The Writings of a Mouse
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Him"Pieces of my Heart
23 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I pray this is fiction though I know how often this actually occurs, Sad that poor choices made stain a soul and memories forever and dull the joy good times are suppose to impose. I liked Cooper better.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
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I pray this is fiction though I know how often this actually occurs, Sad that poor choices made stain a soul and memories forever and dull the joy good times are suppose to impose. I liked Cooper better.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the excellent review! It is fiction based on some fact sadly. It is sad. I?m glad you enjoyed Copper! Thank so much for reading!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Wonderful!! I was with her pushing that knife in his neck, and helping her and her aunt to bury him! It was the perfect ending for that toerag! I'm pleased you won, it was well deserved. Congratulations. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Wonderful!! I was with her pushing that knife in his neck, and helping her and her aunt to bury him! It was the perfect ending for that toerag! I'm pleased you won, it was well deserved. Congratulations. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Ha! Ha! So nice to have a fan who hates my villain as much as me! Thank you for the great review!
Comment from Shirley McLain
Molestation is so terrible, and alcohol could be banned as far as I'm concerned. That substance has ruined many lives. You did a wonderful job with this story. I can see why you're a winner. Have a great afternoon. Shirley
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Molestation is so terrible, and alcohol could be banned as far as I'm concerned. That substance has ruined many lives. You did a wonderful job with this story. I can see why you're a winner. Have a great afternoon. Shirley
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much Shirley! I appreciate the congratulations and I wholeheartedly agree with your comments.
Comment from Sydney McMurray
The author is fearless in her style of writing that seeks to entertain as well as shine light on subject matter that needs to be addressed in our society. The story becomes a catalyst for healing for those who have been subjected to molestation in their lives. I would love to read more from this talented author.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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The author is fearless in her style of writing that seeks to entertain as well as shine light on subject matter that needs to be addressed in our society. The story becomes a catalyst for healing for those who have been subjected to molestation in their lives. I would love to read more from this talented author.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind and insightful review Sydney! I am honored!
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Romona Agin, WOW I'm literally speechless right now. Your story was very well written and it kept me engaged. As a child of an abusive father I can definitely relate to the story, thoughts like that often entered my mind as a young battered child, ultimately I just ended up running away. Thanks for sharing your work, it was Awesome!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Hello Romona Agin, WOW I'm literally speechless right now. Your story was very well written and it kept me engaged. As a child of an abusive father I can definitely relate to the story, thoughts like that often entered my mind as a young battered child, ultimately I just ended up running away. Thanks for sharing your work, it was Awesome!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Wow! Thank you so much for the great review and my deepest sympathies for what you had to endure during your childhood. My mother?s experience was my inspiration for this story. She never confronted her abuser either but I did it for her.
Comment from Thatguypk
Congratulations on being a contest winner with this piece. It's a difficult read, due to the cruelty of the perpetrator of the torture, and as you correctly sum up, it's really a fable of a brave child slaying an ogre. It's the mental torture that is truly unforgivable.
PK
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Congratulations on being a contest winner with this piece. It's a difficult read, due to the cruelty of the perpetrator of the torture, and as you correctly sum up, it's really a fable of a brave child slaying an ogre. It's the mental torture that is truly unforgivable.
PK
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for the congratulations and for the kind review. I know it?s a sensitive subject. I am hope you enjoyed the story though.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Stars for the awareness story. Sarah was brave. I'm surprised
the parents didn't come by and check on the daughter. The
aunt got pushed around. Why did they sleep together?
There is too much abuse. Stories need to come out. Good writing.
flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Stars for the awareness story. Sarah was brave. I'm surprised
the parents didn't come by and check on the daughter. The
aunt got pushed around. Why did they sleep together?
There is too much abuse. Stories need to come out. Good writing.
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for you kind review! I am honored!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are a very good writer and tell a good tale. However you need to work on composition. When someone is talking, everything a person says is in the same sentence unless someone else says something. The quote marks go at the beginning of what that person says and at the end of the last word. What a person says belong in a paragraph. When someone else speaks, you start a new paragraph. Sentences in paragraphs follow like train cars with no breaks except the one space at the end of each sentence. A child wouldn't know about a fugue state, she would just see the world go black and then come back later. "Suddenly he lunged at her . . . should be a new paragraph in the same tense as all the rest of the story. Here you slip into I and me. I'm is the correct spelling. Good luck with this. I will look at it again after you go to "my post" and "edit? if you want me to look at it again. You are a good writer.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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You are a very good writer and tell a good tale. However you need to work on composition. When someone is talking, everything a person says is in the same sentence unless someone else says something. The quote marks go at the beginning of what that person says and at the end of the last word. What a person says belong in a paragraph. When someone else speaks, you start a new paragraph. Sentences in paragraphs follow like train cars with no breaks except the one space at the end of each sentence. A child wouldn't know about a fugue state, she would just see the world go black and then come back later. "Suddenly he lunged at her . . . should be a new paragraph in the same tense as all the rest of the story. Here you slip into I and me. I'm is the correct spelling. Good luck with this. I will look at it again after you go to "my post" and "edit? if you want me to look at it again. You are a good writer.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and for all of your suggestions. I?m not sure if I am allowed to edit during the contest phase but I will try. I appreciate the feedback and the compliment.
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Yes, you can edit up until the last day or so, but must be done before the day contest ends.
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Hi. I found that out and have been editing as my time permits. I appreciate your feedback and help!
Comment from MissMerri
I think this could have been a very good story. You obviously have excellent story-telling skills as far as selecting good descriptive words and creating strong images, but you ruined the story for me when you switched back and forth between first person and third. Please tell a story in one or the other, but not both. This is the kind of story that would draw many sympathetic votes, because none of us want to see an innocent child molested, but Sarah could have handled the situation differently too. If she was old enough to muck the stalls and milk the cow and do so many farm chores, then she must have been old enough to refuse to sleep in the same bed with an aunt and uncle. That seemed rather strange to me. But... I wish you luck anyway in this contest, and hope you will have the desire to rewrite your story so that it is more consistent. It actually has the potential to become a very good story. MM
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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I think this could have been a very good story. You obviously have excellent story-telling skills as far as selecting good descriptive words and creating strong images, but you ruined the story for me when you switched back and forth between first person and third. Please tell a story in one or the other, but not both. This is the kind of story that would draw many sympathetic votes, because none of us want to see an innocent child molested, but Sarah could have handled the situation differently too. If she was old enough to muck the stalls and milk the cow and do so many farm chores, then she must have been old enough to refuse to sleep in the same bed with an aunt and uncle. That seemed rather strange to me. But... I wish you luck anyway in this contest, and hope you will have the desire to rewrite your story so that it is more consistent. It actually has the potential to become a very good story. MM
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your review and for the honest feedback. I did not notice when I wrote the story that I went from first person to third. I appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I think this is a very good story of honorable revenge. I think it should do well in the contest, good luck. Sometimes things end and all is well. There are also times when people get what they deserve and sometimes that is peace and a way forward. Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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I think this is a very good story of honorable revenge. I think it should do well in the contest, good luck. Sometimes things end and all is well. There are also times when people get what they deserve and sometimes that is peace and a way forward. Good job.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for your great review and words of encouragement!
