Hair today ...
Big deal23 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent entry for the Family Story (true) writing prompt. It shows caring, compassionate actions. Important values in a rushed, egocentric world.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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This is an excellent entry for the Family Story (true) writing prompt. It shows caring, compassionate actions. Important values in a rushed, egocentric world.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Thank you Katherine for reviewing. I always appreciate it. Yes, this world has too many who rush and don't care.
Wendy
Comment from LisaMay
That certainly is an admirable decision for Rebecca and Ellie. You've written the story well - the inclusion of short phrases adds to the impact. What a scourge cancer is; I am so sorry for all your losses - that ongoing list is horrendous.
Suggestions:
The following sentence feels a bit disjointed with so many commas:
My friend's daughter, aged twenty, wears a wig, in place of her own lustrous long hair, now gone.
Perhaps it could be improved by a rearrangement:
My friend's twenty-year-old daughter wears a wig in place of her own lustrous long hair, now gone.
Knowing some-one cares enough (I don't think some-one needs to be hyphenated)
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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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That certainly is an admirable decision for Rebecca and Ellie. You've written the story well - the inclusion of short phrases adds to the impact. What a scourge cancer is; I am so sorry for all your losses - that ongoing list is horrendous.
Suggestions:
The following sentence feels a bit disjointed with so many commas:
My friend's daughter, aged twenty, wears a wig, in place of her own lustrous long hair, now gone.
Perhaps it could be improved by a rearrangement:
My friend's twenty-year-old daughter wears a wig in place of her own lustrous long hair, now gone.
Knowing some-one cares enough (I don't think some-one needs to be hyphenated)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful, thorough and astute response, and for the suggestions, which do improve the piece, and I have adopted them. I really appreciate your encouragement and support.
Wendy
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My pleasure. It is a great story.
Comment from lindafisher
This is such a heartwarming story of these two strong brave young women. People like them help us all keep faith in the human race. I can see why you are so proud. X
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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This is such a heartwarming story of these two strong brave young women. People like them help us all keep faith in the human race. I can see why you are so proud. X
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Thank you Linda! What a lovely review. Appreciated!
Wendy
