Be Still
Faith begins with nature17 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
Hi Kace, how are you feeling now sweetie pie???...and how is Benny????...
I used to swim a lot...years ago when the water was clear...
it was magical to see the different sea life under the water...there truly is a peaceful feeling there...no one is fighting...or yelling...it's a shame we don't have that above the water beautiful girl...sigh...
I love your poem my sweet friend...and love your stunning picture...so very nicely written...bunches of love...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2021
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Hi Kace, how are you feeling now sweetie pie???...and how is Benny????...
I used to swim a lot...years ago when the water was clear...
it was magical to see the different sea life under the water...there truly is a peaceful feeling there...no one is fighting...or yelling...it's a shame we don't have that above the water beautiful girl...sigh...
I love your poem my sweet friend...and love your stunning picture...so very nicely written...bunches of love...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 02-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2021
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You are catching up on reviewing, yes? Thanks for reading I really enjoyed writing this. K xx
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I'm trying...right when I think I am on a roll...something comes up...I'll get there...
and your always sooooo very welcome...I didn't believe how many of your poems I missed...
but I know it's the ones that go to contest...
Tom should post them on our pm's when the contest is over...love xxoo
Comment from Janetsue
Years ago, many of them, I used to go skin diving when we were stationed at an Air Force base in Puerto Rico. Beneath the sea is exactly as you describe it...it is a beautiful, and often dangerous, realm where a person can feel connected to the wonders created for us by God. Thank you for sharing this, Kay. xoxo
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Years ago, many of them, I used to go skin diving when we were stationed at an Air Force base in Puerto Rico. Beneath the sea is exactly as you describe it...it is a beautiful, and often dangerous, realm where a person can feel connected to the wonders created for us by God. Thank you for sharing this, Kay. xoxo
Comment Written 11-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you my dear friend. I skin dive only in a pool! My bucket list has the real deal on it. I have free-dived on the Barrier Reef, the power of the sea nearly pulled me onto the coral. Love, Kay.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You brought the silence of the sea here as the communication under water is in slow motion and it is also peaceful with no anxious panic, even if it is also cruel at times, I think I would rather face the chaos on the land! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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You brought the silence of the sea here as the communication under water is in slow motion and it is also peaceful with no anxious panic, even if it is also cruel at times, I think I would rather face the chaos on the land! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Oh, Dolly, Don't knock it until you've tried it. I have snorkelled on the Great Barrier Reef and that was with my one leg! Beneath the ocean is God's garden and the amazing colours of the fish. OK, buy a fish tank! Love, Kay xx
Comment from Gloria ....
What a great piece for this contest, K. I thoroughly enjoy communing with nature too, provided the weather and wildlife cooperate.
Your mixed metre works well here, as it draws focus to the motion of the mind, as it observes itself observing the environment.
Wishing you great luck with the Committee, and glad to see you back. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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What a great piece for this contest, K. I thoroughly enjoy communing with nature too, provided the weather and wildlife cooperate.
Your mixed metre works well here, as it draws focus to the motion of the mind, as it observes itself observing the environment.
Wishing you great luck with the Committee, and glad to see you back. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Hello Possum! This is my first time on FS because after being very sick, my computer spat the dummy! I was waiting for something else to happen ( it is said it comes in three's.) So, yesterday my new wheelchair arrived from the States...breathe in...$15,000! The Govt. pays for that under my aged care package. It's great fun having two chairs. I decided to use my old one to walk Benny dog and keep the spiffy one for indoors. Meanwhile, back to the poem. I have snorkelled on the Great Barrier Reef, watched the myriad colours of the tropical fish. And nearly ended up being washed onto coral! Thanks so much for reading (I missed you) appreciate all the stars. Love, Kay xx
Comment from June Sargent
If only we would be humble enough to learn from nature's way. Peace reigns beneath the waves - but humanity above surges like a destructive tidal wave, destroying anything in its path. There will be a price to pay, unfortunately. The coral reefs along are a testament to man's lack of care and concern.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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If only we would be humble enough to learn from nature's way. Peace reigns beneath the waves - but humanity above surges like a destructive tidal wave, destroying anything in its path. There will be a price to pay, unfortunately. The coral reefs along are a testament to man's lack of care and concern.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Hello June, Thanks for reading. Yes, we are getting tons of plastic bags etc washed up on the shores. We have special 'clean up' days and have changed from plastic shopping bags and containers. At least it is a start. Blessings my friend. K xx
Comment from Sanku
I liked that comment. What is below should be above, peace,tranquility ,communal living.not only world above does not have all that, the two legged creatures are doing their best to destroy the purity below. Liked your poem. ******
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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I liked that comment. What is below should be above, peace,tranquility ,communal living.not only world above does not have all that, the two legged creatures are doing their best to destroy the purity below. Liked your poem. ******
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Bless you Sanku. God gave us the earth and the sea. What have we done? Need I say more. Thanks for reading sweet-pea. K xx
Comment from SimianSavant
This is really excellent and I hate giving it a four. I really think it can get to a six and will be happy to increase my rating following an edit (it will let me award up to a five when I edit a review). The cadence, visualization and rhyming schematic, and use of repetition are gorgeous. The first three sections (particularly lines 5-7 and 9-10) are your best, and the fourth (lines 13-16) is daring but I think it needs work. It doesn't quite flow the way the other three stanzas do. I think it ought to match the meter of the second stanza, to keep consistency with your form, and maintain visual integrity with the content as well. Unfortunately you will have to trim some words to do this, but consider it an opportunity to more smoothly integrate the biblical imagery without making it seem force-fit into the ending. "Chaos shaker" sounds profound but I have some difficulty seeing what it means. Here is an example of how that might work; feel free to use or reject any of my suggestions. I used Rhymezone to extend rhymes to *make* and *by*.
1. God's garden content
In the [wake? care?] of its maker
sunrays in descent
light a path, though it taper
2. God's garden awake
'neath the darkness it lie
in the valleys that shake
when they split from the sky
Note that you have *swimming by* and *flash by*. You might want to try a different word in one of these, like *nigh*.
*Speed of light fish do fly* seems a little awkward, both literally and flow-wise as *do* breaks the flow. Perhaps try something like *silver lightfish afly*, or something else that feels metaphorical and colorful and not overly literal.
Finally, you might add a fifth stanza to once again say *if I could sit on the ocean floor*, which is a powerful line, and leaves the reader with the magic of the ebb and flow of the ocean currents that you have with your compound meter on the odd stanzas.
Hope this is helpful. Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2021
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This is really excellent and I hate giving it a four. I really think it can get to a six and will be happy to increase my rating following an edit (it will let me award up to a five when I edit a review). The cadence, visualization and rhyming schematic, and use of repetition are gorgeous. The first three sections (particularly lines 5-7 and 9-10) are your best, and the fourth (lines 13-16) is daring but I think it needs work. It doesn't quite flow the way the other three stanzas do. I think it ought to match the meter of the second stanza, to keep consistency with your form, and maintain visual integrity with the content as well. Unfortunately you will have to trim some words to do this, but consider it an opportunity to more smoothly integrate the biblical imagery without making it seem force-fit into the ending. "Chaos shaker" sounds profound but I have some difficulty seeing what it means. Here is an example of how that might work; feel free to use or reject any of my suggestions. I used Rhymezone to extend rhymes to *make* and *by*.
1. God's garden content
In the [wake? care?] of its maker
sunrays in descent
light a path, though it taper
2. God's garden awake
'neath the darkness it lie
in the valleys that shake
when they split from the sky
Note that you have *swimming by* and *flash by*. You might want to try a different word in one of these, like *nigh*.
*Speed of light fish do fly* seems a little awkward, both literally and flow-wise as *do* breaks the flow. Perhaps try something like *silver lightfish afly*, or something else that feels metaphorical and colorful and not overly literal.
Finally, you might add a fifth stanza to once again say *if I could sit on the ocean floor*, which is a powerful line, and leaves the reader with the magic of the ebb and flow of the ocean currents that you have with your compound meter on the odd stanzas.
Hope this is helpful. Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2021
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Thanks for taking the time to take this apart. You obviously know how to review properly. Now, I have no formal training in poetry etc. I have been writing on FS for 11 yrs. I only write from my heart not book -read. Having just turned 76 I am not going to change what I have written. Thank you for taking the time. Blessings, K. Oh, by the way 'fish do fly' is old English. I am not American :-)
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Yep I can see "fish do fly" working in a different style of English. I also have no formal training; I just think about words as if they were music, and it seems you do as well! I joined here a month ago to get better at my song lyrics and I still have a lot to learn; hopefully I make it to 76 as well : ) Again, nice work.
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Thank you new friend. Kay xx
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You are most welcome!
Comment from kahpot
"Terra Firma" is not looking real good at the moment, though the peace of the underworld is still in danger from man, very well written, and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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"Terra Firma" is not looking real good at the moment, though the peace of the underworld is still in danger from man, very well written, and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 09-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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kahpot, Thanks for reading my friend. Man, the destroyer. The sea is full of his rubbish. We have taken all for granted. Now it is the Lord's turn to teach us lessons. Blessings, Kay xx
Comment from Wendy G
You are so right in your Author's Notes. The peace below of nature at one with itself and with the Creator should be above as well. But nature has not rebelled against its Creator, although it suffers because man continues to refuse to recognize God's authority. Your poem expresses this very well, and one can almost feel like one is deep below the surface, quietly observing. Well done. Good to see you writing again!
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2021
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You are so right in your Author's Notes. The peace below of nature at one with itself and with the Creator should be above as well. But nature has not rebelled against its Creator, although it suffers because man continues to refuse to recognize God's authority. Your poem expresses this very well, and one can almost feel like one is deep below the surface, quietly observing. Well done. Good to see you writing again!
Wendy
Comment Written 08-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2021
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Howdy neighbour, Gotcha card. Yes, if you turn your back on the Father it is so sad because He never turns his back on us. Love, K xx
Comment from mermaids
I couldn't agree with your words more. The ocean is so peaceful with all the creatures you mention. Only God could create such a beautiful place that is peaceful. Excellent poem that takes the reader to another place.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2021
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I couldn't agree with your words more. The ocean is so peaceful with all the creatures you mention. Only God could create such a beautiful place that is peaceful. Excellent poem that takes the reader to another place.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2021
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Hello Elaine, You love the sea like me. I can't walk so I thought I would sit on the sea floor instead. Thanks for reading and the sixer. Love, K xx
