The Devil's Dilemma
Patrick McKee is back.81 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Paul,
Patrick McKee strikes again, even the Devil wants no part of him.
This is an excellent rhymed poem for the contest
with marvelous humor and solid meter.
My only suggestion is the reduce the use "just" which is 'just' a tad to much.
Just is one of those words that adds a syllable, but little else.
Ex:
And God had [just] about wound up
And God had almost finished up
Well done.
Best wishes in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
  |
Hello Paul,
Patrick McKee strikes again, even the Devil wants no part of him.
This is an excellent rhymed poem for the contest
with marvelous humor and solid meter.
My only suggestion is the reduce the use "just" which is 'just' a tad to much.
Just is one of those words that adds a syllable, but little else.
Ex:
And God had [just] about wound up
And God had almost finished up
Well done.
Best wishes in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Robert. I'll try to just clean up the justs.
Comment from Spitfire
Definitely a winner, Paul. What a rollicking story with the God ready to play golf, the devil meeting his match and more. Nice work with the familiar phrases: What is Hell is going on, there'd be Hell to pay. Great details about the ball game, lawyer scam, flirting with the devil's wife. Thanks for the humor. I bet you could sell this one to a magazine!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
Definitely a winner, Paul. What a rollicking story with the God ready to play golf, the devil meeting his match and more. Nice work with the familiar phrases: What is Hell is going on, there'd be Hell to pay. Great details about the ball game, lawyer scam, flirting with the devil's wife. Thanks for the humor. I bet you could sell this one to a magazine!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Spitfire. Hell is a Hell of a place.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is a wonderfully creative, clever, and fun poem. The rhyme and rhythm are perfect. I love the storyline of the conversation between God and Satan.
This certainly deserves a six star.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
Mary
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
This is a wonderfully creative, clever, and fun poem. The rhyme and rhythm are perfect. I love the storyline of the conversation between God and Satan.
This certainly deserves a six star.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
Mary
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Mary. I'm working on another poem about Patrick.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Oh goodness, they probably play baseball in heaven, but not in hell. I think the game would get heated and there would be lots of turmoil. I like to read your Patrick McKee poems.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
 |
Oh goodness, they probably play baseball in heaven, but not in hell. I think the game would get heated and there would be lots of turmoil. I like to read your Patrick McKee poems.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Rosemary. I'm pretty sure they play baseball in Hell. I think that's where the National League started.
-
You may have heard that a young man named Abner Doubleday invented the game known as baseball in Cooperstown, New York, during the summer of 1839. Doubleday then went on to become a Civil War hero, while baseball became America?s beloved national pastime. This Civil War hero fought for our country.
-
Thanks for the history lesson. You're pretty up on things. Are you related to old Abner?
Comment from MissMerri
You are great at telling a story in rhyme and this one is quite amusing. It shows amazing creativity both in the story and in the unusual rhymes. It was enjoyable from beginning to end and there was nothing to correct. I felt sorry for God... a most ridiculous idea but a testament to your story telling abilities. ð???
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
You are great at telling a story in rhyme and this one is quite amusing. It shows amazing creativity both in the story and in the unusual rhymes. It was enjoyable from beginning to end and there was nothing to correct. I felt sorry for God... a most ridiculous idea but a testament to your story telling abilities. ð???
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Adonna. I have enjoyed creating Patrick and his escapades.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
This is priceless. For such a long poem it is perfectly done. Your rhyme is excellent and not a forced bit in sight. You have such a fine sense of humor and I chuckled out loud in every stanza. I think Pat would be a heck of a good Satan!!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
This is priceless. For such a long poem it is perfectly done. Your rhyme is excellent and not a forced bit in sight. You have such a fine sense of humor and I chuckled out loud in every stanza. I think Pat would be a heck of a good Satan!!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Sherry. You may be surprised in a few weeks.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Paul McFarland,
Nice piece of Humor Poetry having impressive phraseology, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme plus good imagery at some places, and beautifully depicting its theme.
The last but one stanza is particularly noteworthy.
Two weak points from my point of view:
1, It's a too lengthy.
2, Use of 'just' so frequently mars the beauty of poem.
On the whole, Interesting and worth enjoying.
Good Luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
Hello Paul McFarland,
Nice piece of Humor Poetry having impressive phraseology, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme plus good imagery at some places, and beautifully depicting its theme.
The last but one stanza is particularly noteworthy.
Two weak points from my point of view:
1, It's a too lengthy.
2, Use of 'just' so frequently mars the beauty of poem.
On the whole, Interesting and worth enjoying.
Good Luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks for the review and suggestions. I'll take a look.
-
Paul McFarland, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from jenintorre
The devil's dilemma is an excellent story in a poem. It is clever and funny.
The rhyme and rhythms are spot on. I love it? Best of luck in the competition. Jen.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
The devil's dilemma is an excellent story in a poem. It is clever and funny.
The rhyme and rhythms are spot on. I love it? Best of luck in the competition. Jen.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Jen. Appreciate your kind words.
Comment from amahra
Wow and wow! I've never liked poems that went on and on. And now I know why. I've never read one as good as yours. OMG! I didn't want it to end. Funny story with good rhythm and excellent rhyming. BRAVO!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
Wow and wow! I've never liked poems that went on and on. And now I know why. I've never read one as good as yours. OMG! I didn't want it to end. Funny story with good rhythm and excellent rhyming. BRAVO!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks. I'm working on the next chapter in Pat's life, or should I say afterlife.
-
Good. I'll fan you so I don't miss it.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
What a piece of creative storytelling. It made me smile all the way from the first stanza. story! You have not taken the oft beaten path and there is tongue-in-cheek humour beautiful rhymed. Much enjoyed. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
|
What a piece of creative storytelling. It made me smile all the way from the first stanza. story! You have not taken the oft beaten path and there is tongue-in-cheek humour beautiful rhymed. Much enjoyed. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Shesadri. Robert told me to travel the road not taken.
