Earthquake 1908
Granmother remembering an earthquake she endured in Italy6 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Earthquake contest. You met the contest rules.
It was a heartfelt story and sad... even sadder knowing that it's true. My grandmother was in an earthquake in Cadiz, Spain. She was under gravel holding a wall for hours until she was rescued.
Check this....
"There was ( papabal) *palpable .... fear flowing as she spoke."
Good luck in the contest!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
  |
Excellent entry for the Earthquake contest. You met the contest rules.
It was a heartfelt story and sad... even sadder knowing that it's true. My grandmother was in an earthquake in Cadiz, Spain. She was under gravel holding a wall for hours until she was rescued.
Check this....
"There was ( papabal) *palpable .... fear flowing as she spoke."
Good luck in the contest!
Gypsy
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
-
Thanks for the read and review. Glad your grandmother survived. And thanks for the catch. I will edit.
Comment from cupa tea
I love stories that are told here that are true. You did a wonderful job telling it.
I love Nonna's speech. You did a great job with that. Good luck in the contest. There are lots of well told stories here.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
|
I love stories that are told here that are true. You did a wonderful job telling it.
I love Nonna's speech. You did a great job with that. Good luck in the contest. There are lots of well told stories here.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for your read and encouraging feedback. And lucky for me my Nonna survived.
Comment from zanya
A piquant but sad note struck here in telling the story of an earthquake from the POV of the grandmother many years earlier - the tragic memories of the event are embedded forever-well done
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2022
|
A piquant but sad note struck here in telling the story of an earthquake from the POV of the grandmother many years earlier - the tragic memories of the event are embedded forever-well done
Comment Written 20-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for the read and the encouraging feedback.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Because you wrote as your grandmother spoke the article was interesting.
I wasn't sure I wanted to move ahead as the "I said" in the first lines should have been at the end. It read weirdly but beginning in paragraph through to the final word everything else was dandy.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
|
Because you wrote as your grandmother spoke the article was interesting.
I wasn't sure I wanted to move ahead as the "I said" in the first lines should have been at the end. It read weirdly but beginning in paragraph through to the final word everything else was dandy.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
-
I edited out the "I said" in the first line. It sounds better, thanks.
Comment from SimianSavant
I too noticed the absence of articles in the writing. Many languages do not have them. Towards the end though especially, you have a few. For consistency, you might want to remove them:
I lay back for a few seconds,
her sister who lived in a town not too far away
He a stranger
etc (there are several more instances of *a* and *the*; I would just do a search and remove).
Articles or not, it is a good story, and harrowing. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
|
I too noticed the absence of articles in the writing. Many languages do not have them. Towards the end though especially, you have a few. For consistency, you might want to remove them:
I lay back for a few seconds,
her sister who lived in a town not too far away
He a stranger
etc (there are several more instances of *a* and *the*; I would just do a search and remove).
Articles or not, it is a good story, and harrowing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
-
Thanks for your help. Believe it or not I went over twice. Maybe I need to read it out loud.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Nicely done. I like the way you told the story in the manner your grandmother spoke. It makes the reading that much more interesting and realistic. It is sad that she lost her family in this terrible way. I didn't spot any errors. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
|
Nicely done. I like the way you told the story in the manner your grandmother spoke. It makes the reading that much more interesting and realistic. It is sad that she lost her family in this terrible way. I didn't spot any errors. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2022
-
Thank you for the read and the encouraging response.
