Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Presence of Perfection."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
23 total reviews
Comment from Thatguypk
I'm sorry I don't have a sixth star to offer for this. It seems a little odd to enter a novella at chapter 16, but I've been away from the site for quite a while, so this is my first experience of your writing, and I must say, it has certainly persuaded me to skip back to chapter one and begin again. I have no doubt I'll be in touch with you in the future. Thanks for a great read.
PK
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I'm sorry I don't have a sixth star to offer for this. It seems a little odd to enter a novella at chapter 16, but I've been away from the site for quite a while, so this is my first experience of your writing, and I must say, it has certainly persuaded me to skip back to chapter one and begin again. I have no doubt I'll be in touch with you in the future. Thanks for a great read.
PK
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Hello, PK. Pleasure to meet you. Thanks for the review. Looking forward to more dialogue with you. All the best, Yard
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an excellent ending to Lee's story of recovery from loneliness and the confusion of a mind nearly lost to the memories of war. In a way, his discussion with the man in the white robe is a moving as events in "The Shack". You have created an excellent novel about the haunting presence of fear built on war.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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This is an excellent ending to Lee's story of recovery from loneliness and the confusion of a mind nearly lost to the memories of war. In a way, his discussion with the man in the white robe is a moving as events in "The Shack". You have created an excellent novel about the haunting presence of fear built on war.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you, once again, Carol, for your review and understanding. I look forward to more feedback from you in the future. Yard
Comment from royowen
Well done James. There are many testimonies, there has been none like mine, and none like yours, everyone is unique. I can remember writing about truth, and trying to define it, Pilate, asked "What is Truth?" Jesus said I am the way, the truth and the life." I defined it as absolute, truth is truth, a person, and everything else is a lie. But people argued with that. I guess blindness is what defines mankind, unless it's birthed in the light. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Well done James. There are many testimonies, there has been none like mine, and none like yours, everyone is unique. I can remember writing about truth, and trying to define it, Pilate, asked "What is Truth?" Jesus said I am the way, the truth and the life." I defined it as absolute, truth is truth, a person, and everything else is a lie. But people argued with that. I guess blindness is what defines mankind, unless it's birthed in the light. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Roy. Yes, there is only one truth; the Logos of God. I intended to present that eternal 'Truth' in such a fashion, a non-believer may consider that 'Truth' from the position of logic.
My hope is some may consider many of the illustrations in the story, and what purpose did they serve. One such illustration is the fruit tray offered to Lee by the Advocate. What is the significance
of the relationship of the Advocate with these fruits: Loquat, Jujube, Papaya and Lime, Grape, Guava and Fig, Mango, and Tangerine? That part of the story is structured so an unbeliever asks that very question. James.
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Very clever, I pray God opens. That up James, well done
Comment from Judy Lawless
I wish I had another six left for you, Yard. This is so well written and very profound. You did a great job of keeping the waters muddy, and creating many emotions within your readers. I agreed with Lee when he said, "This is getting a little heavy." And it got much heavier before it became light and clear. I'm glad you shared this story. I think it would be publishable.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I wish I had another six left for you, Yard. This is so well written and very profound. You did a great job of keeping the waters muddy, and creating many emotions within your readers. I agreed with Lee when he said, "This is getting a little heavy." And it got much heavier before it became light and clear. I'm glad you shared this story. I think it would be publishable.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Judy. I'm grateful you stayed along for the ride and shared the insight I hoped for. Other's have mentioned the 'P' word as well. Do you own a radio station?
That is what my wife and I say when someone suggest my writing should be published. Why radio station? Years ago, I spoke at men's breakfast. Afterward, a man complimented me and said I should be on radio. I asked him if he owned a radio station. No, was the answer. Lol, we're still looking. (;-)
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You?re welcome, Yard. Sorry I don?t own a radio station or a publishing house.lol
Comment from Susan Newell
Yard,
Damn! I wish I had ten stars for this. I felt Lee's confusion, resignation, resolution, understanding and piece. The last four lines of your ending comment say it all. I particularly enjoyed the dialogue about truth. In one of my books, it was a central theme. There is no need for "translating" or interpreting your words. The symbolism shouts truth.
Humanity was not meant for war, and that Truth is under constant assault by Satan's lies. It is unfortunate that agnostics/atheists by definition also discount Satan (and demons as well as human henchmen), the greatest conspiracy leader of all time, and as Jesus told us, the father of all lies.
Thank you for giving me a story well worth reading, digesting and keeping close to my heart. Your writing has both impressed and moved me. I know many who were damaged by war and I contend that the greatest gift men have historically given to women was to not ask them to become warriors, to take that burden and stain upon themselves.
I look forward to the epilogue.
Many thanks for what writing this has cost you.
Sue
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Yard,
Damn! I wish I had ten stars for this. I felt Lee's confusion, resignation, resolution, understanding and piece. The last four lines of your ending comment say it all. I particularly enjoyed the dialogue about truth. In one of my books, it was a central theme. There is no need for "translating" or interpreting your words. The symbolism shouts truth.
Humanity was not meant for war, and that Truth is under constant assault by Satan's lies. It is unfortunate that agnostics/atheists by definition also discount Satan (and demons as well as human henchmen), the greatest conspiracy leader of all time, and as Jesus told us, the father of all lies.
Thank you for giving me a story well worth reading, digesting and keeping close to my heart. Your writing has both impressed and moved me. I know many who were damaged by war and I contend that the greatest gift men have historically given to women was to not ask them to become warriors, to take that burden and stain upon themselves.
I look forward to the epilogue.
Many thanks for what writing this has cost you.
Sue
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Hugs for you, Sue. It is an honor to express truth that touches the heart and soul. I know, at times, we can feel down trodden and ineffective when we view the world around us. Still, we have that 'Glorious Hope' that cannot be taken from us. With that promise, I wrote Concertina from the viewpoint of a person, lost and confused. Some people are put off by Bible Thumpers and wild haired evangelists. My hope is those persons see in Concertina confusion, despair, delusion and addiction are not uncommon. Neither is the solution. Yard
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You are most welcome. I think you met your goal and then some. You really nailed the "lost and confused."
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You were correct, it took two cups of tea to get through this. The second on needed honey in it. You already know I loved this story. I wish I had a covey of sixes to place on this but I have none. Our veterans families need to read this so they understand. Please find away to get this this them. While you're doing that. I can't wait for your next story.
"Perfect," The person said. (lower case 't' needed on 'the')
"We know. How do you think you got here?" The Advocate asked. (lower case 't' needed on 'the')
The Advocate continued. "The underlying foundation of The Truth (comma after continued)
"Hmm," Lee cocked his head. ( period after Hmmm.)
The Advocate continued. "The underlying foundation of The (comma after continued)
"So, I'm not dead." Lee asked. (question mark after 'dead')
nd you haven't cared all that much for your wife, have you?" The Advocate pressed. (lower case 't' needed on 'the')
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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You were correct, it took two cups of tea to get through this. The second on needed honey in it. You already know I loved this story. I wish I had a covey of sixes to place on this but I have none. Our veterans families need to read this so they understand. Please find away to get this this them. While you're doing that. I can't wait for your next story.
"Perfect," The person said. (lower case 't' needed on 'the')
"We know. How do you think you got here?" The Advocate asked. (lower case 't' needed on 'the')
The Advocate continued. "The underlying foundation of The Truth (comma after continued)
"Hmm," Lee cocked his head. ( period after Hmmm.)
The Advocate continued. "The underlying foundation of The (comma after continued)
"So, I'm not dead." Lee asked. (question mark after 'dead')
nd you haven't cared all that much for your wife, have you?" The Advocate pressed. (lower case 't' needed on 'the')
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Barbara, for the encouragement, mentorship and eagle eye. I break all sorts of grammatical rules and even try to make up my own. For instance: The Truth. It seems important to me, might as well capitalize it, right? wrong... I could lay the blame at the feet of my Creative Writing Professor. He said, in so many words of course, "I don't care about commas and I hate exclamation points. I am more concerned about your creative mind. If you want to be an English teacher you're in the wrong class." He went on to challenge us by saying, (again loose quote) "If you hang until the quarter and decide to drop, I'll give you an 'A', for that reveals an important part of your character; critical and honest thinking."
So, in a very large way, I am indebted to you and others who expressed honest insight and respect for that which I have written. Grammar and punctuation aside, I think I have gained a few fans here at Fan Story. Yard.
Comment from Shirley McLain
If I had a six, it would be yours. Your neat death experience writing was outstanding. I enjoyed reading every word of your chapter. You brought out the intensity and feelings of the moment. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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If I had a six, it would be yours. Your neat death experience writing was outstanding. I enjoyed reading every word of your chapter. You brought out the intensity and feelings of the moment. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much, Shirley. I'll take a virtual six and call it a blessing. Yard.
Comment from Sanku
Great metaphor!. Concertina quite fits with the painful experiences of Vietnam within which a soul struggles.You succeeded in confusing and muddling the minds of reader just as you hoped that the reader would be impatient...
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Great metaphor!. Concertina quite fits with the painful experiences of Vietnam within which a soul struggles.You succeeded in confusing and muddling the minds of reader just as you hoped that the reader would be impatient...
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so very much, Sanku.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Yardier, thank you for sharing that story, I enjoy the way you write, it is very descriptive and visual, makes you feel like you're there. Though I consider myself to have a vivid imagination, I could never image what that's like. I had an uncle who served during Vietnam, when he came home he was never the same. Great job! and have a great day!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Hello Yardier, thank you for sharing that story, I enjoy the way you write, it is very descriptive and visual, makes you feel like you're there. Though I consider myself to have a vivid imagination, I could never image what that's like. I had an uncle who served during Vietnam, when he came home he was never the same. Great job! and have a great day!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you, so much. the13thposet hmm? Got to have a mystery behind that nom-de-plum. Looking forward to reading your stuff. Yard
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was beautifully written. I couldn't detect a single SPAG (in how many words?), and the description was a delight. Early on you relied on thought to propel the story on - an interesting technique that worked well.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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This was beautifully written. I couldn't detect a single SPAG (in how many words?), and the description was a delight. Early on you relied on thought to propel the story on - an interesting technique that worked well.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Katherine. I appreciate your time and review. I'm, also, very pleased you were delighted with the story. It is a great encouragement. All the best, Yard
