I Learned from Charlie
Charlie was a School Classmate34 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really good story about learning there is more to people than we guessed. There is always more to all of us and you have a good way in your story of teaching that and making people think.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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This is a really good story about learning there is more to people than we guessed. There is always more to all of us and you have a good way in your story of teaching that and making people think.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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thanks for your time in reading and commenting.
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This was a great story. Sometimes we do not know things about a person until reading their obituary. And it is sad. You have a well written story, I hope you win the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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This was a great story. Sometimes we do not know things about a person until reading their obituary. And it is sad. You have a well written story, I hope you win the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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I hope I do too! lol. Thanks so much for your time and your good wishes in the contest.
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Thank you, and you are welcome.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your contest entry. I feel I know Charlie a bit from your interesting recollections. So sad he's gone, but he did make a lasting impression on you and many others. The picture is perfect. I would delete your real name from the story as this is a blind contest.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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You did a great job with your contest entry. I feel I know Charlie a bit from your interesting recollections. So sad he's gone, but he did make a lasting impression on you and many others. The picture is perfect. I would delete your real name from the story as this is a blind contest.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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Oops! That did not even occur to me. I have used that name in so many years, I forget that I use it here in my bio stories. I apologize.
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😊
Comment from juliaSjames
Well composed story with a moral as a bonus.. Charlie was a man of many parts and you were only privy to a few of them.. Thought provoking write.
Good luck in this fun prompt.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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Well composed story with a moral as a bonus.. Charlie was a man of many parts and you were only privy to a few of them.. Thought provoking write.
Good luck in this fun prompt.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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thanks so much for reading and for commenting.
Comment from Aubree Lorraine
It's a good story. There's nothing that particularly stands out, but there doesn't have to be. The story holds its own.
The only thing I would say is watch your grammar and punctuation. You misspelled theorems, using a "u" instead of the second "e" in one spot. Also, when your pluralizing a word, you don't need the apostrophe "theorem's" would just be "theorems". The apostrophe generally denotes possession in cases like that.
Some of your sentences are awkward, at least in my opinion. This one in particular : "Many times, while Mr. Smith stood facing the blackboard and carefully explaining the latest, what seemed to me to be, totally useless pathway to the ultimate answer to some geometric puzzle, I leaned toward Charlie."
Overall, you did well though. Sorry if I seem like I'm picking. I recently had a reviewer respond to one of my stories with detailed information like this, and I greatly appreciated it. I hope you do too. If not, my apologies.
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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It's a good story. There's nothing that particularly stands out, but there doesn't have to be. The story holds its own.
The only thing I would say is watch your grammar and punctuation. You misspelled theorems, using a "u" instead of the second "e" in one spot. Also, when your pluralizing a word, you don't need the apostrophe "theorem's" would just be "theorems". The apostrophe generally denotes possession in cases like that.
Some of your sentences are awkward, at least in my opinion. This one in particular : "Many times, while Mr. Smith stood facing the blackboard and carefully explaining the latest, what seemed to me to be, totally useless pathway to the ultimate answer to some geometric puzzle, I leaned toward Charlie."
Overall, you did well though. Sorry if I seem like I'm picking. I recently had a reviewer respond to one of my stories with detailed information like this, and I greatly appreciated it. I hope you do too. If not, my apologies.
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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I always appreciate constructive criticism and I thank you for your efforts. I am not certain you are correct about the Theorem's spelling and usage, but will verify. If correct i will change it. Again thank you for reading and commenting.
your comments about theorem usage is correct. Actually the apostrophe s was typo. At any rate all those edits were made.
I did not change my sentence you considered awkward because, part of the the reason for that sentence, was to share with my reader a bit of the 'lost' feeling I had in most Geometry classes. again, thanks for your help.
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If I'm not correct, please let me know! I don't want to give incorrect advice!
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You are correct on the theorems and all of the suggestions your made there have been implemented. Thank you..
I did not change the rather convoluted sentence surrounding Mr. Smith's teaching. My point there is have my reader experience a little of the 'lost' feeling I experienced in most of his classes. Thanks again.
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No problem, good luck again!
Comment from Wendy G
This is a fascinating true story, and I like the conclusion, because that is a reminder for all of us in all facets of our thinking. We see just part of a person, and none truly knows another. Very well written and iy maintained the interest. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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This is a fascinating true story, and I like the conclusion, because that is a reminder for all of us in all facets of our thinking. We see just part of a person, and none truly knows another. Very well written and iy maintained the interest. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much, Wendy. It is interesting that you were reading/reviewing my work at the same time I was reading/reviewing yours!! Great minds and all that stuff. lol ann
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Surprising what we did not know of classmates back in the day. I do know Charlie is an exception. Most of the ones the student body knew did less than expected whereas the silent one grew exponentially,
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Surprising what we did not know of classmates back in the day. I do know Charlie is an exception. Most of the ones the student body knew did less than expected whereas the silent one grew exponentially,
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for reading and for commenting. I appreciate your time.
Comment from Terry Broxson
A very nice story for the contest, good luck. He does sound like one of the good guys and your memory of him and the way you write about it brings him to life for the reader. Excellent Job!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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A very nice story for the contest, good luck. He does sound like one of the good guys and your memory of him and the way you write about it brings him to life for the reader. Excellent Job!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much! I appreciate.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good work.
"the theorem's associated with Geometry and explained by our instructor, Mr. Smith." - This sentence fragment is awkward and difficult to understand.
You make Charlie sound like a cool guy. Good job.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Well written. Good work.
"the theorem's associated with Geometry and explained by our instructor, Mr. Smith." - This sentence fragment is awkward and difficult to understand.
You make Charlie sound like a cool guy. Good job.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Let me work on that sentence -- Geometry was always awkward and difficult for me to understand --- now, maybe I can't even write about logically! lol thanks for your review. ann
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My wife laughed in empathy. lol
Comment from RodG
Your story of the Charlies you knew and didn't know was very informative. I especially like how you phrase your message, that we can "put people into small frames of our choice and believe they live there--and only there--forever." Rod
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Your story of the Charlies you knew and didn't know was very informative. I especially like how you phrase your message, that we can "put people into small frames of our choice and believe they live there--and only there--forever." Rod
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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thanks so much for reading and commenting.
