Falling Rocks
A rural postman encounters an earthquake10 total reviews
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Earthquakes happen on the regular here in California. So, I definitely understand. Nevertheless, you did a great job. Keep Writing. And don't forget to stop by to talk. Stay Connected
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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Earthquakes happen on the regular here in California. So, I definitely understand. Nevertheless, you did a great job. Keep Writing. And don't forget to stop by to talk. Stay Connected
Comment Written 25-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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Thank you for sharing and praising my story.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Earthquake contest. You met the contest rules.
It was a heartfelt and engaging story...i want to know more!
My grandmother was in an earthquake in Cadiz, Spain. She was under gravel holding a wall for hours until she was rescued.
"Pueblo Blanco is ( a ) *in
ruins in the San Juan mountains of New Mexico,"
Good luck in the contest!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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Excellent entry for the Earthquake contest. You met the contest rules.
It was a heartfelt and engaging story...i want to know more!
My grandmother was in an earthquake in Cadiz, Spain. She was under gravel holding a wall for hours until she was rescued.
"Pueblo Blanco is ( a ) *in
ruins in the San Juan mountains of New Mexico,"
Good luck in the contest!
Gypsy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2022
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Hi,Gypsy, I am delighted you found my story heartfelt and engaging, and that you want to know more. Many thanks for sharing.
Comment from Wendy G
Your story is extremely well written, and very descriptive. It maintained my interest throughout - and yes, I want to know the rest! Your excellent and dramatic writing makes this a fine entry for the contest, and I send best wishes for your success.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Your story is extremely well written, and very descriptive. It maintained my interest throughout - and yes, I want to know the rest! Your excellent and dramatic writing makes this a fine entry for the contest, and I send best wishes for your success.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Wendy, I am delighted I kept your interest throughout the story and that you found the scenes descriptive. Many thanks for sharing.
Comment from Shirley McLain
That is a great story. I loved it. Now I want to know if the redhead survived, so please continue the story. You did a great job. Have a wonderful evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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That is a great story. I loved it. Now I want to know if the redhead survived, so please continue the story. You did a great job. Have a wonderful evening. Shirley
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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I am so pleased you loved my story and want to read Part 2.
Comment from cupa tea
Very well written! I followed along easily. I saw nothing to correct. The story leads me to believe you are familiar with this area. IF not then you do a good job imaging it.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Very well written! I followed along easily. I saw nothing to correct. The story leads me to believe you are familiar with this area. IF not then you do a good job imaging it.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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I am so pleased I could PUT YOU THERE, cups tea. I used my imagination entirely.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great work. Great story. Great imagery. I saw it all, felt it all.
Ordinarily I have an eye peeled for grammar and punctuation issues, but not this read. You made me just read, picture after picture, sensation after sensation.
Best wishes and hurry with the next part.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Great work. Great story. Great imagery. I saw it all, felt it all.
Ordinarily I have an eye peeled for grammar and punctuation issues, but not this read. You made me just read, picture after picture, sensation after sensation.
Best wishes and hurry with the next part.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much, Wayne, for this astounding review. I am thrilled that I could put you there. And I truly appreciate the six bright stars.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
You win! Hopefully, a fictitious experience. You had seen enough over there. You know where. Afghanistan. Thanks for your service, if that part is real...........................................
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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You win! Hopefully, a fictitious experience. You had seen enough over there. You know where. Afghanistan. Thanks for your service, if that part is real...........................................
Comment Written 23-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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The story and the character are totally fictional. Many thanks for sharing.
Comment from SimianSavant
Hey! This is pretty good, and you can make it even better with a few tweaks, I think. I have been getting tougher with my review ratings today but am open to revising the rating up following technical corrections. So without further ado, here are a bunch of technical edits.
A rural postman encounters an earthquake. <= periods are unnecessary in a title. It's one of the few times a fragment is fine!
casablanca fan <= Casablanca should probably be capitalized, unless it refers to something so ubiquitous that it needs no explanation
half- filled <= eliminate space
Next time, Tomas . . . I promise." <= here are three different ways you can write an ellipsis without spaces.
1- make two dots: .. and then a space, and then a third: .. .
Then, delete the space between them:
...
this will keep your word processor from autocorrecting it to the ellipse ascii character that does not render in the basic html editor.
2-if you are using the basic editor, use this text where you want the ellipsis:
…
This will render the way you want it to. But, if you edit this again in the basic editor, you will have to update it each time, so it is best if doing this to save a separate document with the non-escaped character and paste that in each time. Make sure if doing that that you always save the document in basic view.
3-use the "advanced" editor. Just remember that it is buggy.
New Mexico, <= eliminate line break
Por los ninos <= niños
You can get this with the following HTML character:
ñ
over-sized tires <= oversized. This is a recognized compound word and should not have a hyphen.
10W30 <= should be 10W-30
Power was not the issue; handling was. <= YES! congratulations on the correct use of a semicolon. You have no idea how rarely I see it used correctly here.
sometimes small boulders I'd have to swing around <= can be confusing, since it ends on a preposition. You might want to reword this slightly. Conversationally it would be totally fine though.
Nasty business if I went more than twenty mph <= fragment -- consider "It was nasty business" etc. Also no need to spell out a number over 10.
The next paraphrase and beyond is really nicely written, with lots of detailed action.
leaf-less <= leafless
Because a cracked rib may have punctured a lung, I could barely breathe. <= flip this sentence: I could hardly breathe. A cracked rib may have punctured a lung.
I strongly advise ending on a period rather than an exclamation mark. This will give the reader much more of a surprise.
Try not to use so many ellipsis. I would suggest maybe one or two in your piece, three at the absolute most. It will make your writing stronger.
You might try to condense/shorten the declining action a bit. I'd maybe go for shortening that part by about 30%.
Hope these suggestions are helpful to you!
Best,
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Hey! This is pretty good, and you can make it even better with a few tweaks, I think. I have been getting tougher with my review ratings today but am open to revising the rating up following technical corrections. So without further ado, here are a bunch of technical edits.
A rural postman encounters an earthquake. <= periods are unnecessary in a title. It's one of the few times a fragment is fine!
casablanca fan <= Casablanca should probably be capitalized, unless it refers to something so ubiquitous that it needs no explanation
half- filled <= eliminate space
Next time, Tomas . . . I promise." <= here are three different ways you can write an ellipsis without spaces.
1- make two dots: .. and then a space, and then a third: .. .
Then, delete the space between them:
...
this will keep your word processor from autocorrecting it to the ellipse ascii character that does not render in the basic html editor.
2-if you are using the basic editor, use this text where you want the ellipsis:
…
This will render the way you want it to. But, if you edit this again in the basic editor, you will have to update it each time, so it is best if doing this to save a separate document with the non-escaped character and paste that in each time. Make sure if doing that that you always save the document in basic view.
3-use the "advanced" editor. Just remember that it is buggy.
New Mexico, <= eliminate line break
Por los ninos <= niños
You can get this with the following HTML character:
ñ
over-sized tires <= oversized. This is a recognized compound word and should not have a hyphen.
10W30 <= should be 10W-30
Power was not the issue; handling was. <= YES! congratulations on the correct use of a semicolon. You have no idea how rarely I see it used correctly here.
sometimes small boulders I'd have to swing around <= can be confusing, since it ends on a preposition. You might want to reword this slightly. Conversationally it would be totally fine though.
Nasty business if I went more than twenty mph <= fragment -- consider "It was nasty business" etc. Also no need to spell out a number over 10.
The next paraphrase and beyond is really nicely written, with lots of detailed action.
leaf-less <= leafless
Because a cracked rib may have punctured a lung, I could barely breathe. <= flip this sentence: I could hardly breathe. A cracked rib may have punctured a lung.
I strongly advise ending on a period rather than an exclamation mark. This will give the reader much more of a surprise.
Try not to use so many ellipsis. I would suggest maybe one or two in your piece, three at the absolute most. It will make your writing stronger.
You might try to condense/shorten the declining action a bit. I'd maybe go for shortening that part by about 30%.
Hope these suggestions are helpful to you!
Best,
Comment Written 23-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Harambe, for taking the time to point out flaws in my story and make suggestions.
Comment from T B Botts
Bravo!! Well done!! What a great story. Frankly, I'm glad I didn't enter this contest, it would have been a waste of my fan bucks. No doubt you have the winner here with this story. You made me feel like I was right there, suffering with the heat and the pain of having to move with broken ribs. Whoever you are, you really captured the story well. It was thoroughly enjoyable. Good luck in the contest.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Bravo!! Well done!! What a great story. Frankly, I'm glad I didn't enter this contest, it would have been a waste of my fan bucks. No doubt you have the winner here with this story. You made me feel like I was right there, suffering with the heat and the pain of having to move with broken ribs. Whoever you are, you really captured the story well. It was thoroughly enjoyable. Good luck in the contest.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 23-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Thank you, Tom, for your outstanding praise of my story. The kudos and those six bright stars are much appreciated.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Wow, this is sure an action-packed thriller. What an awful spot to find yourself in. Sitting up there on a narrow road after an earthquake. This is quite the story. I will watch for the rest of this one. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Wow, this is sure an action-packed thriller. What an awful spot to find yourself in. Sitting up there on a narrow road after an earthquake. This is quite the story. I will watch for the rest of this one. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for your enthusiastic response to my story. I do hope to post Part 2 soon.
