Contest Collage
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "butterfly lune"keep your hope alive....
54 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
A nice description of the life cycle of the butterfly from a caterpillar emerging from the chrysalis. You picked the right syllables for the 5-3-5. You formatted to show the gradually emerging so that it looks like a block. But the lune form is supposed to look like a crescent moon so it's usually not centered but formatted to the left margin:
a caterpillar
emerges
~beautiful flier~
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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A nice description of the life cycle of the butterfly from a caterpillar emerging from the chrysalis. You picked the right syllables for the 5-3-5. You formatted to show the gradually emerging so that it looks like a block. But the lune form is supposed to look like a crescent moon so it's usually not centered but formatted to the left margin:
a caterpillar
emerges
~beautiful flier~
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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someone else told me that, so i googled it and didn't find anywhere that it couldn't be centered
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That's totally fine. You did like your formatting of "emerges" to visually show the transition.
Comment from Ashley Shipley
I really like the simple yet beautiful image conjured by this poem. I think that this is aided by the physical for of the poem particularly the elongation of the middle line, suggesting a change in state, and the curled dashes that resemble a caterpillar. Really well done!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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I really like the simple yet beautiful image conjured by this poem. I think that this is aided by the physical for of the poem particularly the elongation of the middle line, suggesting a change in state, and the curled dashes that resemble a caterpillar. Really well done!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you ashley :-)
Comment from LJbutterfly
It's hard to create an image in just thirteen syllables, but you've managed to accomplish it. I wish you had included a picture for a more fulfilling presentation, but your poem alone expresses the beauty of a butterfly.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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It's hard to create an image in just thirteen syllables, but you've managed to accomplish it. I wish you had included a picture for a more fulfilling presentation, but your poem alone expresses the beauty of a butterfly.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you lj :-)
Comment from Artasylum
This is lovely.... a great entry for the contest and good luck; looking forward to more from you.. wait I don't know who you are... well hope we pass paths again. such a sweet entry and. thanks for your poem and your thoughts.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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This is lovely.... a great entry for the contest and good luck; looking forward to more from you.. wait I don't know who you are... well hope we pass paths again. such a sweet entry and. thanks for your poem and your thoughts.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you art :-)
Comment from Mark D. R.
I like the theme of your Lune poem entry. With little imagination, one can see your meaning. To set off your last line image, I would recommend you add a dash or squiggle after your second line.
Best wishes in the voting.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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I like the theme of your Lune poem entry. With little imagination, one can see your meaning. To set off your last line image, I would recommend you add a dash or squiggle after your second line.
Best wishes in the voting.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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i made wings ;-)
thank you mark :)
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Like your wings!
Another poem I reviewed for the same contest replied:
Lune poems are always supposed to be left-centered to give the allusion of a crescent shaped moon... Truly!
So many little rules!
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i just googled it, and i couldn't find anywhere that is must be left-aligned....
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It makes sense, but I trusted the person who sent me the note I shared with you.
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that's why i googled it.... so i knew for sure :)
Comment from RGstar
Once again, I recognize the style. Good a statement, soft a sentiment, colourful the imagery, and serene the delivery.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Once again, I recognize the style. Good a statement, soft a sentiment, colourful the imagery, and serene the delivery.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you rg :)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This writing prompt entry caused me to smile with the words you uses. 'beautiful flier' was a great play on words. Thank you for sharing. The syllable count is perfect.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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This writing prompt entry caused me to smile with the words you uses. 'beautiful flier' was a great play on words. Thank you for sharing. The syllable count is perfect.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you barbara :)
Comment from nomi338
With mild trepidation, we joined FanStory. Timidly we submitted our work. We suffered each criticism, listened and tried to learn from each reasonable suggestion, rejected the unkind suggestions to just kill ourselves. As our efforts improved, we began the transformative process of growth. One year, two years, steady improvement. Our first All Time Best Award. We were over the moon with the pride of accomplishment. Much higher ranking, respect from other writers, a string of awards. We take a look at ourselves and discover that the timid caterpillar that we once were is now a full fledged butterfly.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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With mild trepidation, we joined FanStory. Timidly we submitted our work. We suffered each criticism, listened and tried to learn from each reasonable suggestion, rejected the unkind suggestions to just kill ourselves. As our efforts improved, we began the transformative process of growth. One year, two years, steady improvement. Our first All Time Best Award. We were over the moon with the pride of accomplishment. Much higher ranking, respect from other writers, a string of awards. We take a look at ourselves and discover that the timid caterpillar that we once were is now a full fledged butterfly.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you nomi :-)
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Fly butterfly, fly.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Unnamed Poet a happy Friday to you, thanks for share your Lune contest entry. You executed the poem well within the parameters of the rules, should be a good contender in the contest. Good Luck!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Hello Unnamed Poet a happy Friday to you, thanks for share your Lune contest entry. You executed the poem well within the parameters of the rules, should be a good contender in the contest. Good Luck!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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thank you '13' :)
Comment from Thatguypk
I'm not convinced that Lunes are really poetry at all. They are really only an observation, concisely expressed, and that is the only way I can judge or comment on them. Yours works for me because in so few words you have captured what a butterfly is. Therefore it is a successful Lune.
:-) PK
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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I'm not convinced that Lunes are really poetry at all. They are really only an observation, concisely expressed, and that is the only way I can judge or comment on them. Yours works for me because in so few words you have captured what a butterfly is. Therefore it is a successful Lune.
:-) PK
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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lol they are fun to write though. thank you pk :)
