Final Thoughts of a Criminal
Some happened to short circuit...19 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Carol,
Have you ever noticed that many outlaws talk too much. When their jaws are flapping, their brains aren't thinking. This guy had too much to say, and he didn't see Angie haul the pistol out of her purse. A woman of the night (Pamela) needs a bodyguard at 3am. Maybe in a big city you see prostitutes every day. In our city, I think you have to know where to look. I'm 71 and I've only seen one prostitute. That was back around 15 years or so ago. She was standing on King Street in Saint John. My wife and I were just leaving a restaurant. She was begging her pimp to go into a Tim's Restaurant for a hot coffee. (It was Christmastime, and a freezing cold December afternoon.) He refused her. There she was, with the cold wind blowing off the Bay... in a mini-skirt and flimsy jacket. What a life!
Very well written, Carol! You should have saved this for a contest.
Hugs,
Kimbob
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Hi Carol,
Have you ever noticed that many outlaws talk too much. When their jaws are flapping, their brains aren't thinking. This guy had too much to say, and he didn't see Angie haul the pistol out of her purse. A woman of the night (Pamela) needs a bodyguard at 3am. Maybe in a big city you see prostitutes every day. In our city, I think you have to know where to look. I'm 71 and I've only seen one prostitute. That was back around 15 years or so ago. She was standing on King Street in Saint John. My wife and I were just leaving a restaurant. She was begging her pimp to go into a Tim's Restaurant for a hot coffee. (It was Christmastime, and a freezing cold December afternoon.) He refused her. There she was, with the cold wind blowing off the Bay... in a mini-skirt and flimsy jacket. What a life!
Very well written, Carol! You should have saved this for a contest.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
Comment from Theodore McDowell
A second killer story for me to review. What a great twist at the end with the bodyguard!!!!!!!!!! You are such a great writer with original ideas and the skills to carry the story with superb writing. Well done!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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A second killer story for me to review. What a great twist at the end with the bodyguard!!!!!!!!!! You are such a great writer with original ideas and the skills to carry the story with superb writing. Well done!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Oh, you flattered my heart and mind with your lovely thoughts and brought a smile I've been missing for days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness.
Carol
Comment from prettybluebirds
A short and action-filled story. You do dialogue in such a great manner and it takes this reader right into the story whether I want to go or not. LOL I love the ending.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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A short and action-filled story. You do dialogue in such a great manner and it takes this reader right into the story whether I want to go or not. LOL I love the ending.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much. I like when I can move a story through dialogue and show the emotions by their verbal reactions. I appreciate your kindness. Thank you!
Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
I've found that most thieves are stupid, but this one takes first prize. Shoot low sheriff, he' riding a Shetland. No he isn't. He's just on his knees holding his chest. Thanks for sharing. Have a great week!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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I've found that most thieves are stupid, but this one takes first prize. Shoot low sheriff, he' riding a Shetland. No he isn't. He's just on his knees holding his chest. Thanks for sharing. Have a great week!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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I felt like someone was trying to kill me and I was going to get the last shot! LOL He'd have to be stupid for me to get ahead of him.
Thanks for the review.... No animals harmed in this story.
Carol
Comment from dmt1967
He squeezes tighter when I try to scream, and (I) struggle to breathe. (delete) There is no need for the second (i) as the reader knows who is being attacked.
Unable to speak, I open my clutch and pull a wad of bills from inside. (My) attacker pushes my body against the car door and snarls, "No woman outsmarts me. (The) In my opinion, if you write too many possessive nouns (I think that is what they are called) it makes the story very jerky.
Thank you for sharing and take care.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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He squeezes tighter when I try to scream, and (I) struggle to breathe. (delete) There is no need for the second (i) as the reader knows who is being attacked.
Unable to speak, I open my clutch and pull a wad of bills from inside. (My) attacker pushes my body against the car door and snarls, "No woman outsmarts me. (The) In my opinion, if you write too many possessive nouns (I think that is what they are called) it makes the story very jerky.
Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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thanks for the help and your thoughts. I was in a place where I was lucky I made the words hit the paper. I appreciate the input.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Wow, that's dramatic! Strongly written story, with plenty of interest as to how she would get herself out of this predicament. Right length and amount of detail to be very engaging.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Wow, that's dramatic! Strongly written story, with plenty of interest as to how she would get herself out of this predicament. Right length and amount of detail to be very engaging.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Leaving one evil and turning to face another and another, yet always hoping for an escape route... maybe not the best of thoughts but at least it got the brain moving. LOL
Carol
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I think I am a little bit confused about the subject, so is she an escort or a villan? Or she is also the bodyguard. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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I think I am a little bit confused about the subject, so is she an escort or a villan? Or she is also the bodyguard. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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She's both Iza... her life is a bag of many tricks and we aren't sure what will jump out. isn't that life in general? What we think is around the corner or where we are headed turns out to be be something totally different. One of my darker moments!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good writing.
But what about her money????????????????
Why did she try to scream? Her later tone reflects total confidence. Maybe for the shock/surprise effect of the reader?
Good luck.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Good writing.
But what about her money????????????????
Why did she try to scream? Her later tone reflects total confidence. Maybe for the shock/surprise effect of the reader?
Good luck.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the kind review and your thoughts on the story. Maybe her scream was to put her attacker's mind on her response instead of the one approaching behind him? She definitely expected the bodyguard to be her clean up crew.
Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
A great short story, with a surprise ending. Good thing the woman has a bodyguard! You didn't say whether she grabbed her money back; it seems like a lot of bills to leave with a dead person. Pamela/Angie is well described in this short tale. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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A great short story, with a surprise ending. Good thing the woman has a bodyguard! You didn't say whether she grabbed her money back; it seems like a lot of bills to leave with a dead person. Pamela/Angie is well described in this short tale. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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I think she thought her bodyguard was the cleanup man and would get the money back for her. She seemed a bit arrogant. LOL
Hugs, CArol
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You're great at writing stories with a surprise twist. Keep up the good work.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is a great flash fiction. Why didn't you submit this piece to it. It's a piece of fiction with a surprise in the end, a classic flash fiction. Your writing flows well and characterization is great. I enjoy reading our work.
Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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This is a great flash fiction. Why didn't you submit this piece to it. It's a piece of fiction with a surprise in the end, a classic flash fiction. Your writing flows well and characterization is great. I enjoy reading our work.
Well done.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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I didn't know there was a flash fiction contest, but the contests don't do much for me anyways. I just write whatever I am feeling at the moment and hope others enjoy it. Thanks for the kind review.
Hugs, CArol
