Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

You've got your 'P' line, your 'S' line and your 'W' line - and the elephants have a spa day for free while humans would pay hundreds for the same treatment. Cute little poem - nicely done:-)

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Pam,

Thanks for your review. Along with my FS collaborator, we had fun sprinkling those alliterations throughout our post.

I would not pay for a mud face massage, but my wife has had that spa treatment a few times in her life LOL

Mark

Comment from karenina

Excellent

Hey Mark!

Thanks for inviting me to the 5-7-5 party. It was a wonderful back and forth with you and I enjoyed every "nip and tuck" as we passed it back and forth.

Everyone reviewing knows you are a Haiku/5-7-5 poet of the highest degree, and I rarely try my hand...

So, here's the deal: I want to give YOU a six (for I know well the lines would not have come together without your skill) -- and I want to give ME a four -- maybe a 4 1/2, for trying to hold my own...

Hence, in the spirit of fairness, and so no one will say I'm fanning my own flames, I'll settle on a five.

I agree with you, by the way, it would be lovely if this site had a way for co-authored works to be highlighted as such. Not sure how Tom could fine-tune that, but I know it's been a great experience working together! Maybe a contest strictly for coauthors? A thought...

Kudos to Judy, the artist who inspired this work, with her amazing watercolor! I'm so glad you've provided a link to her site.

Thanks again, Mark. I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

Karenina

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Oh great Karenina!

It is a lovely poetic collaboration we formed. We will do it again for sure.

Don?t minimize your contribution to this effort. Without you in the process, the poem would not be a success! Let?s see how other FS reviewers will respond to the post.

Mark

reply by karenina on 11-Apr-2022

To read the comments...
What a kick!

Smile~ Karenina

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

K

Yep, it is! Let?s see how long this ride will be.

M

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Mark,

Oooh... Nice! I can see this now. And I imagine the hippos, elephants, and other animals do appreciate those chilly mud baths. Your words are clever, to-the-point, and made me smile. I don't know what part Karenina had to do with this but I know she makes everything a little brighter and more fun. *smile* Thanks!

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Robyn,

Karenina and I had a great time in jointly writing this poem. I had suggested to her we could collaborate on writing it. But the illustration was our jumping off point. We had lots of back and forth messages in twiddling with the final product. Next time, she will post under her name. Normally, I create my poem, then find the artwork. For this collaborative one, it was the reverse.

Mark

P.S. The watercolor painter is the spouse of my wife?s friend. Their friendship has been on hiatus for almost 50 years! As a student, my wife spent a few days during the Christmastime break in his family home. Check out the artist?s website for other examples of her animal scenes.

reply by robyn corum on 11-Apr-2022

Yeah, I liked the image a lot. The style is really unique. Thanks!

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Cute idea of why they love the mud soaks. Good picture as well. You have done well with this three-line poem. Best of luck with the 3-line poetry contest and have a lovely Easter.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Thanks Carol. It was a great collaboration with a fellow FanStorian and an artist. We plan to do again.

Hope you find the golden Easter egg! Of course, if you do not look for it, you will never find it. LOL

Mark

Comment from jessizero

Excellent

You don't hear a lot of "pachyderm" these days. I don't know why. It's a perfectly good word. I like your poem. It brings a joyous image to mind. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

You are welcome! Normally, I start with the poem and then find the artwork. In this collaboration, it was the reverse. I am totally stoked with the end result. Pachyderm may be a more challenging word to spell. LOL

Mark

Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

Sounds like my kind of spa day. Mud is so cleansing and rejuvenating. A fun offering for today.

Sending you my best as always, and my very best for the upcoming contest,
Sal :))

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Thanks Sal!

I have played in the mud, but never did a (mud) cleansing of my face. Likely, my shoes and clothes needed a cleanup.

Thanks for yiur support for this post.

Mark

Comment from RodG

Excellent

I like the humorous tone of your haiku, Mark. You are obviously having fun writing this as shown in (1) your characterization of the elephant as "plodding" and "wallowing," and (2) hour heavy-handed use of alliteration. You had me chuckling, my friend.
Rod

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Rod,

I discovered the watercolor artist just recently. She is the spouse of a friend of my wife. The two friends connected recently after an almost 50 year hiatus. I collaborated with Karenina after we saw the painting. Usually, for me, the poem comes first, then I try to pair it with appropriate artwork. I was very pleased with the total collaboration. Glad you liked the effort too.

Mark

reply by RodG on 11-Apr-2022

Interesting how our writing process differs. For me the picture almost always comes first and inspires the poem. So nice you could collaborate. Rod

reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

Rod,

Then you use ekphrastic-like or Haiga poems (-:

It was a great collaboration. FS should allow for joint posts. Reviews for all collaborators, but contest monies split accordingly among poets.

Mark

Comment from prettybluebirds

Excellent

I do love the artwork you attached to y our writing. It couldn't be any more perfect. The poem is well done and to the point. I enjoyed reading this simple poem. Best of luck in the contest.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2022

So pleased with your comment about the watercolor artist. i shared the same with her. Visit her website as appropriate to your artistic interests.

Thanks for your review and good wishes.

Mark