Shadow World
This is a short story.23 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hahaha, Robert, this is a marvelous story and with such a wonderful twist. It was certainly not Edgar's day. Everything went from bad to worse. What had the poor man done to deserve this? What a great entry for the contest. I hope it will do very well. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Hahaha, Robert, this is a marvelous story and with such a wonderful twist. It was certainly not Edgar's day. Everything went from bad to worse. What had the poor man done to deserve this? What a great entry for the contest. I hope it will do very well. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Hello Ulla.Thank you for the wonderful review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverses reality and the twist at the end. No, it wasn't Edgar's day, but maybe he'll escape. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the best wishes very much.
Best wishes and happy holidays.
Robert
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And happy holidays to you and Pam, as well. Ulla:)))
Comment from royowen
I think you've created a goodie with this one Robert, I haven't really ventured into the prose world, apart from Author notes and some free verse, I enjoyed this, of course I normally like happy endings, but well done, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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I think you've created a goodie with this one Robert, I haven't really ventured into the prose world, apart from Author notes and some free verse, I enjoyed this, of course I normally like happy endings, but well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 18-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Hello Roy.Thank you for the excellent review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverses reality. I usually write happy ending, but the fantasy aspect worked better in the other direction. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the good luck wishes very much.
Best wishes.
Robert
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Most welcome
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is really a strange scary story. You obviously have a great imagination. Only one place seems out of place. "What's going on, stuttered Edgar . . ." then in a sentence in the same paragraph you say he can't speak. Otherwise your story didn't seem to have any holes in it and was well edited. Best of luck with this.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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This is really a strange scary story. You obviously have a great imagination. Only one place seems out of place. "What's going on, stuttered Edgar . . ." then in a sentence in the same paragraph you say he can't speak. Otherwise your story didn't seem to have any holes in it and was well edited. Best of luck with this.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Carol.Thank you for the excellent review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverses reality. The question you noted is in italics, so it is a thought, rather than speech. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the best luck wishes very much.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment from Susan Newell
This is certainly an unusual piece of fantasy, but it kept me riveted. I think you need a way to explain the distinction between Edgar and Blake. Blake just appears with a new identity, but has a date with Darcy. Was she Edgar's original date? Are Edgar and Ebony new names? Or are Blake and Darcy new?
I would suggest spelling "three-dimensional" in all places.
Uh oh, looks they're going to turn again. -- Something's missing.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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This is certainly an unusual piece of fantasy, but it kept me riveted. I think you need a way to explain the distinction between Edgar and Blake. Blake just appears with a new identity, but has a date with Darcy. Was she Edgar's original date? Are Edgar and Ebony new names? Or are Blake and Darcy new?
I would suggest spelling "three-dimensional" in all places.
Uh oh, looks they're going to turn again. -- Something's missing.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Susan.Thank you for the excellent review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverses reality. Blake (a form of Black) is simply Edgar's shadow who is an actual person in the new alternate world. Blake and Darcy (a form of Dark) are shadow world people. Ebony is Darcy's shadow in shadow world.
Uh oh, looks they're going to turn again. In speech/thought, the "it" is often implied.
I appreciate the encouraging comments and the stars very much.
Best wishes for a happy holiday.
Robert
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You are most welcome.
Comment from estory
This a great eerie, creepy story. I think you did a great job imagining this scenario where people can only converse when their shadows touch. You did a great job with the dialogue there, creating the shared moments and then breaking them off just as suddenly as they begin. And you concealed this witch from us until the end. I liked how you described her, grey with tangled hair, fitting that collar on the guy. Overall, there's a great sense of losing control over your life, in this story. estory
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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This a great eerie, creepy story. I think you did a great job imagining this scenario where people can only converse when their shadows touch. You did a great job with the dialogue there, creating the shared moments and then breaking them off just as suddenly as they begin. And you concealed this witch from us until the end. I liked how you described her, grey with tangled hair, fitting that collar on the guy. Overall, there's a great sense of losing control over your life, in this story. estory
Comment Written 17-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello estory.Thank you for the splendid review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverses reality. It was tricky trying to describe the various relationships so the reader would understand what was happening. Thanks for noting the imagery and the idea of not being in control. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the six stars very much.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment from tfawcus
I should have reviewed this earlier, while I still had some sixes at my disposal. A beautifully constructed short story with an ending that comes as a complete surprise, both to Edgar and to your readers! You are an artful storyteller!
I enjoyed the way you emphasised the alternative reality in passages such as . But they probably don't have rainbows in this eerie place. More likely, they have shade-bows, shades of gray. There is a satisfying consistency in the illusion you have created.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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I should have reviewed this earlier, while I still had some sixes at my disposal. A beautifully constructed short story with an ending that comes as a complete surprise, both to Edgar and to your readers! You are an artful storyteller!
I enjoyed the way you emphasised the alternative reality in passages such as . But they probably don't have rainbows in this eerie place. More likely, they have shade-bows, shades of gray. There is a satisfying consistency in the illusion you have created.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Tony.Thank you for the marvelous review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverses reality. Fiction is all about illusion. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the stars very much.
Best wishes to all
Happy Holiday.
Robert
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! you are not only a poet but you have a fantastic imagination and are an excellent story teller. It is a pretty eerie ending, but no one can say you didn't write a delightful fantasy tale.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Wow! you are not only a poet but you have a fantastic imagination and are an excellent story teller. It is a pretty eerie ending, but no one can say you didn't write a delightful fantasy tale.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Beth.Thank you for the excellent review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of an eerie parallel universe that reverses reality. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the stars very much.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and
story to go with it, Robert.
-You do a good job with the
theme of the shadow and the
character of Edgar.
-The imagery and suspense is very good.
-I like this comment by Edgar:
"I am the invisible shadow of a shadow."
-You don't just create shadow people
but a whole shadow world, too.
-I don't think I would like this world;
it doesn't hold a lot of promise.
-Ebony gives Edgar a good description
of how things work in Shadow World.
-They seem to hit it off well.
-I like the name of the band; I see
you stayed away from The Blackeyed Peas!
-Even though it is not the ending I
would have picked, you did a good job with it.
-The detail of Ebony the witch was very well drawn,
and she wasn't a nice person at all!
-The collar was the last straw!
-Now the task is go write a follow up
or an epilogue showing how crafty Edgar can be!
-A very good entry; good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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-Good artwork and
story to go with it, Robert.
-You do a good job with the
theme of the shadow and the
character of Edgar.
-The imagery and suspense is very good.
-I like this comment by Edgar:
"I am the invisible shadow of a shadow."
-You don't just create shadow people
but a whole shadow world, too.
-I don't think I would like this world;
it doesn't hold a lot of promise.
-Ebony gives Edgar a good description
of how things work in Shadow World.
-They seem to hit it off well.
-I like the name of the band; I see
you stayed away from The Blackeyed Peas!
-Even though it is not the ending I
would have picked, you did a good job with it.
-The detail of Ebony the witch was very well drawn,
and she wasn't a nice person at all!
-The collar was the last straw!
-Now the task is go write a follow up
or an epilogue showing how crafty Edgar can be!
-A very good entry; good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Pam.Thank you for the splendid, detailed review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a eerie, parallel universe that reverses reality. Thanks for mentioning the art work and noting favorite lines. Black-eyed Peas would have been a little too much. :) I appreciate the encouraging comments and the good luck wishes very much.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Robert. I am glad you liked my comments and sharing favorite lines, along with the Blackeyed Peas😊
Comment from Terry Broxson
A very good entry for this contest, good luck. This is very creative. You weave a good story, and it has a great ending. I didn't see that coming. I also like the name of the band and the songs they played. Well, done.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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A very good entry for this contest, good luck. This is very creative. You weave a good story, and it has a great ending. I didn't see that coming. I also like the name of the band and the songs they played. Well, done.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Terry.Thank you for the excellent review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverse reality. Thanks for noting the band and songs. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the good luck wishes very much.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, that was a really unexpected ending! You had us all geared up for a happy ending romance after a surreal shadowland adventure in a parallel universe. But we ended up in a horror story instead. Things are never what they seem.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Oh, that was a really unexpected ending! You had us all geared up for a happy ending romance after a surreal shadowland adventure in a parallel universe. But we ended up in a horror story instead. Things are never what they seem.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2021
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Hello Helen.Thank you for the excellent review and rating for my story of the shadow world. I'm glad you enjoyed the fantasy theme of a parallel universe that reverse reality. I appreciate the encouraging comments and the best wishes very much.
Best wishes.
Robert
I often write multiple endings for my stories. You might like the alternate one with the happy, Hallmark ending.
