Literary Warfare
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Literary Warfare"Friendly competition too oft with deadly results.
15 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an extremely interesting First Book Chapter. You are an extremely clever, observant writer, turning my own words against me (a plotless novel), and I enjoyed the description of the way the workshop played out. For me this was a borderline 5/6 but you can't move up on this site after revision and I am feeling generous tonight so you got my last 6 of the week. But what would I like to see fixed:
1° I don't understand the discussion of finding the workshop / Eureka ad - shorten and tighten up
2° There is no indication in the chapter which is the rising star, and which the hanger on. Either add something, or remove this spoiler from the authors note.
Potential SPAGs for your consideration:
This is cumbersome >
What Jerry didn't offer was that Diane's heritage sprang from Europe far later than his people were all bona fide, card-carrying southerners.
material, what they were most proud of, > material that they were most proud of,
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2022
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This is an extremely interesting First Book Chapter. You are an extremely clever, observant writer, turning my own words against me (a plotless novel), and I enjoyed the description of the way the workshop played out. For me this was a borderline 5/6 but you can't move up on this site after revision and I am feeling generous tonight so you got my last 6 of the week. But what would I like to see fixed:
1° I don't understand the discussion of finding the workshop / Eureka ad - shorten and tighten up
2° There is no indication in the chapter which is the rising star, and which the hanger on. Either add something, or remove this spoiler from the authors note.
Potential SPAGs for your consideration:
This is cumbersome >
What Jerry didn't offer was that Diane's heritage sprang from Europe far later than his people were all bona fide, card-carrying southerners.
material, what they were most proud of, > material that they were most proud of,
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2022
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Thank you very much. Too often writers get pumped up, but not actually reviewed ... and helped.
I chuckle (sort of) at your #2. A writer could claim that was a deliberate effort to get a reader to turn the page.
Being an amateur writer, suggestions to 'tighten up', while perfectly understandable to students and pros, ... But thank you. Prob'ly my revision will result in 'tightening up' and I won't even know it. (smiley face here)
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OK, tighten up means it wanders around and the reader can't follow the mini plot at that particular point. Think of your story line, indicate to yourself the points to follow and write just joining up the dots. It should come out much more clearly. Another trick is to try reading bits out loud. If you stumble, so will your reader. Look more carefully at the structure at that point.
In return a question for you. A few clubs fell by the wayside through people leaving the site. I am planning to revive one. Would you rather see editing and revision class 101 club appear, or Let's craft longer short stories. Thanks in advance for your answer. Kate xx
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Thank you. Finally some clarity! I love when people speak English - words put together that I can understand.
Yes, but ... I would like a site that offers more than flash fiction or first chapters. But, I would want the site to be a large enough group that odds would be that there would almost always be pieces that would be of interest, and if someone took a week or two off there would be nothing to review.
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I try, I try! Here there are always things to review - you just have to work out how to find them. Make a fan-following list, who will be your real friends. Do return reviewing, but also a bit of chatting when possible / follow featured-well received stories and poems / comb through the up next list / read contests up for vote, and vote / join a club ... then there's a separate list to help you improve your writing
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A lot more to this site than I thought. It's like learning one of the new board games that my son wears me out with.
Comment from Dr. Nad
I find this to be a very intriguing piece. From the very beginning you walked us down the slow intentional path of character development through engaging banter. This intellectual verbal gymnastics continued to be a prized focus of interest for them as well as your reader. Very well-written informative dialogue. Thanks for sharing, One thing. The font was challenging for me.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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I find this to be a very intriguing piece. From the very beginning you walked us down the slow intentional path of character development through engaging banter. This intellectual verbal gymnastics continued to be a prized focus of interest for them as well as your reader. Very well-written informative dialogue. Thanks for sharing, One thing. The font was challenging for me.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thank you from my depths! Great review.
I'll try to change the font - not sure if I can at this point.
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My Privilege to Review and Pleasure to Review.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Literally Warfare"
Two opposing forces and when they shall meet?
Two opposing forces and when they shall greet?
...
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
PS: It remind me when I used to be married!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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"Literally Warfare"
Two opposing forces and when they shall meet?
Two opposing forces and when they shall greet?
...
This was well written rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
PS: It remind me when I used to be married!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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The lady reaches fabulous success, putting a real strain on the relationship. Fortunately, there's a nice 'Hollywood' ending. Thank you for reading and for your very kind and generous comments.
Comment from royowen
You'd think that writers definitely had something "going" or at least that mutuality where they had common ground, but if one had success and the other didn't that could be awkward. Fortunately my wife is a linguist rather than a writer, this is a most interesting basis for a book, both overcoming the differences in their lives. And perhaps coming to a mutual ".happening. Great bad for a story. Well done, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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You'd think that writers definitely had something "going" or at least that mutuality where they had common ground, but if one had success and the other didn't that could be awkward. Fortunately my wife is a linguist rather than a writer, this is a most interesting basis for a book, both overcoming the differences in their lives. And perhaps coming to a mutual ".happening. Great bad for a story. Well done, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thank you. Yeah, she reaches stardom, and he hangs on as long as he can and keep any dignity. It has a happy, Hollywood ending, though.
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That sounds right
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Thank you.
Fortunately, it all works out in the end.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I like how you juggle between the writing bursts and the love in disguise plot, that obviously goes through lots of "revisions." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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I like how you juggle between the writing bursts and the love in disguise plot, that obviously goes through lots of "revisions." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thank you! (And I didn't even know that I was juggling.)
