Gramps
a short ghost story19 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Rod,
Hmmm... This was sweet and tender and I could certainly appreciate the sadness of losing someone close to you. The moment I got the call about my paternal grandfather is still crystal clear in my mind - as is much of the time with family after that and then the funeral. Where NO ONE was behaving as I thought they should - like the world had ended. *smile*
But here's where I'm having trouble. This is actually more of a 'moment in time' piece to me. There's not really a 'story' here (imo). We don't have that true story arc with beginning, middle (climax), and satisfying
conclusion. No character development or change... see what I mean?
If you'd had him go fishing and then had Grandpa join him in the middle, surprising him, giving him some tips for the future, maybe, and/or telling him he'd always be there beside him or in his heart, maybe - IDK. That might offer more. Anyway, I hope you'll see what I'm saying.
This is well-written as it is - I won't be deducting any stars. Good luck!
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
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Rod,
Hmmm... This was sweet and tender and I could certainly appreciate the sadness of losing someone close to you. The moment I got the call about my paternal grandfather is still crystal clear in my mind - as is much of the time with family after that and then the funeral. Where NO ONE was behaving as I thought they should - like the world had ended. *smile*
But here's where I'm having trouble. This is actually more of a 'moment in time' piece to me. There's not really a 'story' here (imo). We don't have that true story arc with beginning, middle (climax), and satisfying
conclusion. No character development or change... see what I mean?
If you'd had him go fishing and then had Grandpa join him in the middle, surprising him, giving him some tips for the future, maybe, and/or telling him he'd always be there beside him or in his heart, maybe - IDK. That might offer more. Anyway, I hope you'll see what I'm saying.
This is well-written as it is - I won't be deducting any stars. Good luck!
Comment Written 28-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
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Hi Robyn, I truly appreciate your taking the time to read and comment upon GRAMPS. I understand where you are having trouble with the story and concur the story arc is lacking. But I only had 350 words to work with. I do think I'd like to retell this story in a longer format the way you suggest. Maybe someday I can. Rod
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Rod,
This is a sweet story, but supernatural as well because Pete's grandfather is there. Grandparents don't last forever. I used to chop and pile wood for winter with my grandfather, Frank Bartlett. He was a true woodsman, an avid fisherman and hunter. He would show me how to make things out of birch bark while we worked together. And we'd go inside for a bowl of homemade turkey soup and rolls. (My grandmother was such a great cook!) After dinner, we'd play checkers or Crazy 8's. Such a shame, he got Alzheimer's and went back to his childhood days. Three of his sons, my uncles... Bob, Maurice and Ralph, all were in the navy in World War II. When they returned home, in the late 40's, the four of them built a log cabin near Cappal Lake. I was born in 1950, too young for his hunting and fishing years. But at least we had some good times at the woodpile. I have to be grateful for that.
This wasn't a scary story, but fits the bill. I guess supernatural doesn't have to mean horror.
Good Luck in the contest! This should be a contender. I liked the way you wrote it, that Petey knew his grandfather was there.... without turning around.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Hi Rod,
This is a sweet story, but supernatural as well because Pete's grandfather is there. Grandparents don't last forever. I used to chop and pile wood for winter with my grandfather, Frank Bartlett. He was a true woodsman, an avid fisherman and hunter. He would show me how to make things out of birch bark while we worked together. And we'd go inside for a bowl of homemade turkey soup and rolls. (My grandmother was such a great cook!) After dinner, we'd play checkers or Crazy 8's. Such a shame, he got Alzheimer's and went back to his childhood days. Three of his sons, my uncles... Bob, Maurice and Ralph, all were in the navy in World War II. When they returned home, in the late 40's, the four of them built a log cabin near Cappal Lake. I was born in 1950, too young for his hunting and fishing years. But at least we had some good times at the woodpile. I have to be grateful for that.
This wasn't a scary story, but fits the bill. I guess supernatural doesn't have to mean horror.
Good Luck in the contest! This should be a contender. I liked the way you wrote it, that Petey knew his grandfather was there.... without turning around.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, Kimbob, for sharing both my story and yours. I am delighted my story brought back great memories. Rod
Comment from Patty Palmer
I really enjoyed this story that you entered. It has a sweetness to it. How wonderful that he can still feel gramps with him. It shows the closeness they must have shared during the little boy's life. I felt this deserved a six-star rating even though I'm reading this after the contest has been finished. I still wanted to let you know that I felt your story has a special quality to it.
Patty
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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I really enjoyed this story that you entered. It has a sweetness to it. How wonderful that he can still feel gramps with him. It shows the closeness they must have shared during the little boy's life. I felt this deserved a six-star rating even though I'm reading this after the contest has been finished. I still wanted to let you know that I felt your story has a special quality to it.
Patty
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, Patty, for your very kind praise of my ghost story and all those bright stars. Rod
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You're welcome!
Patty
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Charming and heartwarming--a fine entry for the supernatural flash contest--your love for Gramps is made manifest in this touching tale. Wonderful ending.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Charming and heartwarming--a fine entry for the supernatural flash contest--your love for Gramps is made manifest in this touching tale. Wonderful ending.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, Elizabeth. I am delighted you found my ghost story both "charming and heartwarming." Rod
Comment from Bonnie Seach
A charming story based on fond memories. Well formatted, crafted and enjoyed. Boy and Grandpa interludes, which will always be treasured.
The virtual presentation enhances the story.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes for the contest
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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A charming story based on fond memories. Well formatted, crafted and enjoyed. Boy and Grandpa interludes, which will always be treasured.
The virtual presentation enhances the story.
Thank you for sharing.
Best wishes for the contest
Comment Written 17-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Bonnie, for this marvelous review and all those shiny stars. Rod
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Such a lovely story Rod. Thank you
👏👌😊🌹
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a sweet story and I very much enjoyed reading it. What a nice gift for the boy to continue interacting with hid deceased grandfather. Catching the fish together was a nice touch. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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This is a sweet story and I very much enjoyed reading it. What a nice gift for the boy to continue interacting with hid deceased grandfather. Catching the fish together was a nice touch. Nicely done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, Mary, for your kind praise of GRAMPS.
Rod
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You are so welcome. I love stories like that.
Comment from SHABAMO
Happy ghost stories with something more like a guardian angel than an angel of death are always a nice change. Well written, you captured gramps as a traditional but well meaning ghost
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Happy ghost stories with something more like a guardian angel than an angel of death are always a nice change. Well written, you captured gramps as a traditional but well meaning ghost
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, SHABAMO. I am delighted you like Gramps as I characterized him. Rod
Comment from royowen
There's nothing that touches me more, this activity that you do with grandpa, reminds me of the times I spend with my grandchildren, so beautifully written Rod, you touched my heart with this. Good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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There's nothing that touches me more, this activity that you do with grandpa, reminds me of the times I spend with my grandchildren, so beautifully written Rod, you touched my heart with this. Good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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I am very pleased you like my story so much, Roy. Thank you for your heartfelt praise. Rod
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My pleasure Rod.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
Nice metaphor to shape this sensitive story. You depict the feelings of the boy very well and give a fine portrait of his grandfather through the child's eyes. Very well done.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Nice metaphor to shape this sensitive story. You depict the feelings of the boy very well and give a fine portrait of his grandfather through the child's eyes. Very well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Thank you very much, Nancy, for your insightful review. I appreciate your comments. Rod
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:-)
Comment from pookietoo
Beautiful little story. I enjoyed reading this story. Keep smiling and keep up the great work writing your stuff. I enjoyed reading this poem. :)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Beautiful little story. I enjoyed reading this story. Keep smiling and keep up the great work writing your stuff. I enjoyed reading this poem. :)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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This story was fun to write. I am glad you enjoyed it.
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Sure
