Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Time to Pray."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
12 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Korea generated a cohort of orphans that were unofficially adopted by some of the troops. These favored ones were prominent in their child's western wear complete with cowboy-styled clothing, boots. hats and gun belts with holsters and cap guns.
Brother Archer is a thoroughly intriguing element here.
The sad part of our wars is that they were all so needless. Historically, you can reach back and see the precursors where a small effort would have prevented catastrophe.
Unfortunately, there is the human factor of greed and too often acquisitiveness amplified politically. The apathy of those who could have acted to prevent these upheavals was such a factor, too.
Have you seen the 1950 movie, "Twelve O'Clock High?" A commander is so focused on a mission he has sent his squadron on, knowing men will die, that he becomes catatonic.
Unfortunately, his contemporaries do not know what to do with him.
It is drama, though as happens, the mind can prepare a scenario that requires the individual to become a part of this aberration.
This is your universe in the theater of the mind and you are tending it well.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
  |
Korea generated a cohort of orphans that were unofficially adopted by some of the troops. These favored ones were prominent in their child's western wear complete with cowboy-styled clothing, boots. hats and gun belts with holsters and cap guns.
Brother Archer is a thoroughly intriguing element here.
The sad part of our wars is that they were all so needless. Historically, you can reach back and see the precursors where a small effort would have prevented catastrophe.
Unfortunately, there is the human factor of greed and too often acquisitiveness amplified politically. The apathy of those who could have acted to prevent these upheavals was such a factor, too.
Have you seen the 1950 movie, "Twelve O'Clock High?" A commander is so focused on a mission he has sent his squadron on, knowing men will die, that he becomes catatonic.
Unfortunately, his contemporaries do not know what to do with him.
It is drama, though as happens, the mind can prepare a scenario that requires the individual to become a part of this aberration.
This is your universe in the theater of the mind and you are tending it well.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
-
Thank you, Fan. I appreciate your insight and quick review of 12 o'clock High. It has my interest.
Some where along the way a window open, providing me with views of the drama surrounding us. I disregarded it for most of my life until I was chastised for telling stories and not writing them down.
Reviewers, such as your self, have been instrumental in helping me to 'hone the craft', as they say. Thanks again.
-
When you have an audience that listens to what you say and understands the reasoning behind those thoughts; you have communication.
Comment from royowen
While Lee is away in Vietnam, Brother Archer prays for him, when Dawn shows him the painting. When I was a new Christian, I threw away my sporting trophies and a great collection of science fiction, seems almost silly, but, in a sense, they were part of my past life, also drinking, gambling and smoking, I only recently understood why, they were blockages to complete surrender, I sometimes write abstract things which make me wonder where they come from, we have no idea what dwells in us, until the Spirit calls them out. Beautifully written James, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
 |
While Lee is away in Vietnam, Brother Archer prays for him, when Dawn shows him the painting. When I was a new Christian, I threw away my sporting trophies and a great collection of science fiction, seems almost silly, but, in a sense, they were part of my past life, also drinking, gambling and smoking, I only recently understood why, they were blockages to complete surrender, I sometimes write abstract things which make me wonder where they come from, we have no idea what dwells in us, until the Spirit calls them out. Beautifully written James, blessings Roy
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
-
Thank you, Roy. I know what you mean. When I was a young carpenter, I finally got my contractors license. When I gave notice to my boss I was leaving, I gathered up every single rusty nail out of my truck bed in order that no one could call me a thief. Lol.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I like this scene and the interaction between Brother Archer and Dawn. Brother Archer's interpretation of the picture helps Dawn see more depth to life and feel less fearful. Then I started wondering if Lee is in the hospital and never went to Viet Nam. Actually I never could figure out how he got to Viet Nam without a passport in the first place. If it's all a nightmare, it makes more sense.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
I like this scene and the interaction between Brother Archer and Dawn. Brother Archer's interpretation of the picture helps Dawn see more depth to life and feel less fearful. Then I started wondering if Lee is in the hospital and never went to Viet Nam. Actually I never could figure out how he got to Viet Nam without a passport in the first place. If it's all a nightmare, it makes more sense.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Yes, Carol it is a nightmare of sorts, a complicated one that challenges us all. But more so for those who suffer from PTSD and addiction issues. I'm glad you're still hanging in there with the story.
I didn't want to write a story that sensationalized a troubled veteran. I have five veteran friends who committed suicide. I wanted to write a story that revealed the confusion they faced in hopes that loved ones and close friends could see the beginning of the breakdown of a veteran suffering from PTSD. Too often we side step the veterans awkward behavior. This is tragic but true: twenty plus veterans commit suicide every day. It is a terrible tragedy.
-
Actually I have lost some friends that served in Viet Nam to suicide. It seemed as if the ones who talked about it and got help did well. The ones who wouldn't talk and wanted to believe nothing was wrong died. I really like your story.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great writing. Good job.
It shouldn't matter whether the reviewer agrees with the sentiment, or position, of a piece is concerned. An atheist should be able review a religious writing, as well as a Christian, a secular piece. That said. I really like this piece.
"and placed gently them on the knarred branch" - next to last line.
God Bless.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
Great writing. Good job.
It shouldn't matter whether the reviewer agrees with the sentiment, or position, of a piece is concerned. An atheist should be able review a religious writing, as well as a Christian, a secular piece. That said. I really like this piece.
"and placed gently them on the knarred branch" - next to last line.
God Bless.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Thank you, Wayne. I watched too much football yesterday and missed some obvious errors. Thank you for pointing it out. The change has been made. I agree with your understanding, I don't take exception if my doctor is a non-believer or Muslim, just as long as his only experience has not been as an auto mechanic.
Comment from Susan Newell
Yard,
You took me completely by surprise with this chapter. Of course, I thought Lee really was in Vietnam (and in a way he is). Hallucinations within hallucinations. This just screams authenticity. I am warming up to Brother Archer. The analysis of the painting is terrific -- the bony hand being a metaphor for Lee reaching out to be pulled up from the hell that encompasses him; the new life beginning to sprout from the rot. Exceptional writing.
Sue
The doctor asked him if, he was positive. -- don't see the need for the comma
experience something called Delirium Tremens combined with Hypnopompic hallucinations -- I don't think diseases are capitalized
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
Yard,
You took me completely by surprise with this chapter. Of course, I thought Lee really was in Vietnam (and in a way he is). Hallucinations within hallucinations. This just screams authenticity. I am warming up to Brother Archer. The analysis of the painting is terrific -- the bony hand being a metaphor for Lee reaching out to be pulled up from the hell that encompasses him; the new life beginning to sprout from the rot. Exceptional writing.
Sue
The doctor asked him if, he was positive. -- don't see the need for the comma
experience something called Delirium Tremens combined with Hypnopompic hallucinations -- I don't think diseases are capitalized
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Smile - Sue, we're going in for the deep dive now. And I am so pleased you were caught off guard and now understand the thread.
I went back and added a final paragraph to Time to Pray. I think you'll like it. Yard.
Brother Archer stepped aside as Dawn walked gently to the painting. She stood for a moment taking in the whole picture, the clarity of the blue sky, the crispness of the snowcapped mountains, and the power of the waterfall. She took a deep breath as if she could smell the wildflowers reaching to the sun, then exhaled with relief at the sensation of pure mountain water quenching her thirst. Then, she kissed the tips of her forefingers and placed them gently on the knarred branch and whispered, "Lee, please, I?m waiting for you."
-
You are welcome. Indeed, I do like the additional paragraph.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Having fathered a child in Vietnam would put Lee and Dawn in difficult situations. Dawn may struggle to deal with Lee having another child and going back. Lee would be eaten alive inside every day wondering if the child is okay and what he could do to makes the child's life better. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
Having fathered a child in Vietnam would put Lee and Dawn in difficult situations. Dawn may struggle to deal with Lee having another child and going back. Lee would be eaten alive inside every day wondering if the child is okay and what he could do to makes the child's life better. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Thanks RicMeister!
Comment from chatterbox1
This is some powerful stuff, Yard!. It brought back so much of the uncertainty, fear, frustrated anger, and pain. I feel like throwing up.
I want to help...I want help...Neither is happening. So tired of crying.
My life raft is making up stories based on a silly cat a friend dumped on me. Which is weird because I don't like cats! Wyggams taught me how to help myself--giving others a smile makes me happy.
Your writing skill rocks,
Carol
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
This is some powerful stuff, Yard!. It brought back so much of the uncertainty, fear, frustrated anger, and pain. I feel like throwing up.
I want to help...I want help...Neither is happening. So tired of crying.
My life raft is making up stories based on a silly cat a friend dumped on me. Which is weird because I don't like cats! Wyggams taught me how to help myself--giving others a smile makes me happy.
Your writing skill rocks,
Carol
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Wyggams! Mr. Wyggams? Sounds like a perfect friend. It also sounds like the name of a character in a story. Cat ?......... Banker.......?
Teacher? I don't know. But I think children would like it.
Thanks for the 'Rocks' endorsement. Yard
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a real tear jerky, Yard, from the point of view of Lee's wife. You've done a great job of filling in a little background of where Lee was before he ended up in Vietnam. For a while I thought maybe he hadn't really gone in body, just in mind. She needed that visit from Brother Archer to help her see what she'd been missing. Well done.
Just a couple of little things:
1. How's he doing? Brother Archer asked. - quotation marks missing
2. "give him a sponge bath and gown and get him in (into) bed."
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
This is a real tear jerky, Yard, from the point of view of Lee's wife. You've done a great job of filling in a little background of where Lee was before he ended up in Vietnam. For a while I thought maybe he hadn't really gone in body, just in mind. She needed that visit from Brother Archer to help her see what she'd been missing. Well done.
Just a couple of little things:
1. How's he doing? Brother Archer asked. - quotation marks missing
2. "give him a sponge bath and gown and get him in (into) bed."
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Thanks, Judy. Suggestions noted. I went back and added a closing paragraph. I think you'll like it.
Smile - Sue, we're going in for the deep dive now. And I am so pleased you were caught off guard and now understand the thread.
I went back and added a final paragraph to Time to Pray. I think you'll like it. Yard.
Brother Archer stepped aside as Dawn walked gently to the painting. She stood for a moment taking in the whole picture, the clarity of the blue sky, the crispness of the snowcapped mountains, and the power of the waterfall. She took a deep breath as if she could smell the wildflowers reaching to the sun, then exhaled with relief at the sensation of pure mountain water quenching her thirst. Then, she kissed the tips of her forefingers and placed them gently on the knarred branch and whispered, "Lee, please, I?m waiting for you."
-
Beautiful, Yard. I?ll take a look at the other chapter.
-
I misunderstood your reply. I thought you meant you?d added to another one. Lol ignore the last sentence of my last reply.
-
That's okay, sometimes I don't even know what I mean.... lol
-
Lol. I hear you!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So Lee's entire trip back to Viet Nam is in his imagination. OH MY!!!!! I can't wait for the rest. I am going to have to get another cup of tea.
An unfamiliar voice inquired. "Mrs. Morason?" "Mrs. Morason, I have coffee and bagels." (comma needed after 'inquired')
"Yes." Brother Archer answered. (comma after 'Yes'. You can almost have a comma after 'answered' too. That's up to you.)
How's he doing? Brother Archer asked. (missing beginning quotation and ending marks)
The doctor asked him about the woman, her name, and if he knew whether she still lived in Saigon. (missing beginning quotation marks)
Did Lee try to leave? Brother Archer asked. (missing beginning quotation and ending marks)
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
So Lee's entire trip back to Viet Nam is in his imagination. OH MY!!!!! I can't wait for the rest. I am going to have to get another cup of tea.
An unfamiliar voice inquired. "Mrs. Morason?" "Mrs. Morason, I have coffee and bagels." (comma needed after 'inquired')
"Yes." Brother Archer answered. (comma after 'Yes'. You can almost have a comma after 'answered' too. That's up to you.)
How's he doing? Brother Archer asked. (missing beginning quotation and ending marks)
The doctor asked him about the woman, her name, and if he knew whether she still lived in Saigon. (missing beginning quotation marks)
Did Lee try to leave? Brother Archer asked. (missing beginning quotation and ending marks)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
I did miss a lot of punctuation, right? I was tired from watching football all day, lol!
Yep, hallucinations within hallucinations. Devils, demons and angels.
I'm sure the readers will appreciate an in depth glossary, road map and epilogue. It will provide an incentive to go back and re-read to get a different perspective. Similar to putting a puzzle together.
I went back an added a closing paragraph. I think you'll like it.
Smile - Sue, we're going in for the deep dive now. And I am so pleased you were caught off guard and now understand the thread.
I went back and added a final paragraph to Time to Pray. I think you'll like it. Yard.
Brother Archer stepped aside as Dawn walked gently to the painting. She stood for a moment taking in the whole picture, the clarity of the blue sky, the crispness of the snowcapped mountains, and the power of the waterfall. She took a deep breath as if she could smell the wildflowers reaching to the sun, then exhaled with relief at the sensation of pure mountain water quenching her thirst. Then, she kissed the tips of her forefingers and placed them gently on the knarred branch and whispered, "Lee, please, I?m waiting for you."
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
You have dual threaded cotton (metaphorically speaking), one is the hub - Concertina and the other one is the movement the characters do take to carry on; moreover, complex spark of conduct - Vietnam combat veteran motivated by the psychological and spiritual entanglement; here comes the time to pray, as brother Archer visits Dawn; evident is the consequence; there is invisible activator in each life; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
|
You have dual threaded cotton (metaphorically speaking), one is the hub - Concertina and the other one is the movement the characters do take to carry on; moreover, complex spark of conduct - Vietnam combat veteran motivated by the psychological and spiritual entanglement; here comes the time to pray, as brother Archer visits Dawn; evident is the consequence; there is invisible activator in each life; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
-
Thank you once again, AL, for the review. I am glad you do see the complexity of the psychological and spiritual. There is healing for both, as you know, and that healing is right around the corner for Lee. Stay tuned. Yard
