Shape Shifter
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Shape Shifter Part Nineteen"A Detective John Dutton Novellette
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You've included some attention getting allusion and onomatopoeic words. Also some good metaphors weave through this episode. This is a creepy ending to this chapter. Now the reader will worry about Dutton's safety. I'm be back tomorrow almost there.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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You've included some attention getting allusion and onomatopoeic words. Also some good metaphors weave through this episode. This is a creepy ending to this chapter. Now the reader will worry about Dutton's safety. I'm be back tomorrow almost there.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Appreciate the review.
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This was well done
Comment from Ulla
Hmm, Brett, something is going on here. Adler and Sutton are connected somehow, aren't they. Now, we need to know more and that will all be revealed in the next chapter, I'm sure. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Hmm, Brett, something is going on here. Adler and Sutton are connected somehow, aren't they. Now, we need to know more and that will all be revealed in the next chapter, I'm sure. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Adler types always seem to be around lurking, watching, their devious minds thinking and wondering who they can hurt next. And you write him so well! Thanks for sharing. Hope you've had a good a well as possible. Thoughts and prayers! Ric
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Adler types always seem to be around lurking, watching, their devious minds thinking and wondering who they can hurt next. And you write him so well! Thanks for sharing. Hope you've had a good a well as possible. Thoughts and prayers! Ric
Comment Written 07-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Your reviews are so much appreciated.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Another excellent chapter, Brett. When I began reading, it sounded very familiar. I'm sure I've read the first few paragraphs before. Any, now there is a hint of Adler hoping to be caught. Great job. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Another excellent chapter, Brett. When I began reading, it sounded very familiar. I'm sure I've read the first few paragraphs before. Any, now there is a hint of Adler hoping to be caught. Great job. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from BethShelby
Dutton and Adler seem to have some sort of phychic connection. Dutton senses that Adler is nearby but he has so far been unable to get into his mind enough that he knows the motives behind the killings. This is an intererting story.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Dutton and Adler seem to have some sort of phychic connection. Dutton senses that Adler is nearby but he has so far been unable to get into his mind enough that he knows the motives behind the killings. This is an intererting story.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from SimianSavant
This starts out quite nicely.
Karl Adler hot-wired a powder blue Trans Am on the Crowne Pontiac dealership lot. **consider saying he hot-wired THE powder blue [car]. This makes the car heist sound more unique, and a bigger deal.
You have same great descriptions and lines. All you need to do is connect them better.
Paragraph 4, for instance, seems to randomly bring up music but is missing the connection to the scene, and just randomly jumps back to "Ninety minutes later, Adler arrived at his destination" in the same paragraph. Also, you are using the same verb tense (past) to refer to both his childhood and his active driving of the car; I suggest you use past progressive (music HAD PLAYED a big role) to differentiate it. And if this is a place to talk about music, I suggest at least preceding it by saying he turned the radio to [X]. Then, put his arrival at the destination on its own paragraph, to break the scene.
I realize I am missing the context of the other chapters which allows you the framework to make some jumps. Still though, walk the reader through his going to the penthouse, and the connection from stealing a car to murder. Does he always steal a car for his murders?
A few small things:
"Savage carnage" seems redundant. I suggest you pick either carnage or savagery.
I don't think evilness is really a word, even if it is allowed in spell checks. The word evil is sufficient.
Your character dialogue is getting better! You did a good job saving that dialogue for the falling action after the news hits the next day.
More details on the murder might be nice, but I think I have missed some chapters so maybe the description is appropriate.
Thanks for the read!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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This starts out quite nicely.
Karl Adler hot-wired a powder blue Trans Am on the Crowne Pontiac dealership lot. **consider saying he hot-wired THE powder blue [car]. This makes the car heist sound more unique, and a bigger deal.
You have same great descriptions and lines. All you need to do is connect them better.
Paragraph 4, for instance, seems to randomly bring up music but is missing the connection to the scene, and just randomly jumps back to "Ninety minutes later, Adler arrived at his destination" in the same paragraph. Also, you are using the same verb tense (past) to refer to both his childhood and his active driving of the car; I suggest you use past progressive (music HAD PLAYED a big role) to differentiate it. And if this is a place to talk about music, I suggest at least preceding it by saying he turned the radio to [X]. Then, put his arrival at the destination on its own paragraph, to break the scene.
I realize I am missing the context of the other chapters which allows you the framework to make some jumps. Still though, walk the reader through his going to the penthouse, and the connection from stealing a car to murder. Does he always steal a car for his murders?
A few small things:
"Savage carnage" seems redundant. I suggest you pick either carnage or savagery.
I don't think evilness is really a word, even if it is allowed in spell checks. The word evil is sufficient.
Your character dialogue is getting better! You did a good job saving that dialogue for the falling action after the news hits the next day.
More details on the murder might be nice, but I think I have missed some chapters so maybe the description is appropriate.
Thanks for the read!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Appreciate your insightful review.
Comment from royowen
I think if one was a cop, or indeed someone who thought he was half way human, what made people like Adler tick, but unless one is a well trained forensic psychologist, then I guess it's hard to know what makes them tick. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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I think if one was a cop, or indeed someone who thought he was half way human, what made people like Adler tick, but unless one is a well trained forensic psychologist, then I guess it's hard to know what makes them tick. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I think your writing style is really good for the crime noir story. I also like the descriptions of Adler's interest in music. Personally, I don't like that music, but I do like the way you describe it. The paragraph of the "cities grime" had excellent imagery as well. Good Job.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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I think your writing style is really good for the crime noir story. I also like the descriptions of Adler's interest in music. Personally, I don't like that music, but I do like the way you describe it. The paragraph of the "cities grime" had excellent imagery as well. Good Job.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this posting Appreciate the review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am sure Adler is close by. I like the story. You are doing a good job.
Deep black circles under his droopy eyes, Ballister looked frazzled. He said, "Adler is a split personality." (I would omit 'He said,' and go straight into dialogue."
Dutton shook his head in disagreement and replied, "Adler's in control of his cunning shrewdness all the time. The question is what is the flipping purpose for all his kills?" (I would omit 'and replied,' put a period after 'disagreement' and go straight into dialogue."
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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I am sure Adler is close by. I like the story. You are doing a good job.
Deep black circles under his droopy eyes, Ballister looked frazzled. He said, "Adler is a split personality." (I would omit 'He said,' and go straight into dialogue."
Dutton shook his head in disagreement and replied, "Adler's in control of his cunning shrewdness all the time. The question is what is the flipping purpose for all his kills?" (I would omit 'and replied,' put a period after 'disagreement' and go straight into dialogue."
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2021
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Appreciate the sixer and your insightful review.
