Reluctant Winter
A haiku about the seasons3 total reviews
Comment from Laurie Holding
Beautifully crafted, Jill! The only constructive criticism I'd throw your way would have to do with the tense change; you're in the past through the second line, then switch to present tense in the third. You're the poet, and anything goes, but it caught my eye. Great job, and I LOVE that photo. Is it yours?
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Beautifully crafted, Jill! The only constructive criticism I'd throw your way would have to do with the tense change; you're in the past through the second line, then switch to present tense in the third. You're the poet, and anything goes, but it caught my eye. Great job, and I LOVE that photo. Is it yours?
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Laurie, for your review. I really didn't notice the tense change until you mentioned it and I probably should have. What was I thinking? I think changing the present tense in line 3 changes the meaning slightly so I'll think about it. I found the photo on Pexels. It's where I go to get free photos legally.
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...but you could change 'held' in line two to 'holds' without changing the meaning or the structure, right?
Comment from Ken Weene
A bit too simple for my taste. Ideally, the first two lines should be able to stand alone (which they can) and the second two lines should also be able to (which they can't). Also, your seasonal reference, which is required in good haiku, should not be the name of the season. I think deciduous might be an acceptable kigo, which is the Japanese word for such references.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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A bit too simple for my taste. Ideally, the first two lines should be able to stand alone (which they can) and the second two lines should also be able to (which they can't). Also, your seasonal reference, which is required in good haiku, should not be the name of the season. I think deciduous might be an acceptable kigo, which is the Japanese word for such references.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for your review. I learned from it, which makes it a good review.
Comment from Taminang Therese N
When we had the first snow last week in Wisconsin, I stood and glance through my window to see one particular tree that still had almost all it's leaves on. It so wondered me where they get their strength. You have actually say it in few words and I've got their name, "Deciduous trees" Thanks for writing and sharing. Success in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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When we had the first snow last week in Wisconsin, I stood and glance through my window to see one particular tree that still had almost all it's leaves on. It so wondered me where they get their strength. You have actually say it in few words and I've got their name, "Deciduous trees" Thanks for writing and sharing. Success in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you for your comments! I appreciate it.
