THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 83 "The Mysterious Voice "The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
4 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I think you've got plans for the shadow indeed Shana, I'm glad you shifted back to Joseph's story, because I know you have always had a redemptive purpose for your characters my friend. With your fantastic imagination you've worked out a plan to take him there, but it's going to be hard, and remember, it's your story, whatever happens, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : But when (he) refuted her theory.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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I think you've got plans for the shadow indeed Shana, I'm glad you shifted back to Joseph's story, because I know you have always had a redemptive purpose for your characters my friend. With your fantastic imagination you've worked out a plan to take him there, but it's going to be hard, and remember, it's your story, whatever happens, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : But when (he) refuted her theory.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thank you dear friend :)
I appreciate you catching my typo. You have good eyes. I think I've read this chapter more than ten times. LOL!
Yes, I had to come back to Joseph and Carrie. The Shadow is still a problem. But as you know, there will be good things at the end.
Thanks again!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Always my pleasure
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An intriguing passage. The pace is good. The language seems to fit the situation. The flow of the writing breaks occasionally. Overall a good read.
Suggestions:
"flashbacks swirled inside his head like a never-ending nightmare."
I think a better term for flashbacks might be flickered. One frame at a time. Almost like flash cards. Also my first reading of this I wanted swirled to be snarled. I think flashbacks are usually unpleasant and threatening.
"losing his breakfast reverse as it went down."
I would think about rephrasing this "reverse as it went down" suggests that the last bite of toast came up first and then all in order until the first sip of coffee. The term for vomiting medically is reverse peristalsis (peristalsis being the muscular action that moves food through the gut, therefore reverse being vomiting).
"We. Will. See."
Here I see where placement on the page could aid in forcefulness of the statement.
Consider: "We----will---see."
or perhaps even better:
"We--
will--
see."
It slows down the reading adding emphasis to each word.
Thanks for sharing. A good read.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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An intriguing passage. The pace is good. The language seems to fit the situation. The flow of the writing breaks occasionally. Overall a good read.
Suggestions:
"flashbacks swirled inside his head like a never-ending nightmare."
I think a better term for flashbacks might be flickered. One frame at a time. Almost like flash cards. Also my first reading of this I wanted swirled to be snarled. I think flashbacks are usually unpleasant and threatening.
"losing his breakfast reverse as it went down."
I would think about rephrasing this "reverse as it went down" suggests that the last bite of toast came up first and then all in order until the first sip of coffee. The term for vomiting medically is reverse peristalsis (peristalsis being the muscular action that moves food through the gut, therefore reverse being vomiting).
"We. Will. See."
Here I see where placement on the page could aid in forcefulness of the statement.
Consider: "We----will---see."
or perhaps even better:
"We--
will--
see."
It slows down the reading adding emphasis to each word.
Thanks for sharing. A good read.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Dellsworthpoet :)
I appreciate the helpful advice and the encouraging review. Glad you enjoyed.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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You are welcome. Always nice to know my comments are helpful.
Comment from AJ McCall
As much as the Shadow has caused Joseph pain and regret and his sanity, it feels nothing. No remorse. No need for atonement. IT'S ANNOYING!! I hate the Shadow as much as Joseph does. I feel for him. (The Breedline needs to find and help him now! (Of course, they will, once they finish with those Biters.)
Joseph meeting Dr. Medoza does sound like it'll end well or who knows what's gonna happen. (You know, I was really shocked and chilled when I read the chapter where she heard the Shadow's voice. I loved that twist you added.)
The context you gave of what happened last time I read about Carrie and Joseph is enough to give a new reader enough information on what had happened.
The one thing I did miss though in this chapter was some action. I guess I was expecting it. But I'm sure you have that planned for the next one, right? Which is NEXT MONDAY!
*Sigh* I hate waiting. (LOL.) SIX STARS!
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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As much as the Shadow has caused Joseph pain and regret and his sanity, it feels nothing. No remorse. No need for atonement. IT'S ANNOYING!! I hate the Shadow as much as Joseph does. I feel for him. (The Breedline needs to find and help him now! (Of course, they will, once they finish with those Biters.)
Joseph meeting Dr. Medoza does sound like it'll end well or who knows what's gonna happen. (You know, I was really shocked and chilled when I read the chapter where she heard the Shadow's voice. I loved that twist you added.)
The context you gave of what happened last time I read about Carrie and Joseph is enough to give a new reader enough information on what had happened.
The one thing I did miss though in this chapter was some action. I guess I was expecting it. But I'm sure you have that planned for the next one, right? Which is NEXT MONDAY!
*Sigh* I hate waiting. (LOL.) SIX STARS!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, AJ :)
Yes, I dislike the Shadow too. But don't worry, things will take a turn. But things have to happen before we get to the fairytale ending of course.
Things will pick up, especially when we get back to the Biters. I'm looking forward to writing the rest of that drama. Haha!
Thanks for the awesome review and encouraging words. Now... I've got to start another chapter for next week. I got behind on my vacation.
Have a great week!
Hugs,
Shana :)
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You're welcome, Shana, anytime. I can't wait to read the rest of that drama! I don't blame you for getting behind. We all need some time... even those Biters LOL. :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter 81 of the Supernatural Science Fiction speaks boldly and expressively about the mysterious voice, fostered by dialogues realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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This Chapter 81 of the Supernatural Science Fiction speaks boldly and expressively about the mysterious voice, fostered by dialogues realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thanks Alcreator :)
Glad you enjoyed and great to hear from you. I appreciate you as always. Your reviews are inspiring.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
