Memory Book
Realize that there may have been better times.6 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Harry,
never truer words spoken in this climate of present life.
Life seemed to move forward with deliberate strides.. and now days seem to be stalled in fear and confusion as what tomorrow holds in store for us all.
A very well constructed 30 syllable writing entry for this contest... all the very best. I enjoy reading your poem my friend.
With our thoughts we create...
greener pastures.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Hi Harry,
never truer words spoken in this climate of present life.
Life seemed to move forward with deliberate strides.. and now days seem to be stalled in fear and confusion as what tomorrow holds in store for us all.
A very well constructed 30 syllable writing entry for this contest... all the very best. I enjoy reading your poem my friend.
With our thoughts we create...
greener pastures.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and provide feedback. Greatly appreciated.
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My pleasure Harry,
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We often turn to our memories to comfort us in times of trouble and we are doing this more often today as the pandemic has thwarted our lives, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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We often turn to our memories to comfort us in times of trouble and we are doing this more often today as the pandemic has thwarted our lives, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Dolly, for your read and feedback.
Comment from CL Huth
UPDATED COMMENT:
I love it! This is fantastic and really gets the sentiment across much smoother! I've upgraded you to a 5! Glad I could help!
ORIGINAL COMMENT: I like the sentiment of your poetic offering, but there are some minor issues:
- 'then' should be 'than'
- 'remembrances' feels cumbersome and detracts from the flow. Maybe ' my memories'? (for the syllable count)
- the 'ings' in the third line create this unintentional rhyme scheme. Maybe 'than the happenings that occur'?
If you update, please let me know, so I can update your rating. If you don't, no biggie. All poetry is subjective. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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UPDATED COMMENT:
I love it! This is fantastic and really gets the sentiment across much smoother! I've upgraded you to a 5! Glad I could help!
ORIGINAL COMMENT: I like the sentiment of your poetic offering, but there are some minor issues:
- 'then' should be 'than'
- 'remembrances' feels cumbersome and detracts from the flow. Maybe ' my memories'? (for the syllable count)
- the 'ings' in the third line create this unintentional rhyme scheme. Maybe 'than the happenings that occur'?
If you update, please let me know, so I can update your rating. If you don't, no biggie. All poetry is subjective. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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I have edited:
Open my memory book and find
my memories are much better
than happenings occurring
every day in our world
Thank you for your help.
Comment from zanya
Yes this is an interesting reflection here in this 30 syllable poem for the contest reminding of better days not only in the past but also in times to come - a lovely pic
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Yes this is an interesting reflection here in this 30 syllable poem for the contest reminding of better days not only in the past but also in times to come - a lovely pic
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review.
Comment from Ken Weene
That remembrance improves on reality is a great concept and deserves development. However, I think you could have done much more with that idea even in just 30 syllables.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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That remembrance improves on reality is a great concept and deserves development. However, I think you could have done much more with that idea even in just 30 syllables.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thanks for feedback.
Comment from Susan Newell
Your thirty-syllable poem reminds us all of a different time. I have remarked that we may begin a new method for accounting of the years. BC/AC (Before Covid/After Covid).
You have a homonym error:
then happenings occurring ==> than
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Your thirty-syllable poem reminds us all of a different time. I have remarked that we may begin a new method for accounting of the years. BC/AC (Before Covid/After Covid).
You have a homonym error:
then happenings occurring ==> than
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thank for the catch and the feedback. Appreciated.
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You are very welcome.
