A Day to Remember
A Memoir3 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this contest entry. On Fanstory, you need to physically put in the paragraph indents by using a space. It's easier to read.
Dad turned and smiled, "Do you remember Bluebird, that record braking jet boat on the TV news?" he looked at us; I nodded. (TRY - Dad turned and smiled. "Do you remember Bluebird, that record braking jet boat on the TV news?" He looked at us; I nodded. - you're writing dialogue)
"Well, it's in that shed, and we're going to look at it. (needs ending quoation marks)
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2022
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I enjoyed reading this contest entry. On Fanstory, you need to physically put in the paragraph indents by using a space. It's easier to read.
Dad turned and smiled, "Do you remember Bluebird, that record braking jet boat on the TV news?" he looked at us; I nodded. (TRY - Dad turned and smiled. "Do you remember Bluebird, that record braking jet boat on the TV news?" He looked at us; I nodded. - you're writing dialogue)
"Well, it's in that shed, and we're going to look at it. (needs ending quoation marks)
Comment Written 10-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2022
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I agree entirely, and shall try to remember to do this when switching from novel writing to internet writing. Thank you Barbara. Mel.
Comment from BethShelby
This is an excellently written story and you did great job of capturing the excitement you felt as you waited for the trip to the lake to began. It sounds like a one day trip because you don't mention spending a night somewhere, but you mention twice seeing the boat on a Sunday and yet it seems the trip started on Saturday. "Saturday arrived; we were all up and had breakfast"
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2022
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This is an excellently written story and you did great job of capturing the excitement you felt as you waited for the trip to the lake to began. It sounds like a one day trip because you don't mention spending a night somewhere, but you mention twice seeing the boat on a Sunday and yet it seems the trip started on Saturday. "Saturday arrived; we were all up and had breakfast"
Comment Written 10-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2022
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Hi Beth, thank you for spotting the errors. I've fixed them. And thanks for reading. ~Mel~
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This is a great story. One filled with great memories. It seemed like a great time traveling with your parents. One's traveling along without chaos. I do not have many great memoires riding along on vacation rides. And you have great memories to carry on. Thank you.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2022
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This is a great story. One filled with great memories. It seemed like a great time traveling with your parents. One's traveling along without chaos. I do not have many great memoires riding along on vacation rides. And you have great memories to carry on. Thank you.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2022
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Thank you Carolyn, for reading my work, most appreciated. ~Mel~
