A game of nine ball
The bets on!7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I'm not sure what the requirements for this contest are. It seems vague. So were you supposed to shape this poem like the balls racked up? or circular like a pool ball. You have nice use of alliteration in this poem. Your stream of consciousness technique will draw the reader in.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2021
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I'm not sure what the requirements for this contest are. It seems vague. So were you supposed to shape this poem like the balls racked up? or circular like a pool ball. You have nice use of alliteration in this poem. Your stream of consciousness technique will draw the reader in.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2021
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Oh, I didn't explain it well when I created it, and once it's done, it's too late to go back and edit. The idea is a short vignette, story, or poem that forms a shape relating to the story. Moral, never rush into an idea. :>(
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Your efforts paid off. It looks like you're winning. Congratulations. I'm glad others did not miss you point.
Comment from prettybluebirds
I love the photo with this story. My husband used to play in tournaments all the time. We got pretty good at the game as I often had to play to give him practice. Very well done.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2021
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I love the photo with this story. My husband used to play in tournaments all the time. We got pretty good at the game as I often had to play to give him practice. Very well done.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2021
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Thanks, and keep playing. It's a great game.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I was taught to call these *concrete* or *shape* poems. [asterisks b/c my phone will make weird symbols out of any quotation marks~pardon me.]
These pieces are a fabulous way to express your creativity and add a whole new dimension to the craft of writing poetry.
Here, you have taken the nine-ball rack and filled it with lively images instead of pool balls~Fun!
I might wish the diamond was a BIT more elongated? Here, you have it perfectly symmetrical, and if you play pool~ which I have to assume you do~ha! you know that rack is longer than it is wide. [yes, that is a bit picky. Just being honest. ]
What I liked:
--> that you kinda told a story
--> the center nine
What I did not care for:
--> did not feel like poetry at all except for the shape. There are little to none cool poetic devices sprinkled around to make your thoughts *sing* or tease the reader.
--> the narrator is fickle ~ only wants to play for fun/no pressure please. Then directly to *Oh, a ten dollar game? Certainly!*
--> we discover he/she is a shark when she immediately wants to break and then drops the nine.
It is an interesting piece and you did add some fun to it~ but in reality it is a simple shape [though I do realize it is difficult to get the diamond to look so *clean*] and the content feels more like stream-of-consciousness than poetry. (Sorry!!)
Of course, these are ONE person*s opinions, and we all know what opinions are worth. Feel free to take my thoughts into consideration or to toss them into the nearest sewer.
Thanks for sharing and good luck!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I was taught to call these *concrete* or *shape* poems. [asterisks b/c my phone will make weird symbols out of any quotation marks~pardon me.]
These pieces are a fabulous way to express your creativity and add a whole new dimension to the craft of writing poetry.
Here, you have taken the nine-ball rack and filled it with lively images instead of pool balls~Fun!
I might wish the diamond was a BIT more elongated? Here, you have it perfectly symmetrical, and if you play pool~ which I have to assume you do~ha! you know that rack is longer than it is wide. [yes, that is a bit picky. Just being honest. ]
What I liked:
--> that you kinda told a story
--> the center nine
What I did not care for:
--> did not feel like poetry at all except for the shape. There are little to none cool poetic devices sprinkled around to make your thoughts *sing* or tease the reader.
--> the narrator is fickle ~ only wants to play for fun/no pressure please. Then directly to *Oh, a ten dollar game? Certainly!*
--> we discover he/she is a shark when she immediately wants to break and then drops the nine.
It is an interesting piece and you did add some fun to it~ but in reality it is a simple shape [though I do realize it is difficult to get the diamond to look so *clean*] and the content feels more like stream-of-consciousness than poetry. (Sorry!!)
Of course, these are ONE person*s opinions, and we all know what opinions are worth. Feel free to take my thoughts into consideration or to toss them into the nearest sewer.
Thanks for sharing and good luck!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Robyn. Critique is how we learn. I think I will remove the attempt at poetry, It's not required in the contest. I laid out the diamond shape in Word, and it looked great, but the type settings in FanStory scrunch it up unless I set it in a small face.
So your thoughts have merit. So don't worry, this helps.
Hi again, I found a font that works better. Take a look.
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Wow! That looks SOOOO much better. Fab job. YAY!
BUT...
Did you realize (sorry to be so nitpicky!!) that you used this phrase twice:
--> Sure, I'll play
--> I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but in such a small space, it echoes....
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Thanks again! I was so intent on precise alignment I missed that. Good eye. I owe ya.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
No pride; only game or sporting spirit, on bet, a game of nine balls, challenge or bet met; practice brought in colour; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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No pride; only game or sporting spirit, on bet, a game of nine balls, challenge or bet met; practice brought in colour; well said, well done; keep writing. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thanks. I like your rhyming better.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a clever write with the number 9 smack bang in the middle! This game is underway and nothing is going to stop the balls from dropping, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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This is a clever write with the number 9 smack bang in the middle! This game is underway and nothing is going to stop the balls from dropping, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Dolly. much appreciated.
Comment from LisaMay
As I am not familiar with this game I cannot comment on the skill, or lack of it, your words describe here, but I can comment on your skill in shaping this poem so successfully, with the 9 perfectly placed in the centre.
Emily sure looks like she means business. I hope you didn't lose too much money to her.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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As I am not familiar with this game I cannot comment on the skill, or lack of it, your words describe here, but I can comment on your skill in shaping this poem so successfully, with the 9 perfectly placed in the centre.
Emily sure looks like she means business. I hope you didn't lose too much money to her.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Lisa. It took a while for sure.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image.
-Good use of the color
font for the 9 ball.
-I like your poem, and
it has effective action words
and I like how you just have
Emily as the character,
and the others playing are implied.
-She sounds on top of her game.
-I like the use of "Wham" Wow!"
-"Bye" works very well for the
concluding line; Emily does have confidence!
-A good entry; good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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-Very nice image.
-Good use of the color
font for the 9 ball.
-I like your poem, and
it has effective action words
and I like how you just have
Emily as the character,
and the others playing are implied.
-She sounds on top of her game.
-I like the use of "Wham" Wow!"
-"Bye" works very well for the
concluding line; Emily does have confidence!
-A good entry; good luck.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Pam. Glad you liked it.
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You are welcome.
