Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 50"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
16 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Carol! The action packed into this chapter is so well paced and crystal clear, I was all but shouting myself! One of your finest chapters ...seriously worthy of a six. WILD how you left us all jaws on the floor...wondering who will survive and how this will play out! You were on top form writing this one for sure!
Karenina
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Carol! The action packed into this chapter is so well paced and crystal clear, I was all but shouting myself! One of your finest chapters ...seriously worthy of a six. WILD how you left us all jaws on the floor...wondering who will survive and how this will play out! You were on top form writing this one for sure!
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Thank you for loving the action and emotions in this chapter. I like those nail biters for sure. I am glad there was enough action for you. LOL And everyone got out without burning to death.
Smiles, Carol
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Honestly? I was thrilled. With all the fires on the news these days the thought of burning to death would have been traumatizing!
Karenina
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
There sure is a lot of destruction! And they've still got Annie. I'm actually not clear on how Cynthia got the concussion; probably because I'm reading a chapter or two, piecemeal. As you said, we don't know who will live, and who will die...
I found some errors, and made some suggestions:
The LandRover's wheels spun ...
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The Land Rover's wheels spun ...
She screamed, "Ma-a-a-ar-ry." as the car raced out ...
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She screamed, "Ma-a-a-ar-ry!" as the car raced out ...
[OR, if you're determined not to use the exclamation point for the scream, then replace the period with a comma, since it appears mid-sentence]
She screamed, "Ma-a-a-ar-ry," as the car raced out ...
"Sorry." was all he could manage ...
-->
"Sorry," was all he could manage ...
She searched her pockets for her cell phone but found nothing.
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She searched her pockets for her cell phone, but found nothing.
Others stretched out the hoses from several hook and ladder trucks ...
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Others stretched out the hoses from several hook-and-ladder trucks ...
some walking, others needing help, and the men carried a few to waiting gurneys.
-->
some walking, others needing help; and the men carried a few to waiting gurneys.
***
I'm really glad that the firefighters got the migrants out of the basement, although the fate of some of them is obviously uncertain.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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There sure is a lot of destruction! And they've still got Annie. I'm actually not clear on how Cynthia got the concussion; probably because I'm reading a chapter or two, piecemeal. As you said, we don't know who will live, and who will die...
I found some errors, and made some suggestions:
The LandRover's wheels spun ...
-->
The Land Rover's wheels spun ...
She screamed, "Ma-a-a-ar-ry." as the car raced out ...
-->
She screamed, "Ma-a-a-ar-ry!" as the car raced out ...
[OR, if you're determined not to use the exclamation point for the scream, then replace the period with a comma, since it appears mid-sentence]
She screamed, "Ma-a-a-ar-ry," as the car raced out ...
"Sorry." was all he could manage ...
-->
"Sorry," was all he could manage ...
She searched her pockets for her cell phone but found nothing.
-->
She searched her pockets for her cell phone, but found nothing.
Others stretched out the hoses from several hook and ladder trucks ...
-->
Others stretched out the hoses from several hook-and-ladder trucks ...
some walking, others needing help, and the men carried a few to waiting gurneys.
-->
some walking, others needing help; and the men carried a few to waiting gurneys.
***
I'm really glad that the firefighters got the migrants out of the basement, although the fate of some of them is obviously uncertain.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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Thank you as always. Sorry it takes me so long to get back to you. Changes have been made and I appreciate the help.
Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. Don?t worry about any delays. I'm so glad my revisions are helpful to you.
Love and blessings, Mary Kay xoxo
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I still lhave to go back and check out the Sheriff/sheriff because I was told my several that it depends on whether we are talking about him as a person (his name) or just his office. I read it on line and it was just as confusing and of course non of the software/grammer addresses it. But I will do it I promise.
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I'm actually not 100% sure about it, either. After you capitalized "Sheriff" (appearing on its own) the first time, I thought I would point out subsequent instances, so that you could make it consistent. It might be "Sheriff" when addressing him directly, and "sheriff" when just referring to him ... however since it's used so often, it just seemed better to capitalize it, always -- but if you can find better guidelines for this, go for it!
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I just have one person who gives me a long lecture because I don't do it right.... So I am trying to discover what the real rule is.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Please let me know, if you find out the answer ;-)
Comment from lancellot
I know it is wrong but I wanted Jon to die. He is so useless of a man and human. That means you wrote him wonderfully. I like the realism. People don't just change on a dime and the bad guys do win for a time. You don't get superhero strength when you need it.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I know it is wrong but I wanted Jon to die. He is so useless of a man and human. That means you wrote him wonderfully. I like the realism. People don't just change on a dime and the bad guys do win for a time. You don't get superhero strength when you need it.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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You might still get your wish.... but I need him for one more thing. Might as well wring him out with the wash and get some vital information. Most people want Jon and SINthia (Cynthia) to die and they are both in critical condition. Thank you so much for your awesome review and the stars. You made me very happy this Sunday morning!!! Smiles and hugs!! Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
WHEW!!!! Good grief. Heart attacks much!???? When I saw the description I knew I was in for it - thanks for that warning. Man. I have no idea if I will make it through this book or not, you evil beast. This was so good and I'm glad you added the part about the wet, damp basement - that added more realism. Lucky stuff for those folks. You could also have a couple of 'heroes' down there - fighting the fires so that everyone else could live - maybe they could have worse burns than others? IDK, just thinking.
You are doing great. Soooo great. I don't have a six for this one but it deserves it. Hugs to you!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Carol,
WHEW!!!! Good grief. Heart attacks much!???? When I saw the description I knew I was in for it - thanks for that warning. Man. I have no idea if I will make it through this book or not, you evil beast. This was so good and I'm glad you added the part about the wet, damp basement - that added more realism. Lucky stuff for those folks. You could also have a couple of 'heroes' down there - fighting the fires so that everyone else could live - maybe they could have worse burns than others? IDK, just thinking.
You are doing great. Soooo great. I don't have a six for this one but it deserves it. Hugs to you!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Yeah, I thought of that afterward so when I rewrite I will have to add a little. Thanks for the suggestions and for the support.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
This chapter is full of thrills, action and emotional outbursts. Like a good scriptwriter you have penned down every small detail of external actions and internal actions peculiar to the individuals. Thankfully, no one was killed. Only damage to the property. Good going!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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This chapter is full of thrills, action and emotional outbursts. Like a good scriptwriter you have penned down every small detail of external actions and internal actions peculiar to the individuals. Thankfully, no one was killed. Only damage to the property. Good going!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I think some might die because of the incident but none were out and outright murdered. Cynthia has a skull fracture and Jon was shot. We will just have to wait and see how it works out.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'd forgotten Cynthia was there, but yes, she was. Thank you for sharing this with us. The descriptions, the emotion, and the action were all very well written. This is six worthy, but I don't have any this late in the week.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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I'd forgotten Cynthia was there, but yes, she was. Thank you for sharing this with us. The descriptions, the emotion, and the action were all very well written. This is six worthy, but I don't have any this late in the week.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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I appreciate the thoughts and the virtual six... Knowing that you enjoyed it and felt the emotions I meant to portray is praise enough. Thanks....
smiles Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Great chapter, with lots of tension and excitement. Now we know why Jon had that pistol in his pocket. I'm glad Mary saw Annie, and the agents are after that vehicle. Have a blessed and restful weekend. Carol
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Great chapter, with lots of tension and excitement. Now we know why Jon had that pistol in his pocket. I'm glad Mary saw Annie, and the agents are after that vehicle. Have a blessed and restful weekend. Carol
Comment Written 10-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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As usual, I am far behind on sending out my thank you and appreciation for reading, enjoying, and commenting on the story.
I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Looks like this is just past the climax of the story. I hope they catch the kidnappers but I don't understand how Annie could be considered "collateral." I thought Mary and Jon were going to have a heart to heart before he died but guess that's still coming. Hope Cynthia has given up her greedy plans. Glad you described the fire better at the end because I would have thought Hank and Mary would have seen the fire from the outside and called the fire department. Good that the cedar is slow burning.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Looks like this is just past the climax of the story. I hope they catch the kidnappers but I don't understand how Annie could be considered "collateral." I thought Mary and Jon were going to have a heart to heart before he died but guess that's still coming. Hope Cynthia has given up her greedy plans. Glad you described the fire better at the end because I would have thought Hank and Mary would have seen the fire from the outside and called the fire department. Good that the cedar is slow burning.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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There was very little flames in the wine cellar...I wrote that the wood was smoldering because it was too damp to burn. I researched it to find out what would happen if the wood was wet...thus the smoke and little fire. Thanks!
Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Carol, you must of been exhausted after you finished writing this chapter you had so much going on. Its amazing how you keep track of all the exciting happenings you write are filled with very vivid actions. Here I am wondering if the priest and Cynthia survived the fire.
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Carol, you must of been exhausted after you finished writing this chapter you had so much going on. Its amazing how you keep track of all the exciting happenings you write are filled with very vivid actions. Here I am wondering if the priest and Cynthia survived the fire.
Gert
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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As usual, I am far behind on sending out my thank you and appreciation for reading, enjoying, and commenting on the story.
I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
Well, maybe they got there in time to save some of them. Too bad they got away with Annie. Great imagery and emotion. Another gripping chapter, Carol.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Well, maybe they got there in time to save some of them. Too bad they got away with Annie. Great imagery and emotion. Another gripping chapter, Carol.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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As usual, I am far behind on sending out my thank you and appreciation for reading, enjoying, and commenting on the story.
I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
