Sky turned ashen
Haiku30 total reviews
Comment from karenina
A stunning and stark haiku. Winter is very much like this. We tend to romanticize it, but it's a bitter and biting wind that chills us to our marrow!
Excellent form and perfect word choice for this image! A powerful read--in 4/7/5 count! Nice job!
Karenina
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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A stunning and stark haiku. Winter is very much like this. We tend to romanticize it, but it's a bitter and biting wind that chills us to our marrow!
Excellent form and perfect word choice for this image! A powerful read--in 4/7/5 count! Nice job!
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much for these wonderful review.
Many questioned my take!
Comment from Wendy G
Not everyone enjoys winter - for many it is a time of bitter gloom as you have expressed in the third line. Your poem captures the contrast between the greyness of winter skies and the blinding white all around. All seems silent, even around the fireplace.
Wendy
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Not everyone enjoys winter - for many it is a time of bitter gloom as you have expressed in the third line. Your poem captures the contrast between the greyness of winter skies and the blinding white all around. All seems silent, even around the fireplace.
Wendy
Comment Written 27-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Raul1
Interesting poetry. The sentences flow with clarity. It's beautifully written. I like how you structured this poem. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like it. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Interesting poetry. The sentences flow with clarity. It's beautifully written. I like how you structured this poem. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like it. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much.Thank you very much .
Comment from June Sargent
You penned what you felt - and that is what poets do. This didn't strike me as a particularly romantic illustration anyway. It was a bit gloomy - life in a village can be harsh in the winter. Your words rang true.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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You penned what you felt - and that is what poets do. This didn't strike me as a particularly romantic illustration anyway. It was a bit gloomy - life in a village can be harsh in the winter. Your words rang true.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for understanding that.
Comment from Janetsue
You have given the picture a different perspective. Just something to note, however: haiku does not use punctuation or capital letters except for proper nouns. Also, haiku should be about something in the moment. Tighter wording would be:
ashen sky
as blinding white shrouds earth
gloomy faces fireside -- The last line here is literal because, in reality, gloom would be impossible by a fire because flames are brightening the adjacent area (yet gloomy faces are possible).
Also, the connective word in the second line prevents just having a listing of three separate things which is less than ideal in haiku.
Haiku looks like three simple lines of poetry, but there is a lot involved in writing one. You obviously have talent in sharing your thoughts so continued writing can definitely become outstanding.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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You have given the picture a different perspective. Just something to note, however: haiku does not use punctuation or capital letters except for proper nouns. Also, haiku should be about something in the moment. Tighter wording would be:
ashen sky
as blinding white shrouds earth
gloomy faces fireside -- The last line here is literal because, in reality, gloom would be impossible by a fire because flames are brightening the adjacent area (yet gloomy faces are possible).
Also, the connective word in the second line prevents just having a listing of three separate things which is less than ideal in haiku.
Haiku looks like three simple lines of poetry, but there is a lot involved in writing one. You obviously have talent in sharing your thoughts so continued writing can definitely become outstanding.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for your kind review.zthanks for the suggestion. I agree gloomy faces are possible but gloom is not unless someone is unhappy.
Thanks once again
Comment from Lordinajamjar
As I read this haiku, I got the sense of a nuclear winter.
I read your note about not romanticizing winter, I hope I am not off base.
I am not sure if you intended the first line to be four syllables instead of five. One syllable: "turned"
Nice job
John
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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As I read this haiku, I got the sense of a nuclear winter.
I read your note about not romanticizing winter, I hope I am not off base.
I am not sure if you intended the first line to be four syllables instead of five. One syllable: "turned"
Nice job
John
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for this honour.You have made my day.thanks a lot
Comment from Saria/Shreyamsi
An apt description of the winter. I personally love the sky during winter. The picture also goes well with the haiku and words are well chosen. The imagery is fresh!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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An apt description of the winter. I personally love the sky during winter. The picture also goes well with the haiku and words are well chosen. The imagery is fresh!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you very.much
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sanku, I love the wording in your poem my sweet friend...
even though for me winter is my favorite season...
I love the snow...and the beauty when it is falling...
but as I get older...I must say...after the first three or four storms...I'm ready for spring...
I love your poem sweet girl...and love your picture...
very well written...love you...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Hi Sanku, I love the wording in your poem my sweet friend...
even though for me winter is my favorite season...
I love the snow...and the beauty when it is falling...
but as I get older...I must say...after the first three or four storms...I'm ready for spring...
I love your poem sweet girl...and love your picture...
very well written...love you...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 26-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much for your lovely words.My mood was grave so the picture suited my mood
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you are so very welcome...love xxoo
Comment from lauralumummu
I like your winter haiku. I prefer summer so it is perfect for me. The picture suits your words. Are you aware you have, 4-7-5 as I believe turned is one syllable. All the best, Laura.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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I like your winter haiku. I prefer summer so it is perfect for me. The picture suits your words. Are you aware you have, 4-7-5 as I believe turned is one syllable. All the best, Laura.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Yes .american haiku need not follow 5_7_5.
,it seems.I had written sky turned ashen as...then cut off the ..as..at the suggestion of the Haiku club organizer.Thank you very much for stopping by..
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
' Sky turned ashen ', is short, succinct and deftly descriptive. It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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' Sky turned ashen ', is short, succinct and deftly descriptive. It was a pleasure to both read and review this talented poet's work. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Thank you very much.
