THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 96 "Crime Scene"The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
6 total reviews
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story my friend! The storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece;-) Well written and well thought out!
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family this New Years ahead;-)
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Excellent story my friend! The storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece;-) Well written and well thought out!
Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family this New Years ahead;-)
Comment Written 30-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2022
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Thanks so much, Melodie :)
So thrilled you enjoyed the chapter. It was fun to create. I had a blessed New Year. Hope you did too!
Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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;-)
Comment from AJ McCall
O-KAY! That was a perfect ending. Well, not that I wanted Joseph to get hit but now he can get help... IF the Shadow doesn't possess him now and try to kill the detectives or the EMTs. (Or you could be writing that in, inspired by my review, lol) I don't think I can't wait until Monday!!!!!! I have to know if the Breedline will be contacted so they can get that thing out of Joseph.
I have one suggestion; you could put a question mark at the end of Joseph's line: "Don't you see?"
It just looked like it was missing something if you know what I mean.
But anyway, I'll see you later. Can't wait til the next chapter! I hope you had a lovely Christmas Holiday!!!! SIX STARS!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2021
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O-KAY! That was a perfect ending. Well, not that I wanted Joseph to get hit but now he can get help... IF the Shadow doesn't possess him now and try to kill the detectives or the EMTs. (Or you could be writing that in, inspired by my review, lol) I don't think I can't wait until Monday!!!!!! I have to know if the Breedline will be contacted so they can get that thing out of Joseph.
I have one suggestion; you could put a question mark at the end of Joseph's line: "Don't you see?"
It just looked like it was missing something if you know what I mean.
But anyway, I'll see you later. Can't wait til the next chapter! I hope you had a lovely Christmas Holiday!!!! SIX STARS!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2021
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Awww... thanks so much, AJ :)
I will tell you... that chapter just came to me at the spur of the moment. I had no plans of him running out in front of a car. I trust God is guiding me through this book because it just comes to me without a plan. And thanks for the tip. I will keep that in mind while writing this week. The next chapter will be really difficult because I don't know where this will lead from here. Yesterday, I wrote a paragraph and stared at the screen for hours, not sure where to go next. I have faith I will find my way through this book and give readers a good ending. You help me out so much with your feedback and encouragement. I will dedicate your name in this book if that's okay with you.
I agree with the question mark at the end of: Don't you see? Good call on that one. Your eyes are very helpful.
I had a great Christmas. Loved spending time with family. I hope yours was great too! Wishing you and your family a safe & happy New Year!
Big hugs,
Shana :)
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First off, I would be HONORED if you put my name. And you're very welcome for the review and tip. I love writing but my true passion is to help people, and I do that any way I can, even if it's in the form of very expressive reviews, lol.
I agree; God is guiding you. It sometimes happens to me too while I'm writing. And I'm like, "Hey, where'd that come from?" But I know it's God working. I'm confident he'll continue helping you finish this story so that I can stop worrying about Joseph, lol. OH! And I almost forgot to mention, my fav piece of dialogue in this post was where Frank told Manuel he was getting up there in age. Absolutely perfect!!! Anyway, I had an awesome Christmas and I'm glad you yours was too. I wish you a very Happy Happy New Year!!!!
(And if you ever need any inspiration you know where to find me!;)
Have a great week!!!!!
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Thanks AJ :) You're the best! Have a happy & blessed New Year!!!
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;) Aww, you're too sweet!
Comment from Janilou
What a great chapter. I'm reading it as a stand alone having not read previous chapters but it's excellent. Very well done. Dialogue is excellent. I appreciated the author's notes that helped me make sense of the events.
Scary stuff! If the car accident victim is indeed the "perp" I wonder if he will be 'healed' by the time they reach him? Makes me want to read on even though this isn't usually my genre.
Well done!
Jan
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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What a great chapter. I'm reading it as a stand alone having not read previous chapters but it's excellent. Very well done. Dialogue is excellent. I appreciated the author's notes that helped me make sense of the events.
Scary stuff! If the car accident victim is indeed the "perp" I wonder if he will be 'healed' by the time they reach him? Makes me want to read on even though this isn't usually my genre.
Well done!
Jan
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Thanks so much, Jan :)
Glad you enjoyed this one. I really had fun creating it. My detectives play a big role in this book, and I have to admit, they are beginning to grow on me. Their characters came into the series in book three and so far, they have been a so much fun to write about. I appreciate your positive feedback and generous stars. I hope to hear from you again.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Frank Malley
It's clear that Ms. Scongrove writes with fluency and has an ear for style. I would make a few overall suggestions. 1) Rabbits don't have prey, they are prey; small detail, but it's an error that should've been caught. 2) The pacing of events in the story line is dragged down by unneeded odds and ends of dialogue. Ms. Scongrove does dialogue very easily, and I think this leads her to think that more is better, when often nothing is gained by including unnecessary exchanges. For a quick example: you don't need "We just got a call in." If you just have,"Detectives. A male in his...was just struck by a vehicle near the park." The detectives would probably know where the park is; it's their part of town. Sometimes added details, in either dialogue or narrative, can be important and functional; I picked "near the park" rather than "just a few blocks from here" because my sense of the story led me to think that the Breedline creatures might be inclined to occupy the park as wolves - this was honestly a shot in the dark on my part. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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It's clear that Ms. Scongrove writes with fluency and has an ear for style. I would make a few overall suggestions. 1) Rabbits don't have prey, they are prey; small detail, but it's an error that should've been caught. 2) The pacing of events in the story line is dragged down by unneeded odds and ends of dialogue. Ms. Scongrove does dialogue very easily, and I think this leads her to think that more is better, when often nothing is gained by including unnecessary exchanges. For a quick example: you don't need "We just got a call in." If you just have,"Detectives. A male in his...was just struck by a vehicle near the park." The detectives would probably know where the park is; it's their part of town. Sometimes added details, in either dialogue or narrative, can be important and functional; I picked "near the park" rather than "just a few blocks from here" because my sense of the story led me to think that the Breedline creatures might be inclined to occupy the park as wolves - this was honestly a shot in the dark on my part. Best of luck.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Frank. I appreciate your feedback and advice. This is why I continue to post here. Every bit of advice makes a difference. I never stop learning.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
There's little doubt about it, you're brilliant at livening up an episode, they don't seem to be connecting Peter Parker and Carrie are an item, it seems they don't know that the shadow and her boyfriend are one! But they are about to find out. It sounds like Peter stepped in front of the car deliberately to protect Carrie, that's love for you. Beautifully written my talented friend. Inspirational, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2021
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There's little doubt about it, you're brilliant at livening up an episode, they don't seem to be connecting Peter Parker and Carrie are an item, it seems they don't know that the shadow and her boyfriend are one! But they are about to find out. It sounds like Peter stepped in front of the car deliberately to protect Carrie, that's love for you. Beautifully written my talented friend. Inspirational, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2021
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Awww... thanks dear friend :)
Yes, (Joseph) desperate to stop the Shadow from killing again, he purposely ran out in front of a car. Now the detectives have him, but will it be too late? Stay tuned for more Breedline adventures.
Thanks for all your encouraging feedback and generous stars. I hope you and your family had a blessed Christmas. It's great to spend time with family.
Wishing you and your loved ones a safe & happy New Year!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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I?ve had both daughters and a full contingent of grands dear Shana, blessed out of my socklets. HNY.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like this Supernatural innovative, moral Science Fiction, huge but it is an interesting read ever since, crime scene is expressive and realistic; the curse is the crux of this fiction theme; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2021
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I like this Supernatural innovative, moral Science Fiction, huge but it is an interesting read ever since, crime scene is expressive and realistic; the curse is the crux of this fiction theme; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2021
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Thanks so much, Alcreator! :) I had fun creating this one. I love a good crime story. My detectives are two of my favorite characters to write about. Looks like they finally found Joseph, but will he be alive? Stay tuned my friend.
Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
