I think you meant 'poker' in this sentence: he tried to teach her polka,
I loved the story and enjoyed reading. sounds so true and folksy and I could identify with the characters. Well done. ann
Comment Written 09-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2022
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oh! you know, there was a time when I could spell. Gone, like so many other things. sigh.
thanks for the catch. Wonder if anybody else noticed? :)
Katharine
Comment from jessizero
I think it was perfect. You couldn't tell the pieces you put in to pad the word count. It was funny and sweet, and I loved it. Thanks for sharing this here, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2022
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I think it was perfect. You couldn't tell the pieces you put in to pad the word count. It was funny and sweet, and I loved it. Thanks for sharing this here, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2022
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well, you've made my day! Thank you ma'am.
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Katharine,
This was a long story, as was required, but I thought you did a grand job with it. It was humorous and held my attention throughout. I was wondering what kind of bird was going to be in the trap. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2022
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Hello Katharine,
This was a long story, as was required, but I thought you did a grand job with it. It was humorous and held my attention throughout. I was wondering what kind of bird was going to be in the trap. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 07-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2022
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Tom, thank you. what happened was I didn't read the part that said it had to be 2000 words, and I wrote a short, and I thought, funny story and posted it. Then this gal reviewed it and told me I hadn't complied, that it had to be 2000 words, so at 1:00 o'clock last night I was trying to write something - that turned out to be filler, and reads like filler - totally ruined my story, and today I just didn't have time or feel like trying and fix it.
I appreciate your kind words, you make me feel better, but I'm disappointed in the story. It took 10.5 points to post it and mine, now is for naught.
Comment from LisaMay
You might feel aggrieved at only getting a four star rating for this, but it's because you haven't followed the requirements of the contest, which was to write a humorous story with a minimum of 2000 words. It has been stated twice on the instructions. Maybe you were getting it mixed up with the dialogue-only contest? I will amend the rating if you can somehow extend this to the word length, because it is indeed a funny story, well-written. I enjoyed the sassy dialogue between the pair.
Review amended to 5-star. Although the story does feel 'padded out' to fit the 2,000 word requirement it is well written and the bathtub reminiscences break the livelier dialogue to provide the story's beginning, middle, and ending.
Corrections:
"You'll see. Come on. I, need your help." (remove comma after I)
In the following, you need speech marks for when Mona is talking, then a line space before Charlie is talking:
Yeah, well, I might just have you stuffed and hang you on the wall, you old coot! I'm goin' back in the house and take a nice, long, hot, get-rid-of-the-vulture-smell bath and afterwards, I think I'll jes sit myself down and look in that new appliance magazine for a new stove.
"Aw, shoot, Mona, what'cha need a new stove for?"
Everything in it is useful, but old�¢?"especially the stove. (correct the odd symbols to a dash)
One icey (icy) winter, Mona slipped and broke her right arm.
So, he tried to teach her polka, (Maybe you mean poker, the card game?)
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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You might feel aggrieved at only getting a four star rating for this, but it's because you haven't followed the requirements of the contest, which was to write a humorous story with a minimum of 2000 words. It has been stated twice on the instructions. Maybe you were getting it mixed up with the dialogue-only contest? I will amend the rating if you can somehow extend this to the word length, because it is indeed a funny story, well-written. I enjoyed the sassy dialogue between the pair.
Review amended to 5-star. Although the story does feel 'padded out' to fit the 2,000 word requirement it is well written and the bathtub reminiscences break the livelier dialogue to provide the story's beginning, middle, and ending.
Corrections:
"You'll see. Come on. I, need your help." (remove comma after I)
In the following, you need speech marks for when Mona is talking, then a line space before Charlie is talking:
Yeah, well, I might just have you stuffed and hang you on the wall, you old coot! I'm goin' back in the house and take a nice, long, hot, get-rid-of-the-vulture-smell bath and afterwards, I think I'll jes sit myself down and look in that new appliance magazine for a new stove.
"Aw, shoot, Mona, what'cha need a new stove for?"
Everything in it is useful, but old�¢?"especially the stove. (correct the odd symbols to a dash)
One icey (icy) winter, Mona slipped and broke her right arm.
So, he tried to teach her polka, (Maybe you mean poker, the card game?)
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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Oh, lawsy, I missed that little tidbit. thank you. I better hurry.
thanks
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Thanks for the review vote! Good luck with extending your story. (Personally, I think asking for 2,000 words is far too much for a humorous story. To carry the humour through will lose impact and could need too much unnecessary padding. I think other entrants are having trouble too.)
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and that's exactly what happened. It's 1:30 at night and I just finished padding. Ruined the whole blasted story.
Comment from judiverse
This is so funny. Great job with the dialogue. It really conveys the characters. I don't envy Mona the job, but she was able to hang on to that vulture while Charlie tried to free it from the trap, and success at last. The bird is free. I hope she gets that new stove for keeping her part of the bargain. Best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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This is so funny. Great job with the dialogue. It really conveys the characters. I don't envy Mona the job, but she was able to hang on to that vulture while Charlie tried to free it from the trap, and success at last. The bird is free. I hope she gets that new stove for keeping her part of the bargain. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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thanks, Judi, and especially for the lovely 6! It and your very nice comments are very much appreciated.
Katharine
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You're welcome. Very deserving. This story was so funny. judi
Comment from Teri7
This is a very cute and very well written story you have penned for the Use This Sentence contest. You used very good dialogue, very good descriptive words and a very good picture that went well with the story. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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This is a very cute and very well written story you have penned for the Use This Sentence contest. You used very good dialogue, very good descriptive words and a very good picture that went well with the story. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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thanks, Teri!
fingers crossed!
Katharine
Comment from L J Temple
Nice little story. Turkey buzzard, he he, have not seen them since I left S. Ca.
Nice ending very sarcastic humor. Loved it.
Very visual though some what rushed.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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Nice little story. Turkey buzzard, he he, have not seen them since I left S. Ca.
Nice ending very sarcastic humor. Loved it.
Very visual though some what rushed.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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hmmm, rushed. will have to think on that.
Thanks for your comments.
Katharine
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a good story which I, at first was a dialogue only, but now I see it is a start with this story. Your wife certainly earned that new stove. Vultures are smelly and nasty. Good luck in the contest. I like your stories. I hope you don't mind if I fan you.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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This is a good story which I, at first was a dialogue only, but now I see it is a start with this story. Your wife certainly earned that new stove. Vultures are smelly and nasty. Good luck in the contest. I like your stories. I hope you don't mind if I fan you.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2022
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Carol, what better honor could you give me? I am flattered and pleased.
Thank you!
and you can bet I would never "hug" a vulture!
