Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Echoes of an Overture "Flash Fiction
20 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I guess I'd feel better if they were both out in the lawn grasses. They could each hide away believing they had the upper hand, even though neither have hands. This would be the catalyst for a hopping discussion.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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I guess I'd feel better if they were both out in the lawn grasses. They could each hide away believing they had the upper hand, even though neither have hands. This would be the catalyst for a hopping discussion.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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ooooh I like it!! Thank you so much!
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***LOL***
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Nice poem for the flash fiction entry. I did not know that crickets could scream! It seems disconcerting. I looked at your background. I too was born in Washington, DC. I went to St. Albans High School until my family moved to Atlanta my sophmore year in high school. Why did you move to Nothern Calf? Do you mind if I ask where you work?
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Nice poem for the flash fiction entry. I did not know that crickets could scream! It seems disconcerting. I looked at your background. I too was born in Washington, DC. I went to St. Albans High School until my family moved to Atlanta my sophmore year in high school. Why did you move to Nothern Calf? Do you mind if I ask where you work?
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Hi! Sure ask away! And yes I hate crickets being fed haha. I have to do it a few times a week.
Always feel free to email too!
I grew up in Miami. A lot of craziness and abuse (part two of my latest post will be a bit shocking). I had no guidance, got in troubme, sent to a group home detention center place. My mom took me out to lunch but put me on a plane to DC. Massachusetts Ave. Capitol Hill.
Moved to Herndon, VA for high school. My dad was cold. Mean. I lived in basement. Kicked me out at 18 and I went to VS Tech.
After I graduated I packed up my car and moved to LA for acting. Found a room to rent in the drive. Then moved to San Diego.
Friends ended up moving out to the west at random times. But just my best friend from youth Sean, and myself stayed in San Diego.
I met my wife and when we had our first child we moved up to Sacramento, where she grew up.
Fun fact. My best friend Sean is my brother in law now.
I sell imaging equipment like MR and CT equipment etc.
I also act as a hobby.
https://www.castimages.com/Portfolio/Actors/Men/1262397/Greg_Martin
That was a lot. Sorry :)
Comment from Janetsue
I think this is very well-written and a clever point of view. I understand about feeling sorry for the crickets. At the pet store, there are tanks of cheap fish called feeder fish. They are for people with piranhas and other large fish called Oscars. Rats and mice are also purchased for snakes. Sigh. It's a dog-eat-dog world...as well as a Gecko-eat-cricket world. Best wishes in the contest!!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2021
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I think this is very well-written and a clever point of view. I understand about feeling sorry for the crickets. At the pet store, there are tanks of cheap fish called feeder fish. They are for people with piranhas and other large fish called Oscars. Rats and mice are also purchased for snakes. Sigh. It's a dog-eat-dog world...as well as a Gecko-eat-cricket world. Best wishes in the contest!!
Comment Written 18-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2021
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Hahaha. And THANK YOU!! I Have to get to your page! Yay!! Seriously I Have to get to your page. I have feeding things live ugh.
Comment from tempeste
Ciao !
Well let's be frank, spider preys are rolled up alive in that sticky web and are left waiting to have their juices sucked out at leisure.... at least the iguana eats the crickets quick and yes at times a legs gets left behind ( biggrin)
I had a squirrel monkey as a pet and she always bit off the head immediately..
It wasn't an act of mercy .. but rather a safety measure
in the Amazon insects there often have poisonous bites ..so it's safer to kill and then eat one's prey.
In winter we fed her mealworms .. if they had just shed their skin ( they are white and soft then) ,Lolita ate them whole but if they had their hard yellow skin still she would bite the head off and discard it .. now that's a sight all these heads.
I think you did an awesome job describing Becky s feeding time from both points of view.
The feeder that feels discomfort in feeding live food and the prey that feels fear facing imminent death.
I love the expression glass arena
....those cricket legs are like limbs on a battle field.
That said : I don't think an owner would be disturbed by Becky's feeding habits . ...
people who actually chooses reptiles for pets don't have a problem feeding live food etc.
A friend instead might find Becky cool , but still find hard to watch it eat live prey etc.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Ciao !
Well let's be frank, spider preys are rolled up alive in that sticky web and are left waiting to have their juices sucked out at leisure.... at least the iguana eats the crickets quick and yes at times a legs gets left behind ( biggrin)
I had a squirrel monkey as a pet and she always bit off the head immediately..
It wasn't an act of mercy .. but rather a safety measure
in the Amazon insects there often have poisonous bites ..so it's safer to kill and then eat one's prey.
In winter we fed her mealworms .. if they had just shed their skin ( they are white and soft then) ,Lolita ate them whole but if they had their hard yellow skin still she would bite the head off and discard it .. now that's a sight all these heads.
I think you did an awesome job describing Becky s feeding time from both points of view.
The feeder that feels discomfort in feeding live food and the prey that feels fear facing imminent death.
I love the expression glass arena
....those cricket legs are like limbs on a battle field.
That said : I don't think an owner would be disturbed by Becky's feeding habits . ...
people who actually chooses reptiles for pets don't have a problem feeding live food etc.
A friend instead might find Becky cool , but still find hard to watch it eat live prey etc.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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I love your stories. And reviews! Truly thank you so much. I loathe feeding the lizards we have haha. I should put that in the notes?
We have two leopard geckos for the kids. Worst part is feeding
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You my friend are the exception to the rule( biggrin)
I just checked what leopard geckos look like and eat .
They look awesome .. I see they eat most foods my Lolita ate during our daily hunting sprees in Summer.
She also loved spiders , beetles , butterflies ( which I caught with a net) , grasshopper galore , stag beetles, an occasional lizard tail etc
We went hunting 2/3 hours a day.
I see they eat mealworms too.. we kept ours in cornmeal .but we fed her mealworms only in winter when there were no insects outside. She loved chestnut worms in autumn.
She also loved fruits and vegetables.
Lolita never ate dead prey either and her teeth were razor sharp too like your gecko.
I don?t understand: Why buy geckos if feeding them makes you feel so much discomfort ?
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Haha I don't know. I just added notes in the section haha.
But it makes me feel so bad for the crickets. Like I "feed" then live things.
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Well, look at it this way :
We all have a purpose in life .. crickets keep your geckos healthy. ( biggrin)
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is ingenious. The story is told from the point-of-view of the cricket.
It is perfection in its images and putting you in the mind of a cricket who is just about to be eaten.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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This is ingenious. The story is told from the point-of-view of the cricket.
It is perfection in its images and putting you in the mind of a cricket who is just about to be eaten.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much Mary! I apprised very much.
Comment from Frances Jean
A gorgeous little story full of humour. It reminded me of our grandson who has a pet lizard...not as big as an iguana! He feeds Toothless crickets too. Thanks for the smiles. Franky
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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A gorgeous little story full of humour. It reminded me of our grandson who has a pet lizard...not as big as an iguana! He feeds Toothless crickets too. Thanks for the smiles. Franky
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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We have two! Haha it's so gross feeding them lol
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Ha ha! I feel for the crickets. Hugs
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStupendous. A fine a flash as I've ever read. If this doesn't win, I'll be PISSED. The imagery is stunning--brilliant phrasing, ingeniously rendered from POV of cricket. SSSSSSuperb. Cheerssssss. LIZ
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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SSSSSStupendous. A fine a flash as I've ever read. If this doesn't win, I'll be PISSED. The imagery is stunning--brilliant phrasing, ingeniously rendered from POV of cricket. SSSSSSuperb. Cheerssssss. LIZ
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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No way! You are AWESOME!! And your confidence in me is so much appreciated. Really Liz thank you! How cool.
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One suggestion: instead of "I WAS next" "I'm next." The former implies he's alive and recalling the event.
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You know what? You are so Smart. Jay Squires mentioned something about working the last line differently. I changed it.
BUT.
If you Hate it PLEASE feel free to let me know. I genuinely value your opinion :)
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Brilliant!
Still, I suggest you cast the entire piece in the present tense for the reason I stated.
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You're right
Comment from Wendy G
Very original, and so well thought through and written, putting yourself in the mind of the next cricket to be eaten. Loved the expression "emitting shrilled melodies like wailing violin bows"! Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Very original, and so well thought through and written, putting yourself in the mind of the next cricket to be eaten. Loved the expression "emitting shrilled melodies like wailing violin bows"! Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it Wendy!!
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Oh yuck!! Well, it is a good story and I wish you luck in the contest. I believe all creatures feel pain...some of them feel nausea when reading stories like this. Run, little cricket - run!!
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Oh yuck!! Well, it is a good story and I wish you luck in the contest. I believe all creatures feel pain...some of them feel nausea when reading stories like this. Run, little cricket - run!!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Haha thank you so much. Hahaha that's funny.
Comment from Spitfire
Different. I think of Kafka's works when I read this. I could picture 'fecal effigies of half-digested cricket bodies'. The reference to shrill melodies made me remember the time a cricket kept me awake all night with its 'music'. I would have gladly fed it to the iguana. A winner for sure.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Different. I think of Kafka's works when I read this. I could picture 'fecal effigies of half-digested cricket bodies'. The reference to shrill melodies made me remember the time a cricket kept me awake all night with its 'music'. I would have gladly fed it to the iguana. A winner for sure.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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YES THANK YOU!! How amazing. Really, thank you. And I totally get your Kafka reference. You are great. Thank you. :)
