Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Spiritus Unum"Musings of an old man - 2022
35 total reviews
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Haha. God is turning churches and Christianity into an enterprise. Yes. It might be a successful corporation but they have to pay taxes and can't be non-profit anymore. It may not be a good business idea, let alone a spiritual pursuit.
Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Haha. God is turning churches and Christianity into an enterprise. Yes. It might be a successful corporation but they have to pay taxes and can't be non-profit anymore. It may not be a good business idea, let alone a spiritual pursuit.
Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Smiling back
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
At first, I was asking...What is this about. Nevertheless,
I was able to catch on. And thought your write we good. But
on the other side of the same token, It was a little ordinary.
And needs some spice, via twist & turns. Keep Writing. And
don't forget to stop by to talk to me. Stay Connected
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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At first, I was asking...What is this about. Nevertheless,
I was able to catch on. And thought your write we good. But
on the other side of the same token, It was a little ordinary.
And needs some spice, via twist & turns. Keep Writing. And
don't forget to stop by to talk to me. Stay Connected
Comment Written 18-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Thanks for your honest reflection. I found it difficult to write a credible story in 450 words or less. SO this, I power forward with great respect those truly gifted in writing prose.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
A very interesting premise and probably one that would actually work if it were to come to pass. The setting works well for the topic and brings an immediacy to it.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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A very interesting premise and probably one that would actually work if it were to come to pass. The setting works well for the topic and brings an immediacy to it.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Smiles!
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:-)
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
To be employed by God would be wonderful. We are His keepers on earth. We are only here to watch over what God lets us use. I wonder how much different that would be in your story?
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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To be employed by God would be wonderful. We are His keepers on earth. We are only here to watch over what God lets us use. I wonder how much different that would be in your story?
Comment Written 18-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Rosemary, I think it would be impossble put inmto words the shear awe of being tasked with doing work of one of His twelve to start this while thingover again, as I beleive He had intended his ceation to unfold 2021 years later. Let's see ...where I mispalce that garden ....
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We are god's disciple every day of the week if we tell His story about salvation. His garden would be very creative.
Comment from Terry Broxson
A very creative story for this contest, good luck. I am not sure if God would do it this way, but maybe so. I certainly see how those franchise holders screwed it up. Giving them some new competition is interesting. Good work.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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A very creative story for this contest, good luck. I am not sure if God would do it this way, but maybe so. I certainly see how those franchise holders screwed it up. Giving them some new competition is interesting. Good work.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Smiles back Terry!
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
I liked this piece and often feel the same way about organised religion.
A few notes I made as I read through-
To the surprise of the interviewees sitting across from the now open door,- this is basically repetition in reverse from the opening of the previous paragraph.
nodded slightly, and began slowly walking - be careful of pairing adverbs like this. When used in succession it makes them stand out and can expose a weakness in verb choice.
It's also usually best to not have different speakers in the same paragraph.
we have brought you all in to make an offer of employment.- need closing speech marks here.
Elohim interrupted and states- mixing your tenses here.
In dialogue, when you start a new paragraph, you should have opening speech marks at the beginning of the new paragraph.
I don't think you need the glossary for who is who at the end. It would be pretty obvious.
this is a good one and should do well.
GMG
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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hi there,
I liked this piece and often feel the same way about organised religion.
A few notes I made as I read through-
To the surprise of the interviewees sitting across from the now open door,- this is basically repetition in reverse from the opening of the previous paragraph.
nodded slightly, and began slowly walking - be careful of pairing adverbs like this. When used in succession it makes them stand out and can expose a weakness in verb choice.
It's also usually best to not have different speakers in the same paragraph.
we have brought you all in to make an offer of employment.- need closing speech marks here.
Elohim interrupted and states- mixing your tenses here.
In dialogue, when you start a new paragraph, you should have opening speech marks at the beginning of the new paragraph.
I don't think you need the glossary for who is who at the end. It would be pretty obvious.
this is a good one and should do well.
GMG
Comment Written 18-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Thanks! Good input I have learned form your comments.
Comment from LisaMay
Your satire hits the nail here (oops, better be careful mentioning nails when Jesus is around).
It seems like a highly plausible situation - it must be infuriating to God to have his 'brand' debased like is happening by unscrupulous franchisees.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022
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Your satire hits the nail here (oops, better be careful mentioning nails when Jesus is around).
It seems like a highly plausible situation - it must be infuriating to God to have his 'brand' debased like is happening by unscrupulous franchisees.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022
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LisaMay thank you for reading and commenting on my satire about organized religion and the need for a reset.
Comment from BethShelby
No bad, Organized religion had changed the rules and made up their own so I think the original three should seriously think about taking it back. I enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022
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No bad, Organized religion had changed the rules and made up their own so I think the original three should seriously think about taking it back. I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2022
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Thank you Beth, I appreciate your review and validation.
Comment from BethShelby
No bad, Organized religion had changed the rules and made up their own so I think the original three should seriously think about taking it back. I enjoyed reading this.
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No bad, Organized religion had changed the rules and made up their own so I think the original three should seriously think about taking it back. I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2022
Comment from Cristine22
First, I'm very happy that you've included women in the twelve! I find it interesting that you've made the Trinity/Godhead into three separate people (I'm totally on board with that). And are you implying that Michael is the Holy Ghost? Anyway, I think this story is really cool and makes for some interesting theological inquiries. Thanks for sharing! I liked it a lot.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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First, I'm very happy that you've included women in the twelve! I find it interesting that you've made the Trinity/Godhead into three separate people (I'm totally on board with that). And are you implying that Michael is the Holy Ghost? Anyway, I think this story is really cool and makes for some interesting theological inquiries. Thanks for sharing! I liked it a lot.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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Cristine, thanks much, I was thinking of the archangel Michael, I am glad you enjoyed it.
