Rise from the Fall
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Barbed Words"From one life to another
4 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story here. Colton had plenty of reasons to be so angry. This is my first reading of your work and I don't know much about Lady Giselle's character from this. Miss Enid is a very typical young teen in any time or place. I am impressed that you have chosen to write in the present tense and in most places you have stuck to it, which is really quite hard to do. Any time a word ends in -ed, you probably switched tense. Read your story aloud and listen to yourself. You should catch when you have slipped from present tense. Good luck.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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You have a good story here. Colton had plenty of reasons to be so angry. This is my first reading of your work and I don't know much about Lady Giselle's character from this. Miss Enid is a very typical young teen in any time or place. I am impressed that you have chosen to write in the present tense and in most places you have stuck to it, which is really quite hard to do. Any time a word ends in -ed, you probably switched tense. Read your story aloud and listen to yourself. You should catch when you have slipped from present tense. Good luck.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Comment from Ramona Scarborough
Rinshikai,
This is not my usual kind of read, but I was intrigued nonetheless. I liked some of your expressions: Speaking of her words-"She throws the first knife," "her disappointment oozed from her," and "guilt blurring my sight."
Suggestions: 1. Her look "took shape" explain what did her face look like? 2.You left out capitalization in several places. Miss Enid, Her fist, She throw the first, She twists it, Her disappointment.
3-instead of her eyes demanding, perhaps demanded.
4-wasn't sure if you meant spat-a brief petty quarrel or spate-a sudden or strong outburst. 5.her eyes dart, not dates.
Even though I am not familiar with your characters, I could see some of their qualities in just one chapter. Good job!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Rinshikai,
This is not my usual kind of read, but I was intrigued nonetheless. I liked some of your expressions: Speaking of her words-"She throws the first knife," "her disappointment oozed from her," and "guilt blurring my sight."
Suggestions: 1. Her look "took shape" explain what did her face look like? 2.You left out capitalization in several places. Miss Enid, Her fist, She throw the first, She twists it, Her disappointment.
3-instead of her eyes demanding, perhaps demanded.
4-wasn't sure if you meant spat-a brief petty quarrel or spate-a sudden or strong outburst. 5.her eyes dart, not dates.
Even though I am not familiar with your characters, I could see some of their qualities in just one chapter. Good job!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much for the feedback, Ramona Scarborough. I'm glad I was able to keep your interest.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I have not read previous chapters/sections of this story but can read from what is written that there seems to be two main protagonists, namely Lady Giselle and Carlton.
I could feel the tension of the the words they exchanged and Carlton's anger/distress. It is very realistic, which I liked.
I can't really find anything to dislike, and will look in again at some point.
Warmly,
Juliette
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2021
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I have not read previous chapters/sections of this story but can read from what is written that there seems to be two main protagonists, namely Lady Giselle and Carlton.
I could feel the tension of the the words they exchanged and Carlton's anger/distress. It is very realistic, which I liked.
I can't really find anything to dislike, and will look in again at some point.
Warmly,
Juliette
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read my work Juliette Chamberlain. I just want to point out that it's Colton, not Carlton. (autocorrect?)
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story my friend! The storyline is interesting and held my attention and the characters interact nicely together throughout the piece;-) Well written and well thought out!
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family this Christmas;-)
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Excellent story my friend! The storyline is interesting and held my attention and the characters interact nicely together throughout the piece;-) Well written and well thought out!
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family this Christmas;-)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Melodie Michelle. And a Merry Xmas to you.
