Wrung Red
Double edge30 total reviews
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Perfect entry for the Putin's Special Operation contest with best of wishes in the contest my friend! The storyline is captivating and held my attention throughout the piece;-)
Thank you for sharing this piece with us and many blessings to you and your family!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Perfect entry for the Putin's Special Operation contest with best of wishes in the contest my friend! The storyline is captivating and held my attention throughout the piece;-)
Thank you for sharing this piece with us and many blessings to you and your family!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Terry Broxson
You have a well-written poignant story about the war in Ukraine. I certainly see the irony in the story, but I thought the contest was about satire. So, I am not sure how the contest committee will view it. But, regardless, good luck in the contest, and good job writing. Terry.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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You have a well-written poignant story about the war in Ukraine. I certainly see the irony in the story, but I thought the contest was about satire. So, I am not sure how the contest committee will view it. But, regardless, good luck in the contest, and good job writing. Terry.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your review, Terry. I believe it is Satire, prose or poetry. I will go back in and check that.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
War is hell. having been in several bomb blasts myself, I can attest to this - as a civilian.
What language were they speaking before the man switched to Ukrainian? (this happens at the third piece of dialogue)
wrapping his forehead wound with bandage.- either with a bandage or bandages.
"How will it help you to know my name."- this should have a question mark.
You don't need to put every bit of dialogue on a separate line. if one character has action or perspective, you can ue their dialogue straight afterwards. Only change to a fresh line for a new character's actions / dialogue.
His voice achy and monotoned.- just monotone.
wrung the red from the tattered cloth into the fresh basin of water.- this is repetitive from the opening.
Cluster bomb (operations) exploded in the distance. - cluster bombs. (not sure why this is followed by operations in brackets other than to shoehorn in the required word. Doesn't make sense in this context)
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Hi there,
War is hell. having been in several bomb blasts myself, I can attest to this - as a civilian.
What language were they speaking before the man switched to Ukrainian? (this happens at the third piece of dialogue)
wrapping his forehead wound with bandage.- either with a bandage or bandages.
"How will it help you to know my name."- this should have a question mark.
You don't need to put every bit of dialogue on a separate line. if one character has action or perspective, you can ue their dialogue straight afterwards. Only change to a fresh line for a new character's actions / dialogue.
His voice achy and monotoned.- just monotone.
wrung the red from the tattered cloth into the fresh basin of water.- this is repetitive from the opening.
Cluster bomb (operations) exploded in the distance. - cluster bombs. (not sure why this is followed by operations in brackets other than to shoehorn in the required word. Doesn't make sense in this context)
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 17-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Thank you, my friend, always helpful.
Comment from Wendy G
A timely piece of writing, and unfortunately only too relevant. You have shown that we share a common humanity, a common love for family, and that suffering is happening on both sides. Leaders make decisions but others die for them. Very well written, very moving and vivid. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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A timely piece of writing, and unfortunately only too relevant. You have shown that we share a common humanity, a common love for family, and that suffering is happening on both sides. Leaders make decisions but others die for them. Very well written, very moving and vivid. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Wendy for the kind review and six stars.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a very touching and sensitive story demonstrating the compassion of a woman who is expected to be the enemy. It is also a story that depicts the senseless fear and death of young men forced by the Russian military to execute orders they do not understand. This story has a great narrative with authentic, believable dialogue. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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This is a very touching and sensitive story demonstrating the compassion of a woman who is expected to be the enemy. It is also a story that depicts the senseless fear and death of young men forced by the Russian military to execute orders they do not understand. This story has a great narrative with authentic, believable dialogue. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Bridge
A heartbreaking story. The scenes that are shown on T V regarding the war in Ukraine are absolutely heartbreaking. You have captured the scene very well. I especially like the end
With regards
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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A heartbreaking story. The scenes that are shown on T V regarding the war in Ukraine are absolutely heartbreaking. You have captured the scene very well. I especially like the end
With regards
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much, Bridge, for your review and kind words.
Comment from Spitfire
What a brilliant writer you are. The best I've seen on FS. And what a moving story with minute details about the reactions of the young, wounded soldier and the woman who tries to ease his pain as he dies. So much to live for-- a new baby. Would you believe I am crying while I write this. "desensitized''--I guess that's what war would do to you after awhile. Her last words to him brought together the commonalities.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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What a brilliant writer you are. The best I've seen on FS. And what a moving story with minute details about the reactions of the young, wounded soldier and the woman who tries to ease his pain as he dies. So much to live for-- a new baby. Would you believe I am crying while I write this. "desensitized''--I guess that's what war would do to you after awhile. Her last words to him brought together the commonalities.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much, Spitfire. I appreciate your kind words and the six stars you have given me. All is much appreciated.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a tragic and terrible story - of warmth and humanity in the midst of chaos and disaster. This was EXTREMELY well-written and wonderfully presented. I wish I had a six for you. (So sorry!)
It's amazing that some people can step up, no matter the circumstance. It's part of what makes humans palatable. hahaha The fact that a few can make ALL of us look pretty good, right? If only we really could live up to this kind of standard - what a world this might be!
Some notes:
1.) as though children had (lit) a string of firecrackers a few blocks away.
2.) The sights, or sites of the smoldering bombardment of structures and streets paralyzed her for a moment.
--> The sight and sites of smoldering, bombarding structures and streets paralyzed her for a moment.
--> The sight of smoldering structures and streets, reduced to rubble after bombardments, paralyzed her for a moment.
Thanks so much -- good luck! (So far, this is the best entry I've read for this competition.)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Dear Mystery Writer,
What a tragic and terrible story - of warmth and humanity in the midst of chaos and disaster. This was EXTREMELY well-written and wonderfully presented. I wish I had a six for you. (So sorry!)
It's amazing that some people can step up, no matter the circumstance. It's part of what makes humans palatable. hahaha The fact that a few can make ALL of us look pretty good, right? If only we really could live up to this kind of standard - what a world this might be!
Some notes:
1.) as though children had (lit) a string of firecrackers a few blocks away.
2.) The sights, or sites of the smoldering bombardment of structures and streets paralyzed her for a moment.
--> The sight and sites of smoldering, bombarding structures and streets paralyzed her for a moment.
--> The sight of smoldering structures and streets, reduced to rubble after bombardments, paralyzed her for a moment.
Thanks so much -- good luck! (So far, this is the best entry I've read for this competition.)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much, Robyn, for the fresh eyes and the sentence restructuring comments. I will make those changes. And thank you for the support with the contest.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It was heart wrenching. War is so evil. I don't understand why humans do that to each other. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It was heart wrenching. War is so evil. I don't understand why humans do that to each other. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Barbara, for the wonderful review. I don't understand ither.
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Left me with a tear in my eye, as has this whole stupid conflict. You should send this to Putin and see if he has a heart. Evokes the stupidity of war in just a few words. That's talent, well done.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Left me with a tear in my eye, as has this whole stupid conflict. You should send this to Putin and see if he has a heart. Evokes the stupidity of war in just a few words. That's talent, well done.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Malcolm. I appreciate the six stars and the wonderful review. I doubt it would even phase that maggot! Thanks again.
