A Football Perspective
Maybe this could help young athletes27 total reviews
Comment from Jeff Watkins
Victor, the first paragraph belongs in the author's comments section. Not to worry. I want to read more of your autobiographic stories. You write the story in the succinct and punchy way that I like.
I haven't written a story for awhile. but I have been writing a series of autobiographic stories, so I am interested in studying how a skillful writer is writing in that same genre. Keep up the good work, please. Jeff
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
  |
Victor, the first paragraph belongs in the author's comments section. Not to worry. I want to read more of your autobiographic stories. You write the story in the succinct and punchy way that I like.
I haven't written a story for awhile. but I have been writing a series of autobiographic stories, so I am interested in studying how a skillful writer is writing in that same genre. Keep up the good work, please. Jeff
Comment Written 23-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
-
I agree, the first paragraph should be in author's comments.
I thank you for the rest of your encouraging remarks.
Comment from Cogitator
How many men have experienced group sports and can relate to this tale? I surely did. We find out a lot of things about ourselves whenever we share games and goals. Pleasant read, for sure...John
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
 |
How many men have experienced group sports and can relate to this tale? I surely did. We find out a lot of things about ourselves whenever we share games and goals. Pleasant read, for sure...John
Comment Written 23-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
-
I agree, John. We do find out a lot about a lot, puberty is certainly a learning experience.
Thank you.
Comment from karenina
Lucky thing both my brothers played football all four years in high school, I might have been lost. I've had these little phone mishaps in spacing myself... Hey, you've got to write when you're inspired... A cell phone has to do sometimes. I enjoyed your write. Sorry you're in the hospital! Hope all is going well and you'll be home, as you indicated, by November 3rd. I had one question, which I've left below...Karenina
"Football practice started just before school did. >> Two a days.<<
(Two days?) (Two practices a day?) (Two a DAY?)
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
|
Lucky thing both my brothers played football all four years in high school, I might have been lost. I've had these little phone mishaps in spacing myself... Hey, you've got to write when you're inspired... A cell phone has to do sometimes. I enjoyed your write. Sorry you're in the hospital! Hope all is going well and you'll be home, as you indicated, by November 3rd. I had one question, which I've left below...Karenina
"Football practice started just before school did. >> Two a days.<<
(Two days?) (Two practices a day?) (Two a DAY?)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2021
-
Yes, two practices a dAY, WERE called "two a day:s"
Thank you.
-
Thanks for clarifying! I'd never heard it said that way. I love learning new things!
Karenina
Comment from Richard Van Kirk
You have some good ideas in your story that helps. There is an old writer's philosophy that says, "Show, don't tell." It would help your story tremendously if you developed the main character (You?) by showing the reader how he was feeling, and what was happening in a more smooth stream. I wouldn't use the first paragraph. Of course you should write the stories from your youth. Don't ask the reader to decide. Write the smell, the sight, what was heard. It would also help to explain who your coach was and just say "coach," rather than a first name. The coach was not as important as you and the offensive lineman, who should be fleshed out. Keep writing, you have great potential.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
 |
You have some good ideas in your story that helps. There is an old writer's philosophy that says, "Show, don't tell." It would help your story tremendously if you developed the main character (You?) by showing the reader how he was feeling, and what was happening in a more smooth stream. I wouldn't use the first paragraph. Of course you should write the stories from your youth. Don't ask the reader to decide. Write the smell, the sight, what was heard. It would also help to explain who your coach was and just say "coach," rather than a first name. The coach was not as important as you and the offensive lineman, who should be fleshed out. Keep writing, you have great potential.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
-
Thank you
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Sorry to hear you are in
the hospital, Doug. Hope
you are doing okay.
-I can't imagine writing
anything when in one.
-The artwork is great, and
I enjoyed the story.
-I went to a very similar high
school with a graduating
class of 150.
-You do a good job with the detail
of the game and how you were
always told to use the same play
by your coach.
-The ending is funny, but probably
not for the principal.
-I hope you do a follow up.
-Take care and be well.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
|
-Sorry to hear you are in
the hospital, Doug. Hope
you are doing okay.
-I can't imagine writing
anything when in one.
-The artwork is great, and
I enjoyed the story.
-I went to a very similar high
school with a graduating
class of 150.
-You do a good job with the detail
of the game and how you were
always told to use the same play
by your coach.
-The ending is funny, but probably
not for the principal.
-I hope you do a follow up.
-Take care and be well.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
-
My graduating class was 44.
The whole school had 175. Smile. Thank you..
-
Wow! Where was that if you don't mind saying. You are welcome for the review.
-
Near Kankakee, Dwight, Pontiac. My first job as a dentist was in Pontiac prison. My home town was Cabery.
The other two, making up our school were-Kempton and Cullom.
-
Thanks for sharing. A dentist working in a prison must have been interesting. I grew up in a small, rural town in Delaware.
Comment from Giftedone.Eric Wallace .
Great job very well written on football hope to hear more from you thank you for sharing and you have a beautiful day and stay inspired and writing thanks again my friend
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
|
Great job very well written on football hope to hear more from you thank you for sharing and you have a beautiful day and stay inspired and writing thanks again my friend
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
-
Thank you.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job expressing your thoughts and feelings about the game of football and all the 'stuff' that surrounds it in a small town setting. I'm well aware of the two a days. It amazes me that the teams are out in the blistering summer heat for them before school starts. Your lines read well with great details.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
|
You did a good job expressing your thoughts and feelings about the game of football and all the 'stuff' that surrounds it in a small town setting. I'm well aware of the two a days. It amazes me that the teams are out in the blistering summer heat for them before school starts. Your lines read well with great details.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
-
Thanks, Jan.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
I know next to nothing about football, not liking competitive sports. However, you wrote this well and I am glad you got on the team. Very intense story that ended on a funny note?
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
|
I know next to nothing about football, not liking competitive sports. However, you wrote this well and I am glad you got on the team. Very intense story that ended on a funny note?
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
-
Thank you.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story! I liked the characters and they interacted great together and the storyline was nice!
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family;-)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
|
Excellent story! I liked the characters and they interacted great together and the storyline was nice!
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family;-)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
-
Thank you, Melodie.
-
;-)
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, it was well written and I suppose I shouldn't be commenting at all, as I don't know the first thing about American football, at all. But sports are the same wherever you hail from. What is important is the spirit and the will to compete, and the urge to win. That combination is the recipe for a winner. I've been there and done it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
|
Hi there, it was well written and I suppose I shouldn't be commenting at all, as I don't know the first thing about American football, at all. But sports are the same wherever you hail from. What is important is the spirit and the will to compete, and the urge to win. That combination is the recipe for a winner. I've been there and done it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
-
Thank you, Ulla.
