THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 101 "Demon Hunting/Part Two"The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
7 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
Great reading. I enjoy that you keep it active all the way through the piece. I didn't find a single mistake. I look forward to the next chapter. You did a great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2022
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Great reading. I enjoy that you keep it active all the way through the piece. I didn't find a single mistake. I look forward to the next chapter. You did a great job. Shirley
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2022
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Thanks so much, Shirley :) Glad you enjoyed another chapter. Your positive feedback makes a difference. I hope to hear back from you again. More Breedline adventures to come!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from AJ McCall
SHANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
You baited me... AGAIN! I need more story, I need more action... I NEED MORE CHAPTER!!! LOL. The part about Drakon was funny. (The guy had no idea;) But these cliffhangers are physically killing me. So now that they have an idea where Joseph may be, they need to go to her apartment. ASAP. I want to SEE MORE LENGTH, Shana FOR NEXT WEEK! I have to know what happens before I die of anticipation.
Also, just wanted to point out I did find an error: Jem (hide) in the back of the complex - Jem hid...
And I love the picture!
Until next Monday... hopefully. ;) ;)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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SHANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
You baited me... AGAIN! I need more story, I need more action... I NEED MORE CHAPTER!!! LOL. The part about Drakon was funny. (The guy had no idea;) But these cliffhangers are physically killing me. So now that they have an idea where Joseph may be, they need to go to her apartment. ASAP. I want to SEE MORE LENGTH, Shana FOR NEXT WEEK! I have to know what happens before I die of anticipation.
Also, just wanted to point out I did find an error: Jem (hide) in the back of the complex - Jem hid...
And I love the picture!
Until next Monday... hopefully. ;) ;)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, AJ :)
I didn't see that typo. So glad you caught that. Yes, this one is short and sweet. The next chapter will be on Joseph and Carrie again. It will be shocking. Until next time, stay tuned my friend. More Breedline adventures to come.
BTW, your positive words are very motivating.
Big hugs!
Shana :)
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You're welcome, Shana! Anytime!
The next chapter? Good because I am dying to see what Joseph's reaction is to when Carrie tells him that the Shadow is in her now. Or will she??????????? ;)
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Yes, something happens where he finds out. It's pretty tense. I think you'll enjoy it.
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Oooooooooooooh. Can't wait to read it... ;) ;)
Comment from royowen
Hanging out and keeping an eye on Joseph's apartment waiting for him to come by, the happen on a colleague who was concerned for Joseph, because Drakon was looking for him, they find out he's been seeing a girl called Carrie, not the niece surely? They're back to the drawing boards, fantastic episode Shana, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Hanging out and keeping an eye on Joseph's apartment waiting for him to come by, the happen on a colleague who was concerned for Joseph, because Drakon was looking for him, they find out he's been seeing a girl called Carrie, not the niece surely? They're back to the drawing boards, fantastic episode Shana, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, Roy! :) Your positive words are always encouraging. I appreciate you!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Bless you Shana
Comment from Frank Malley
Because most of us are decent people, we tend to create characters who are decent. But even "good guys" need some sins amid their virtues to keep a story interesting. If everybody's nice, you paint yourself into a corner and when a conflict shows up, it can seem contrived. Remember, too, that these good guys are also tough guys. Will they really converse as though they're on Dr. Phil?
The author writes good sentences, but uses more words than she needs without adding much. For example, "After a few moments, Jem finally lowered the binoculars" reduces to 'Gem finally lowered the binoculars." Really, what does 'after a few moments' really add except some more words to chew through? So: Use the words you need. Create conflict. Use tough characters with differences between them. Move the story forward.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Because most of us are decent people, we tend to create characters who are decent. But even "good guys" need some sins amid their virtues to keep a story interesting. If everybody's nice, you paint yourself into a corner and when a conflict shows up, it can seem contrived. Remember, too, that these good guys are also tough guys. Will they really converse as though they're on Dr. Phil?
The author writes good sentences, but uses more words than she needs without adding much. For example, "After a few moments, Jem finally lowered the binoculars" reduces to 'Gem finally lowered the binoculars." Really, what does 'after a few moments' really add except some more words to chew through? So: Use the words you need. Create conflict. Use tough characters with differences between them. Move the story forward.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thanks Frank. I appreciate your helpful advice.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from MJK
Super engaging passage, right from the start! I found myself drawn in by details in the setting (unmarked car, the moonlight illumination). The dialogue between Jace and Jem immediately made them come to life while you built suspense and intrigue about Joseph. Plus their interaction was amusing and entertaining!
I had to reread a couple times to establish that there were six people watching for Joseph at the beginning. Not sure if a brief but helpful transition to the introduction of Jace and Jem would help, or if it's just part of the process of my getting oriented as a reader.
You asked for edits also, so here's what I noticed:
1. You introduce "Detectives' Manual Sanchez and..." Drop the apostrophe; no possession is involved since it's merely a plural.
2. "Jem hide" should be "Jem hid."
3. When Drakon and Roman introduce themselves, wouldn't they also include the name of the department rather than just say, "We're from homicide"?
4. Experiment with creating your own similes rather than relying on the cliches (cookie jar and lottery).
5. Dialogue -- not sure if it was intentional for Stewart's statement "I don't know" to close with a question mark.
6. "...Carrie's in this city." Again, no apostrophe needed because you are creating a plural only.
Overall, I found myself engaged and entertained, and I thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue, suspense, and intrigue. I am left genuinely curious about ALL the characters!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Super engaging passage, right from the start! I found myself drawn in by details in the setting (unmarked car, the moonlight illumination). The dialogue between Jace and Jem immediately made them come to life while you built suspense and intrigue about Joseph. Plus their interaction was amusing and entertaining!
I had to reread a couple times to establish that there were six people watching for Joseph at the beginning. Not sure if a brief but helpful transition to the introduction of Jace and Jem would help, or if it's just part of the process of my getting oriented as a reader.
You asked for edits also, so here's what I noticed:
1. You introduce "Detectives' Manual Sanchez and..." Drop the apostrophe; no possession is involved since it's merely a plural.
2. "Jem hide" should be "Jem hid."
3. When Drakon and Roman introduce themselves, wouldn't they also include the name of the department rather than just say, "We're from homicide"?
4. Experiment with creating your own similes rather than relying on the cliches (cookie jar and lottery).
5. Dialogue -- not sure if it was intentional for Stewart's statement "I don't know" to close with a question mark.
6. "...Carrie's in this city." Again, no apostrophe needed because you are creating a plural only.
Overall, I found myself engaged and entertained, and I thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue, suspense, and intrigue. I am left genuinely curious about ALL the characters!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Melanie :) I appreciate your helpful advice. This is great!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like and have enjoyed the read of this Supernatural Science Fiction about Demon hunting; taletelling is well organized, plot development is appreciable, dialogues are realistic; happy and hopeful ending; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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I like and have enjoyed the read of this Supernatural Science Fiction about Demon hunting; taletelling is well organized, plot development is appreciable, dialogues are realistic; happy and hopeful ending; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, Alcreator :)
Glad you enjoyed another chapter. Thanks for the awesome review!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces an espionage activity intended to track the whereabouts of a journalist, Joseph.
The work highlights a team of detectives waiting outside his home; Stewart, his fellow journalist's sniffing around the home of their target and their encounter with him, which let out Carrie as their likely lead to Joseph's whereabouts.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with espionage.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces an espionage activity intended to track the whereabouts of a journalist, Joseph.
The work highlights a team of detectives waiting outside his home; Stewart, his fellow journalist's sniffing around the home of their target and their encounter with him, which let out Carrie as their likely lead to Joseph's whereabouts.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with espionage.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, Lloyd :) Glad you enjoyed this chapter. I appreciate the positive review and generous stars. Hope to hear from you again!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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Remain Blessed.
