Dancing in Dubai.
People Lie.16 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
Yard,
This one will take a while to digest. I appreciate the look behind the scenes into a contractor's world, and into the world that is hidden from those like myself who look out across a fresh-mown hayfield at a doe and her three fawns, balance the checkbook and wonder what I will cook for dinner.
It seems that the little lie is about the kid shot in the eye, and that he was shot for the simple pleasure of it; and that the big lie involves the whole shebang, the military-industrial-geopolitical complex, in need of, and hungry for, war for profit and fun.
Very emotionally compelling and thought-provoking. As always your writing demands some work on the part of the reader, but moves at a pace that maintain strong engagement. The Hemingway reference was clever.
Once again, the authenticity belies a fictional nature. I know it is true that military/intel retirees sometimes stay in the "business" on a contractual basis well into their sixties. It must be addictive.
I've made some proofing notes.
Sue
FUBAR: Offensive slang from WWII meaning something is so broken it is eyond repair. -- missing B in beyond
Resembling chiropractic Shamans, they will pry, squeeze, -- I wouldn't cap shamans
Law Firm waiting to unleash three of their top Pro-Bono attorneys." -- Why the caps for law firm amd pro-bono?
Eric wasn't going to admit it he liked Joy was a bona fide spook. -- awkward -- admit that he liked that?
Dazed but conscious, they lay in a mosaic of broken glass -- very nice
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Yard,
This one will take a while to digest. I appreciate the look behind the scenes into a contractor's world, and into the world that is hidden from those like myself who look out across a fresh-mown hayfield at a doe and her three fawns, balance the checkbook and wonder what I will cook for dinner.
It seems that the little lie is about the kid shot in the eye, and that he was shot for the simple pleasure of it; and that the big lie involves the whole shebang, the military-industrial-geopolitical complex, in need of, and hungry for, war for profit and fun.
Very emotionally compelling and thought-provoking. As always your writing demands some work on the part of the reader, but moves at a pace that maintain strong engagement. The Hemingway reference was clever.
Once again, the authenticity belies a fictional nature. I know it is true that military/intel retirees sometimes stay in the "business" on a contractual basis well into their sixties. It must be addictive.
I've made some proofing notes.
Sue
FUBAR: Offensive slang from WWII meaning something is so broken it is eyond repair. -- missing B in beyond
Resembling chiropractic Shamans, they will pry, squeeze, -- I wouldn't cap shamans
Law Firm waiting to unleash three of their top Pro-Bono attorneys." -- Why the caps for law firm amd pro-bono?
Eric wasn't going to admit it he liked Joy was a bona fide spook. -- awkward -- admit that he liked that?
Dazed but conscious, they lay in a mosaic of broken glass -- very nice
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your in-depth review and the six. Your suggestions are always spot on and appreciated. The story is not quite what you thought, close though. I'm going to busy this next week and when I return, I'll outline it. In the meantime, feel free to reread. Yard.
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You are welcome. I will try to do that.
Comment from dmt1967
'"No, but you did shoot that kid in the eye, and now the entire world is looking for us." Eric reminded ().' (him)
I would have given you a five as the story itself was great but it took so long to get to the body of the story that I nearly gave up. This would have been a shame as the actual story left me wanting more. Thank you for sharing and take care.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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'"No, but you did shoot that kid in the eye, and now the entire world is looking for us." Eric reminded ().' (him)
I would have given you a five as the story itself was great but it took so long to get to the body of the story that I nearly gave up. This would have been a shame as the actual story left me wanting more. Thank you for sharing and take care.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thanks dmt1967. I appreciate your time and comments. Perhaps a second reading will give you a different perspective.
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces a protagonist with a background for creative writing holed in a hideout, writing and evolving strategies to get himself and his cohorts freed. His name is Eric.
The work highlights Eric's allusions to people living a lie in the city, where they are fugitives; his assurances to Paul for them to exit the city free from squabbles; their entanglement with the opposite sex and the sudden incursion from security agents that left him and Paul bewildered.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with espionage activities.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces a protagonist with a background for creative writing holed in a hideout, writing and evolving strategies to get himself and his cohorts freed. His name is Eric.
The work highlights Eric's allusions to people living a lie in the city, where they are fugitives; his assurances to Paul for them to exit the city free from squabbles; their entanglement with the opposite sex and the sudden incursion from security agents that left him and Paul bewildered.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with espionage activities.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you, sir, for your time and rating. I will keep it up. Yard.
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Great Yard! Remain Blessed.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good work.
furtive glances, and evil sneers - comma not needed
but ultimately, it will be the kiss - comma not needed
and How Joyanne said - no cap for 'How'
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Good work.
furtive glances, and evil sneers - comma not needed
but ultimately, it will be the kiss - comma not needed
and How Joyanne said - no cap for 'How'
Best wishes.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you, sir, for your time and rating. I will keep it up. Yard.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I love and have enjoyed the read of this fiction, your experience of living in Middle East reflects, people love the most telling lies and forgetting everything and remembering the past, you have tried to tell us the truth thru your experience filter; Eric and the writing 'People Lie' is another reflection of experience; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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I love and have enjoyed the read of this fiction, your experience of living in Middle East reflects, people love the most telling lies and forgetting everything and remembering the past, you have tried to tell us the truth thru your experience filter; Eric and the writing 'People Lie' is another reflection of experience; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Alcreator, for your time and rating. I will keep it up. Yard.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
A great piece of writing telling the story and then shifting to the interactions among your fellow comrades as you write the story of the lies. I am well aware of many things that went on in the Middle East at that time since my wife is a first-generation American and her parents are from Iran.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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A great piece of writing telling the story and then shifting to the interactions among your fellow comrades as you write the story of the lies. I am well aware of many things that went on in the Middle East at that time since my wife is a first-generation American and her parents are from Iran.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2022
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Thank you, sir, for your time and rating. Yard.
