Saint Mary
This was one of my more memorable patients as a Chaplain.34 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this beautiful contest entry of redemption. It touched my heart. Thank you again. Please keep an eye on the use of that. I pointed out a few areas, but there are others. Good luck with the contest.
I waited for what seemed like an interminable amount of time for the door to crack open and reveal a short, thin, gray-haired little lady that looked much older than the face sheet in my hand said she was. (little lady who..)
I established rapport with a woman that had hated God and could not relate to society and its established norms. (with a lady who...)
I wanted to ask everybody to leave, but I didn't think that I could do that. (You can omit 'that' it's and extra word and not needed.)
As I prayed, I wept and reminded God that her soul was in the balance and that Jesus had paid the ultimate price, and peace and forgiveness were hers for the asking. (You can omit the first 'that' it's and extra word and not needed.)
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful contest entry of redemption. It touched my heart. Thank you again. Please keep an eye on the use of that. I pointed out a few areas, but there are others. Good luck with the contest.
I waited for what seemed like an interminable amount of time for the door to crack open and reveal a short, thin, gray-haired little lady that looked much older than the face sheet in my hand said she was. (little lady who..)
I established rapport with a woman that had hated God and could not relate to society and its established norms. (with a lady who...)
I wanted to ask everybody to leave, but I didn't think that I could do that. (You can omit 'that' it's and extra word and not needed.)
As I prayed, I wept and reminded God that her soul was in the balance and that Jesus had paid the ultimate price, and peace and forgiveness were hers for the asking. (You can omit the first 'that' it's and extra word and not needed.)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Thank you for both reading and reviewing "Saint Mary." I appreciate your critique that correctly pointed out problem areas. I have reworked this piece and I believe it now better represents the level of professionalism I am striving for. You cared enough to make a fellow FanStorian more effectual. Feel free to enhance my future writings with your experienced feedback. Thanks for the 5 Excellent stars.
Comment from Sally Law
No wonder I love your writing. How beautiful this is, and to escort a sweet soul into the arms of Christ! It is the absolute best! I am a bearer of the gospel as well, and filled with the Spirit of God since I was 16. What a joy to read this on FanStory. Sending you my best today as always, and best regards for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs..
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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No wonder I love your writing. How beautiful this is, and to escort a sweet soul into the arms of Christ! It is the absolute best! I am a bearer of the gospel as well, and filled with the Spirit of God since I was 16. What a joy to read this on FanStory. Sending you my best today as always, and best regards for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs..
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation, I was a little nervous about placing this piece on FanStory, but it has been well received. As far as contests goes, I haven't won any 1-3 place in over three years. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Saint Mary
Dr. Nad I'm impressed about your heart warming story about Mary not believed in God and with the loving ways that the Chaplain helped Mary to finally say "Yes."
there is a place in your beautiful well told story----
It was time for me to pray with her. After praying, I asked my most pressing question.
"Mary, do you still have God's peace?"
Without saying a word, she displayed an incredible smile that spoke volumes, and then Mary rendered an exaggerated nod.
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Saint Mary
Dr. Nad I'm impressed about your heart warming story about Mary not believed in God and with the loving ways that the Chaplain helped Mary to finally say "Yes."
there is a place in your beautiful well told story----
It was time for me to pray with her. After praying, I asked my most pressing question.
"Mary, do you still have God's peace?"
Without saying a word, she displayed an incredible smile that spoke volumes, and then Mary rendered an exaggerated nod.
Gert
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the five-star rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
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Dr. Nad you are most welcome
Comment from Frank Ball
This story is written with well-deserved sincerity. Write on. It will be therapeutic for author and readers alike. There is a sentence in the middle with a word in the wrong place; it would be an easy repair.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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This story is written with well-deserved sincerity. Write on. It will be therapeutic for author and readers alike. There is a sentence in the middle with a word in the wrong place; it would be an easy repair.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." I appreciate your awareness of my structural error. I did edit this piece in a number of places after my initial posting. I believe I fixed the problem-wording. Thank you so much for the five-star rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from Yardier
How could this not be exceptional when a soul has been saved. You stood in the balance of evil attempting to thwart God's plan. You knew the end game for refusing the gift of salvation, and persisted with presenting the Gospel with Grace all the while emphasizing mercy for her past deeds.
Please continue to write and log your experiences. Others, whom you do not know, will read your words at a time ordained by God, who, by the way, does not care about commas or run on sentences.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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How could this not be exceptional when a soul has been saved. You stood in the balance of evil attempting to thwart God's plan. You knew the end game for refusing the gift of salvation, and persisted with presenting the Gospel with Grace all the while emphasizing mercy for her past deeds.
Please continue to write and log your experiences. Others, whom you do not know, will read your words at a time ordained by God, who, by the way, does not care about commas or run on sentences.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." I am just starting to believe God has a plan for my writing in His kingdom. Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from mermaids
This is a wonderful tale of redemption and coming to Christ. The reader feels uplifted and feels God's presence in your words. Excellent writing that takes the reader on a spiritual journey.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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This is a wonderful tale of redemption and coming to Christ. The reader feels uplifted and feels God's presence in your words. Excellent writing that takes the reader on a spiritual journey.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the five-star rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from lyenochka
What a marvelous story of redemption and victory for Christ! Thank you for persisting and obeying the Holy Spirit's nudging to visit Mary. What a horror she had on her mind remembering her son's ordeal. How devastating for her neglected daughters. But you kept asking and praying and helped her believe in her heart and confess with her lips that Jesus is Lord. And her final smile showed she was going to be with Jesus.
Thank you for sharing and hope you do well in the contest!
My one area of confusion was that you were Mary's chaplain but there were references to other chaplains as in "She expressed to the Chaplain." and the chaplain in the hospital. Maybe you could identify the other chaplains?
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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What a marvelous story of redemption and victory for Christ! Thank you for persisting and obeying the Holy Spirit's nudging to visit Mary. What a horror she had on her mind remembering her son's ordeal. How devastating for her neglected daughters. But you kept asking and praying and helped her believe in her heart and confess with her lips that Jesus is Lord. And her final smile showed she was going to be with Jesus.
Thank you for sharing and hope you do well in the contest!
My one area of confusion was that you were Mary's chaplain but there were references to other chaplains as in "She expressed to the Chaplain." and the chaplain in the hospital. Maybe you could identify the other chaplains?
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the five-star Excellent rating you gave this piece. I had another person express the same confusion I left them with. I have edited extensively since first posting. I was the only Chaplain in the story. Thanks for the insight. To God be the Glory.
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Bless you for serving with such compassion and patience! The Lord heard your prayers!
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Please don't ever put your quill down. Please.
This beautiful, miraculous, soul-saving story has given me goosebumps. I can only imagine the 40 years of incredible pain this poor woman went through. I have to believe God was pursuing her all along. For you to be so persistent in bringing her to God, as you listened to the Holy Spirit, and felt compassion in your heart, tells of your faith and character.
You had my attention from the first paragraph. Your writing is smooth, flowing well from paragraph to paragraph. The imagery is wonderful. You have the gift of storytelling and writing.
You have blessed me by telling your story.
God bless,
Gale
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Please don't ever put your quill down. Please.
This beautiful, miraculous, soul-saving story has given me goosebumps. I can only imagine the 40 years of incredible pain this poor woman went through. I have to believe God was pursuing her all along. For you to be so persistent in bringing her to God, as you listened to the Holy Spirit, and felt compassion in your heart, tells of your faith and character.
You had my attention from the first paragraph. Your writing is smooth, flowing well from paragraph to paragraph. The imagery is wonderful. You have the gift of storytelling and writing.
You have blessed me by telling your story.
God bless,
Gale
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation and your words mean so much. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
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Amen. Beautiful story!
Comment from amahra
Wow! This was heartwrenching and heart-stirring at the same time: After hearing in court how and why her son died, is sad; the fact that she received Christ, is wonderful. I liked lines like--"A chorus of canines heralded me." and "....couldn't shake the press of the Holy Spirit." Also, my former paster once said, he could tell if someone was called by God to teach or Sheppard His people because 'they' would have a burden for [humanity]. And you would not relent until Mary accepted Christ. God bless you.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Wow! This was heartwrenching and heart-stirring at the same time: After hearing in court how and why her son died, is sad; the fact that she received Christ, is wonderful. I liked lines like--"A chorus of canines heralded me." and "....couldn't shake the press of the Holy Spirit." Also, my former paster once said, he could tell if someone was called by God to teach or Sheppard His people because 'they' would have a burden for [humanity]. And you would not relent until Mary accepted Christ. God bless you.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read and review my true story of "Saint Mary." Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
Comment from Kit Nongkhlaw
When you save one soul, the angels of Heaven rejoice. I rejoice at reading this amazing story. I am a church elder for the past sixteen years, but what you describe here is unique. God bless you and your work. Hope many more souls will be saved through you. All the best in the contest, Kit.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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When you save one soul, the angels of Heaven rejoice. I rejoice at reading this amazing story. I am a church elder for the past sixteen years, but what you describe here is unique. God bless you and your work. Hope many more souls will be saved through you. All the best in the contest, Kit.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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You are very kind in your words of affirmation and review of my true story of "Saint Mary." You are correct, her story is unique and powerful. Thank you so much for the six-star Exceptional rating you gave this piece. To God be the Glory.
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The pleasure is mine. The story is absolutely wonderful, Kit
