Wrung Red
Double edge30 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
And that says it all. Such senseless killing ordered by a man with no sense of shame. Such a sad story, and how many of such stories are there? Tens of thousands. This is a billiantly written story for this contest, it has that human element that makes it so tragic. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
  |
And that says it all. Such senseless killing ordered by a man with no sense of shame. Such a sad story, and how many of such stories are there? Tens of thousands. This is a billiantly written story for this contest, it has that human element that makes it so tragic. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
-
Thank you, Sandra. Always appreciated.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have an interesting story here with an O. Henry type ending. Always a good ending. You need to combine sentences into paragraphs when they are about the same thing, like when the wounded man tells her about his family and asks about her family. . . . from his be(d)side . . . Cluster bombs exploded far enough away they didn't shake the building, but near enough . . . Best of luck with this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
 |
You have an interesting story here with an O. Henry type ending. Always a good ending. You need to combine sentences into paragraphs when they are about the same thing, like when the wounded man tells her about his family and asks about her family. . . . from his be(d)side . . . Cluster bombs exploded far enough away they didn't shake the building, but near enough . . . Best of luck with this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
-
Thank you, Carol. Your reviews are always helpful. I will go in and make those changes as I am still trying to become accustomed to the formats here. I'll catch on eventually, lol. Thanks again.
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a tragically sad story to read. You did a great job, and I didn't see any errors. This war is so bad, and all I can do is pray. Please enjoy your evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
|
What a tragically sad story to read. You did a great job, and I didn't see any errors. This war is so bad, and all I can do is pray. Please enjoy your evening. Shirley
Comment Written 15-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
-
Thank you for your review, Shirley. Yes, unfortunately, pray; is all we can do.
Comment from in777wr#
This is a very touching story. I mean it is very captivating. The very last sentence made me thought WOW! This story was off the chain good. Writing this review I am still thinking about what I have just read. I wonder have this really happened in Ukraine. Wonderful job.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
 |
This is a very touching story. I mean it is very captivating. The very last sentence made me thought WOW! This story was off the chain good. Writing this review I am still thinking about what I have just read. I wonder have this really happened in Ukraine. Wonderful job.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
-
Thank you so much for your six stars and wonderful review.
-
You are very much welcome.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very well done, well written.
You made your characters real.
There was nothing you could do about the predictability issue, but still, you wrote well enough to keep people reading. Good work.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
|
Very well done, well written.
You made your characters real.
There was nothing you could do about the predictability issue, but still, you wrote well enough to keep people reading. Good work.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
-
Thank you for your review, Wayne.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed reading your short story. You did a nice job with the prompt. The artwork you chose works well here. The topic of Putin immediately conjures up strong feelings. All we can do is pray for the survivors.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
|
I enjoyed reading your short story. You did a nice job with the prompt. The artwork you chose works well here. The topic of Putin immediately conjures up strong feelings. All we can do is pray for the survivors.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2022
-
Thank you
Comment from lancellot
This is fine writing. You need add spacing. I don't get the switching to English, not needed.
notes:
"What's your name?" {He} asked her in Ukrainian.
-he
The only requirement is to make at least one reference to "special {optional adjective} operation{s}"
- you didn't do this (very important)
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
|
This is fine writing. You need add spacing. I don't get the switching to English, not needed.
notes:
"What's your name?" {He} asked her in Ukrainian.
-he
The only requirement is to make at least one reference to "special {optional adjective} operation{s}"
- you didn't do this (very important)
Comment Written 14-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
-
Hi lancellot, Thank you for the feedback. I did you the word operations in the cluster bomb reference. I'll go in and recheck that.
Comment from prettybluebirds
What a sad ending to a tragic story. Put a little more space between the paragraphs and it will make the story easier to read. That stupid war is the cause of so much pain and suffering on both sides. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
|
What a sad ending to a tragic story. Put a little more space between the paragraphs and it will make the story easier to read. That stupid war is the cause of so much pain and suffering on both sides. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
-
Thank you for your review. I will make that change
Comment from jessizero
This was a sad and beautiful story. It is all too real now. Thank you for choosing to share this story here. I am sure you will do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
|
This was a sad and beautiful story. It is all too real now. Thank you for choosing to share this story here. I am sure you will do well in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
-
Thank you, for your review.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A nice story. By the middle I had figured out the end. The pace is good. The language is plain, but forceful. You built up some concern for your characters. The images were clear and crisp.
Here is where you give away the plot:
She froze in place for a few seconds unsure as to why he chose to speak, her Ukrainian.
It would hold the suspense longer if you just said "speak to her in Ukrainian." That would hold the possibility of her being a foreign aid person.
His coughed-up blood folded over his lip and onto his chin
I question the verb folded. It might read better as flowed or flooded.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
|
A nice story. By the middle I had figured out the end. The pace is good. The language is plain, but forceful. You built up some concern for your characters. The images were clear and crisp.
Here is where you give away the plot:
She froze in place for a few seconds unsure as to why he chose to speak, her Ukrainian.
It would hold the suspense longer if you just said "speak to her in Ukrainian." That would hold the possibility of her being a foreign aid person.
His coughed-up blood folded over his lip and onto his chin
I question the verb folded. It might read better as flowed or flooded.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2022
-
Thank you for your feedback. Yes, I had it the way you critiqued it and changed it. Thanks, that's helpful feedback and I will change it back.
-
You are welcome. Glad you found it helpful.
