Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "An Orchard of love"Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
10 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I love the characters, particularly our half American friend in Brother Archer, a character bathed in the light of hardship and an awareness he probably didn't quite fit. I have two of the most delightful half Indonesian grandchildren, God knew I needed them to complete my life. This is a wonderful episode my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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I love the characters, particularly our half American friend in Brother Archer, a character bathed in the light of hardship and an awareness he probably didn't quite fit. I have two of the most delightful half Indonesian grandchildren, God knew I needed them to complete my life. This is a wonderful episode my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Roy. You obviously know the blessings of life are not determined by race. The joy of any color child fills a home with glory.
Blessings back to you and your loved ones. Rad
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Well done
Comment from LJbutterfly
The imagery in this chapter was so compelling I could easily envision the nut and fruit trees soaking in predawn water as Dr. Nguyen prepared them to withstand the day's high temperatures. I enjoyed reading your description of the Christian temperament of Dr. Nguyen as he dealt with a bully opponent. Two men who experienced both Vietnam and America differently, meet. What an interesting challenge for a story.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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The imagery in this chapter was so compelling I could easily envision the nut and fruit trees soaking in predawn water as Dr. Nguyen prepared them to withstand the day's high temperatures. I enjoyed reading your description of the Christian temperament of Dr. Nguyen as he dealt with a bully opponent. Two men who experienced both Vietnam and America differently, meet. What an interesting challenge for a story.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thank you, LJ. I love it when a reader envisions what I have 'word painted'. Yes, there is a challenge to the story but is for the reader to determine what is what and how can it be. Because there is a major shift coming, I believe heads will be scratched, if not spinning. I don't want to let the cat out of the bag here, but I will provide an epilogue.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I do know what's going to happen. Brother Archer is going to meet up with our friend, Lee. I am liking this story better and better.
Nguyen hesitated a moment, "I've got a lot on my mind and a lot to get done for tomorrow's celebration." (period needed after 'moment')
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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I do know what's going to happen. Brother Archer is going to meet up with our friend, Lee. I am liking this story better and better.
Nguyen hesitated a moment, "I've got a lot on my mind and a lot to get done for tomorrow's celebration." (period needed after 'moment')
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Yes, mam, he is headed to the Cross road. (Pun intended) He will pass through much darkness before he see's the light. Glad you're along for the journey.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Your descriptive lines draw me into your stories and make me feel like I'm there for real. I just wish Jerimiah had gotten the pounding he really had coming; although, the point was probably more effective the way the lesson was taught. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Your descriptive lines draw me into your stories and make me feel like I'm there for real. I just wish Jerimiah had gotten the pounding he really had coming; although, the point was probably more effective the way the lesson was taught. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Ture on both counts. We liked to knock the dog snot out of A-holes. Timing and verbal judo is everything. Hope you're feeling better.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a lovely chapter of love and redemption. Brother Archer has found his way and shares the love with those he sees as in need. Well done. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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This is a lovely chapter of love and redemption. Brother Archer has found his way and shares the love with those he sees as in need. Well done. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Judy. I'm glad you're along for the journey.
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You're most welcome.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have created a character here that I'd really like to meet. He has a great attitude towards life's vicissitudes. Since he's so different from the last chapter's character, I'm really curious to know how they will fit together.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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You have created a character here that I'd really like to meet. He has a great attitude towards life's vicissitudes. Since he's so different from the last chapter's character, I'm really curious to know how they will fit together.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Carol. At this point, Lee and Brother Archer share the experience of Vietnam. By the end of the story they will share an additional experience. Unfortunately, Lee, must walk a darker path before he see's the light.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliant confrontation passage is raw and real. Gripping! The narration is superb and the imagery is rich. You've masterfully incorporated the backstory.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Brilliant confrontation passage is raw and real. Gripping! The narration is superb and the imagery is rich. You've masterfully incorporated the backstory.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much, Liz. I'm working at it.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This General Fiction, a chapter in the book Concertina, speaks about a pastor in waiting, an orchard of love; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, write more, fast, time is limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123600/N21. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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This General Fiction, a chapter in the book Concertina, speaks about a pastor in waiting, an orchard of love; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, write more, fast, time is limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123600/N21. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you my friend!
Comment from juliaSjames
An appealing well written post. I'm reading this as a stand alone but it's easy to follow. The protagonist is more complex than I realized at first. You are a talented writer. Vivid descriptions and smooth flow enhance an intriguing storyline.
I was entertained.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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An appealing well written post. I'm reading this as a stand alone but it's easy to follow. The protagonist is more complex than I realized at first. You are a talented writer. Vivid descriptions and smooth flow enhance an intriguing storyline.
I was entertained.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Julia. I will, and I am. Same to you and your loved ones.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wow! I love this chapter. You did such a wonderful job developing Nguyen's character, and I like that you made him the son of a black American soldier. So many of those mixed-race children were shunned by both cultures. I also liked the mail-order doctorate. The broom-handle scene was terrific. I have made some notes from proofing:
Nguyen put on his slippers and shuffled into the kitchen, put on a pot of coffee, and two bagels in the toaster. -- I think you could use a second verb here because "put on" doesn't apply to bagels -- perhaps "and dropped two ..."
small orchid of trees barely -- oops ==> orchard
leaning against the door jamb with a sweet sleepy smile. -- really good imagery
much like a Nun would smack -- no need to capitalize nun
Years later, after Brother Archer graduated from Westside College with an Associate in Science degree in Horticulture and finished his Doctorate in Christian Apologetics, the pay-as-you-go correspondence course from the non-credentialed Mt. Nebo Bible College located in an Omaha Nebraska mail drop provided Brother Archer with the certification needed to start his little Derby Acres church. -- You've got one long prepositional phrase here, but not a complete sentence. I think you can fix it.
Walnut tree -- no cap for walnut
were acorns, -- acorn is not a tree (oak), the rest are correctly named by what they bear
Starting with a new Peachtree, ==> peach tree
even at this pre-dawn hour ==> predawn
With some twenty hodgepodge fruit trees in various sizes scattered about the church property, -- I don't think oaks and walnuts are technically fruit trees -- you might want to adjust for that
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Wow! I love this chapter. You did such a wonderful job developing Nguyen's character, and I like that you made him the son of a black American soldier. So many of those mixed-race children were shunned by both cultures. I also liked the mail-order doctorate. The broom-handle scene was terrific. I have made some notes from proofing:
Nguyen put on his slippers and shuffled into the kitchen, put on a pot of coffee, and two bagels in the toaster. -- I think you could use a second verb here because "put on" doesn't apply to bagels -- perhaps "and dropped two ..."
small orchid of trees barely -- oops ==> orchard
leaning against the door jamb with a sweet sleepy smile. -- really good imagery
much like a Nun would smack -- no need to capitalize nun
Years later, after Brother Archer graduated from Westside College with an Associate in Science degree in Horticulture and finished his Doctorate in Christian Apologetics, the pay-as-you-go correspondence course from the non-credentialed Mt. Nebo Bible College located in an Omaha Nebraska mail drop provided Brother Archer with the certification needed to start his little Derby Acres church. -- You've got one long prepositional phrase here, but not a complete sentence. I think you can fix it.
Walnut tree -- no cap for walnut
were acorns, -- acorn is not a tree (oak), the rest are correctly named by what they bear
Starting with a new Peachtree, ==> peach tree
even at this pre-dawn hour ==> predawn
With some twenty hodgepodge fruit trees in various sizes scattered about the church property, -- I don't think oaks and walnuts are technically fruit trees -- you might want to adjust for that
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Susan. You've got some pretty good eyes and a kind manner of correction. Try as I might, I still miss some pretty obvious things; Acorns, indeed. lol.
I've looked at the following through two different editing programs and they find no error. Could you explain where this long prepositional phrase is incorrect? Years later, after Brother Archer graduated from Westside College with an Associate in Science degree in Horticulture and finished his Doctorate in Christian Apologetics, the pay-as-you-go correspondence course from the non-credentialed Mt. Nebo Bible College located in an Omaha Nebraska mail drop provided Brother Archer with the certification needed to start his little Derby Acres church.
Much thanks for your time. Yard
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You are welcome and I will try. Essentially, you have a whole series of prepositional phrases that go nowhere. I'll try to remove some of those and some adjectives and see what we get. It's hard to diagram a sentence here.
Years later, after Brother Archer graduated and finished his Doctorate in Christian Apologetics, the correspondence course from Mt. Bebo Bible College (located in an Omaha, Nebraska mail-drop) provided Archer with the certification needed to start his little church ... Then what? All of the text falls within the preposition "after."
Essentially, by cutting clauses out you can say, "After Mt. Bebo Bible College provided Brother Archer with the certification needed to start his church,
Does that clarify?
