Comment from royowen

Exceptional

This is a brilliant twist in this story. If you can read or listen to a man who is probably the greatest authority on demonology I have ever heard, I know he's on video, you can google him. His name is Derek Prince, he's a great teacher on all things Christian, you might have to wade through a few titles. This is a wonderful twist to your story my friend, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2022

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022

Thanks so much, Roy :) I appreciate your generous praise.
I will have to check out this Derek Prince fella. Thanks!
I feel like I might be getting close to ending this book. Seems like it keeps on going and going. LOL!

Thanks again!
Always your fan,
Shana :)

Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

What is that demon up to by possessing Carrie? I'm eager to find out what happens next. I'm sorry, but you're not writing fast enough to suit me. HEhe. All kidding aside you did a great job. Have a wonderful afternoon. Shirley

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2022

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022

Thank you, Shirley :)
I appreciate your generous stars and encouraging review. I know it takes me almost a whole week to write something new. You'd think after five books, I would be faster by now. LOL! Still so slow. I get writer's block a lot and get distracted too. I'm hoping this book will be out in print this summer.
Thanks again for your support!
Sincerely,
Shana :)

Comment from Shannon Osteen

Good

Great content. Love the dark imagery and literary visualization.
I want to read the prior excerpts!
I am intrigued by this story and want to learn more about the characters.
This is awesome. The story seems to have all the makings of a great thriller/fantasy novel. Keep up the good work!

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2022

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022

Thanks Shannon :) I appreciate it!

Sincerely,
Shana :)

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Okay. It's not the genre I look for in the library, but I found the story interesting and I did not see any concerns... save for a duplicitous sentence about black eyes but maybe her partner needed to see them as they were when she lay next to him.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2022

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022

Thanks Tom :)
Glad you enjoyed the chapter. I will take a look at the duplicate sentence about black eyes. I appreciate your helpful advice.

Sincerely,
Shana :)

reply by Tom Horonzy on 07-Feb-2022

duplicate description of the eyes not the sentence. perhaps dark would work for one or the other adjectives of her changed to eyes.

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022

Thanks! I appreciate that :)

Comment from AJ McCall

Exceptional

Okay, so I was looking forward t this soooooooooooooooo much that when I was replying to a 'thank you' message I almost put, 'you're welcome, Shana', lol. But SHANANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I can't believe you would end it like this! I am almost annoyed... but you know I'll keep reading until the FAIRYTALE ending. (Which seems pretty far to me, lol.)

Please tell me that the Breedline goes to her apartment in the next chapter. PLEASE! The anticipation IS GOING TO KILL MEEEEEEEEEE!
And we both know that Frank has a good idea that this 'Carrie' is his niece. But please don't leave a cliff-hanger for he next post. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Now enough of that; I need to address a few things about your description of Carrie. Just a few suggestions of improvement.

So first I think this could be italisized: Something unnatural and unholy.

And with this paragraph: Carrie's beautiful features had transformed into something demonic... evil. Her once enchanting brown eyes were now as black as a crow's. And the dark webbed veins that shown beneath her pale face looked more like the dead than the living.

So 'black as a crow's' feels a little weak compared to how you described it earlier but don't worry I have another description that could help. Here it is:

Carrie's beautiful features had transformed into something demonic... evil. Her once enchanting brown eyes were now deep pits of obsidian, so dark, Joseph felt like he stared into an abyss. And the darkly webbed viens shown beneath her skin reminded him of the dead.

You can use that if you like. It keeps the eerieness if you know what I mean. So... guess I'll be back next Monday?

(Of course!) ;) Six stars!

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2022

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022

Thanks so much, AJ :)
Don't worry my friend. Eventually, it will all come together. I'm being guided on the ending, and it will all turn out happily. Getting there just takes time.
And thanks so much for the helpful advice. I will change it up to make it more eerie. So glad I have you reading my story. You make the difference.
In the next chapter, Carrie and Joseph will discuss what they are going to do next after they receive some strange messages from Joseph's coworker. Then, something happens, which might lead to another cliff hanger. But.... I will make it all worth the wait.
Until next time...
Big hugs,
Shana :)

reply by AJ McCall on 07-Feb-2022

Eventually? That's TOO LONG FOR ME! lol.

You're welcome! Anytime.
Wait, did you say strange messages from his co-worker? You mean the one that was scared of Drakon, AKA Mr. Mohawk? LOL. I can't wait to read it. ;) Yes, until next time. ;) ;)

reply by the author on 08-Feb-2022

Yep. That's the coworker :)

reply by AJ McCall on 08-Feb-2022

Ahhh. Got it. ;)