Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Lee ventures inside the bunker."Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
9 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
Master Yardier:
Must say that the first instance of seeing concertina in your post was a flash impression of the mini squeezebox.
I think Mexico, as an anti-intrusion measure, has the more decorative glass shards strewn over the wall tops.
Sometimes, your writing has the effect of a sociologist observing behaviors.
The interesting part is the feeling of involvement. The details of people and their actions and reactions with detailed surroundings place an immediacy to the narrative.
Hard to believe that Vietnam is now a playground for international tourists in search of a cheap vacation in an exotic SE Asian nation.
Considering the numbers of casualties suffered by unexploded ordnance
one wonders why.
Nicely done, Fantasist
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Master Yardier:
Must say that the first instance of seeing concertina in your post was a flash impression of the mini squeezebox.
I think Mexico, as an anti-intrusion measure, has the more decorative glass shards strewn over the wall tops.
Sometimes, your writing has the effect of a sociologist observing behaviors.
The interesting part is the feeling of involvement. The details of people and their actions and reactions with detailed surroundings place an immediacy to the narrative.
Hard to believe that Vietnam is now a playground for international tourists in search of a cheap vacation in an exotic SE Asian nation.
Considering the numbers of casualties suffered by unexploded ordnance
one wonders why.
Nicely done, Fantasist
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Fan, for observing the observer (;-)
Most of us who served in Vietnam would not recognize the Hawaii of S.E. Asia. Modern sea ports, international hotels and flourishing commerce. Not bad for a Communist nation. Yard.
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I might have known that if anyone could have brought service members together with surfers it would have been you. Takes me back to some teen age days when Navy, Marines, and surfers would come together around Imperial Beach. Come together are the wrong words, we fought like mad dogs. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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I might have known that if anyone could have brought service members together with surfers it would have been you. Takes me back to some teen age days when Navy, Marines, and surfers would come together around Imperial Beach. Come together are the wrong words, we fought like mad dogs. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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And.... I might have known you would be the one to pick up on it. (;-)
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is another great chapter, Yard. It gives us more insight into what things were like in the cities for US veterans. The dialogue is real. I wonder just what Lee will find. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This is another great chapter, Yard. It gives us more insight into what things were like in the cities for US veterans. The dialogue is real. I wonder just what Lee will find. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Judy!
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You're welcome, Yard.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So Lee is in danger. He might be thought of as an informate instead of somebody looking for his former girl friend. Hmmm, this gets better and better.
"SHUFFLE TO THE DOOR MAGGOTS!" (comma after 'DOOR')
"Surfers," a leathered face next to Lee exclaimed with a tired stream of cigarette smoke (face beside Lee)
Zip continued. "Believe it or not, in '74, (comma needed after continued)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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So Lee is in danger. He might be thought of as an informate instead of somebody looking for his former girl friend. Hmmm, this gets better and better.
"SHUFFLE TO THE DOOR MAGGOTS!" (comma after 'DOOR')
"Surfers," a leathered face next to Lee exclaimed with a tired stream of cigarette smoke (face beside Lee)
Zip continued. "Believe it or not, in '74, (comma needed after continued)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Barbara. Yes, Lee is in trouble. He is heading to a place where he does not want to be, yet, he must go there. Yard.
Comment from Susan Newell
I've revised to add notes.
Yard,
What a fascinating in-depth look into the first few hours of returning to Vietnam. I feel that am am being both entertained and educated. I could get most of the jargon from context and previous tales of the time. Superb writing as usual, with the little "extras" that make it all seem so real. I have made some editing/proofing notes below.
Sue
Lee ventures inside the bunker.-- Bunker?
Villas, plywood, and plastic-covered lean-tos -- don't understand comma after plywood, which isn't parallel with villas, etc. Is it modifying lean-tos, or are they plywood hovels, e.g.?
pushed to the ground, but the Security guard did ==> security
Lee stood for a moment staring at the backside of the gate, wondering from where the security Guard learned such duty and kindness? -- not a question; ==> guard
"More like zero's..." ==> zeroes
I thought I found another statement with a question mark, but after several skimmings I can't seem to find it again.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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I've revised to add notes.
Yard,
What a fascinating in-depth look into the first few hours of returning to Vietnam. I feel that am am being both entertained and educated. I could get most of the jargon from context and previous tales of the time. Superb writing as usual, with the little "extras" that make it all seem so real. I have made some editing/proofing notes below.
Sue
Lee ventures inside the bunker.-- Bunker?
Villas, plywood, and plastic-covered lean-tos -- don't understand comma after plywood, which isn't parallel with villas, etc. Is it modifying lean-tos, or are they plywood hovels, e.g.?
pushed to the ground, but the Security guard did ==> security
Lee stood for a moment staring at the backside of the gate, wondering from where the security Guard learned such duty and kindness? -- not a question; ==> guard
"More like zero's..." ==> zeroes
I thought I found another statement with a question mark, but after several skimmings I can't seem to find it again.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Susan. I appreciate you review and look forward to your proofing notes, it appears they were not included. Thanks again, Yard
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Oops. They didn't transfer. I'll try to go back in the morning and reconstruct them. I think I found a couple of typo and punctuation things, as well as pulled out some stellar sentences.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Well-written and colorful. It doesn't seem as if Lee understands he could be in trouble. The hotel had been such a pleasant place but now reality is intruding.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Well-written and colorful. It doesn't seem as if Lee understands he could be in trouble. The hotel had been such a pleasant place but now reality is intruding.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Carol. Yes, Lee is in trouble. He is heading to a place where he does not want to be, yet, he must go there. Yard.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous. Raw and vivid. SSSSSSunning imagery and intense interaction masterfully rendered. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Pagoda's=>PAGODAS, Colonial French Villa's=>VILLAS,
"Eh, sure." Lee shook his hand and said, "Lee Morason, they just called me Lee.
Sugg: REMOVE LINE BREAK before next sentence--confusing as to who is speaking. Seems as if Zip is asking it!
Why not Zep?
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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SSSSSStupendous. Raw and vivid. SSSSSSunning imagery and intense interaction masterfully rendered. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Pagoda's=>PAGODAS, Colonial French Villa's=>VILLAS,
"Eh, sure." Lee shook his hand and said, "Lee Morason, they just called me Lee.
Sugg: REMOVE LINE BREAK before next sentence--confusing as to who is speaking. Seems as if Zip is asking it!
Why not Zep?
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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I always appreciate your contribution, Liz. Thank you for the 6. Yard.
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Well desssssserved.
Comment from Earl Corp
This was pretty in depth and has a ring of truth to it. I'm sure there were some guys that stayed in nam after the fall for the reason Zep did. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy in the new year.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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This was pretty in depth and has a ring of truth to it. I'm sure there were some guys that stayed in nam after the fall for the reason Zep did. Very nice job. Stay safe and stay healthy in the new year.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Yes sir. Thank you for the review and have a prosperous New Year.
Yard.
Comment from royowen
My guess is you've left Vietnam a long way behind you, but it left a trench in your heart. I think if I'd have had a child by a Vietnamese girl, I would look for her until I'd turned up every piece of refuse I could find. You've got me in to this story, now my friend, there's nothing like a quest to motivate the reader. Well done, great episode, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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My guess is you've left Vietnam a long way behind you, but it left a trench in your heart. I think if I'd have had a child by a Vietnamese girl, I would look for her until I'd turned up every piece of refuse I could find. You've got me in to this story, now my friend, there's nothing like a quest to motivate the reader. Well done, great episode, blessings Roy
Comment Written 02-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2022
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Yes, my friend, it did leave a trench, but, Christ filled it with love, compassion and wisdom. It is why I write this story. Yard.
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Praise God for what He?s done, my life too
